Honestly I thought I would be dead by now, and not having to deal with everything I am having to deal with now. I wish I was dead. I feel like a burden to my sister who has been trying to take care of me. I used to live with my boyfriend but he wasn’t sure if he could handle it anymore. I still can’t forgive a lot of the hurtful things he has said. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off without him in my life. Even now, most of my things are in his possession so I can’t really end things. […]
Tag:
enough
Ok this is my last post, in just a few hours I’ll be gone.
I’ve spent my last days trying to enjoy myself and everything I love with my heart, but still it wasn’t enough to make me change my mind. I don’t have regrets but I would have loved to be able to give a propper goodbye to the people I love, anyway I don’t want them to know what I’ve done once it’s done, so I’ll have to keep all that for myself.
Life looks so different when you know it’s going to end, it’s not brighter nor darker, just different, as if you were […]
I never realized how exhausting it is to research ways to die, along with writing a note that explains it all. I’m so exhausted I’ve taken 3 showers today just trying to get it all done. By the end of Friday I don’t intend to be here anymore. When my boyfriend at the time talked me into an abortion I didn’t want he promised he would be around afterwords, I made sure he said he would because I knew I couldn’t handle all of this alone. He left regardless and I told my family about everything because I was afraid of what I would do and […]
I want to leave this world but I am afraid of what might be next, it could be worse. I mean I am a believer but I don’t understand a lot about it, like why is the punishment so severe? I mean no matter what you’re guilty of, an eternal punishment on any level doesn’t seem right, I mean time here is so finite, and any thing you did wrong should in enough time be cleared but eternal damnation?, and for many all they did was get depressed and off themselves, I mean shouldn’t there be some sort of limit to the punishment? Suppose I […]
I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.
This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I am living life as I think I’m suppose to. I do feel hopeless, but it’s in a new kind of way. I don’t dwell on it like I once did. I really feel “ok”. I’ve accepted it.
I still have small feel goods, but they go as quickly as they come. I feel annoyed and agitated quite often, but usually with one person in particular. I am anxious more than anything… I can’t seem to shake it. It is destroying my life… ME. I tried so hard to fit in, do my best, be a good mom, friend, person, […]
I’ve told this story before but rather than have it disappear into obscurity I’d like it to be a lesson for all new comers, if it can help you understand your life a little better.
I tried to kill myself when I was in my early twenties. It’s been roughly 10 years since that night, and I won’t ever be able to shake it..that I know!
I was getting wrapped up into drugs and suffering from depression, and needless to say I wanted to die and had every intention in doing so. There wasn’t all this easy access to the Internet so methods were […]
Last night I came very close to an exit, I was ready, but I’m not sure what made me wait. I know some of it is my business responsibilities, I don’t want to let anyone down but I’m not sure why it matters so much to me? It’s not like their world won’t go on. I have decided I won’t exit in my apartment, I will take a road trip, no cell. I have enough meds stockpiled to shut my system down completely, just add alcohol. I’m so consumed by darkness – I’m physically never going to be well again, the doctors were plain about […]
So more psychological BS by someone who’s intentionally trying to screw around with my life….. I’m kind of over it and it’s pathetic that no one can state what’s going on….. kind of a pathetic world we live in, but I shouldn’t be intentionally forced out of an industry of or towns or of anywhere…… but that’s seems to be what’s happening because some people are really really screwed up….God help them…. and in the meantime I’ll hold enough faith that things work out for my personal situation spending and hour and half on a bridge is never a good thing – but it’s my […]
Growing up i believed that if i didn’t have enough i could work harder
if i wasn’t smart enough i could work harder
if i wasn’t pretty enough …work harder
if i wasn’t talented, i just had to work harder
When i was younger i believed that if i work hard enough my effort would pay off, that makes sense. But this world isn’t about making sense, instead of being awarded for my effort i had to confront reality.
Working hard is tiring and all those who have intelligence, looks, and talent who never had to work as hard don’t know how it feels to try so […]
I’m 19 years old and I thought that I could change. My entire life has seemed to be nothing but struggle. For years I waited for God to save me and my family, but he didn’t. I’ve seen many things and done many things I wish I didn’t have to. I’ve stopped my mom from drowning herself in the bathtub, I stopped my dad from hitting my mom when they got into a heated discussion; on numerous occasions I’ve stopped my dad from hitting my brother and my mom from choking him because he wouldn’t be quiet. I’ve watched my dad beg for food and […]
I can be happy, I can be content – but behind it all is an absence of any belief that anything is of any value, or worth, materially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. All empty.
Then the light fades, that’s enough, time to go.
Then comes anger, a real anger, self directed, and at the rest of humanity. The call to ‘be nice to people’ to make me feel better, to ‘do something’ to make me feel better. Acting on such advice is nothing more than me, me, me – so it’s all just self serving? So its in the self interest of those who preach to say those things? […]
honestly I am just so lonely. i am so tired of being sad and not being able to help it, and i am tired of feeling ignored and unloved. I have a friend that i trust and always help when they are in need but whenever i need help with my problems they are never there. And i dont know if i am being selfish or if i am even sad enough to be suicidal, and i wonder if i am convincing myself i am because i want attention. i just want to know if people actually care or if they are just saying that.
please […]
I find out Thursday if I’m going to lose my house in the divorce. He has spent well over $100,000 of my money and jerks off to “Rape Galaxy,” yet is a very prominent person in the Jewish world. I’m not starting my life all over again at 50. He can have the house so my daughter can continue to be raised here. August 8 can’t come soon enough.
I’m two days late. And a year late. It doesn’t matter to you but it does to me and I’m sorry. A lot has happened, but little has changed. I still miss you. A lot. I don’t think about you enough, it makes me too sad when I do. I wish I did though, it’s worth it to keep the thoughts of you fresh. It was nice to see your parents again today, it always is. I hope that they’re doing okay, as impossible as it may seem. I don’t want to say too much this year, I’m already having enough difficulty as it is. […]
I’m sorry I can’t save you. I’m sorry I’m not smart enough. Not great enough. Not rich enough.
I’m sorry for being stupid enough to keep fighting a dying battle.
But you are my reason, and I’m sorry I keep holding on to that reason. I’m sorry I cannot forget you.
I’m sorry I couldnt save you.
I am at the point I have already done everything I wanted to. That is within my reach anyway. Hope? For what? I have no family and don’t want one, working is hardly a reason to stick around. That’s all I do.
I love the sand and sea, but not enough to stay and I hardly doubt they will miss me.
Even at the end of a dream vacation thoughts of suicide start coming back out of their hiding place.
I have tried shamelessly to connect and create a life for myself and it just isn’t enough. The only thing I am proud of is how […]
I’ve had mental health problems since I was around 10 or 11 and I’m 22 now and frankly, I’m just getting worse and worse. The medical profession have basically written me off as a time waster because of a few failed attempts and because I’ve ended up in a&e from drug and alcohol abuse a fair few times. Although I don’t suppose that really matters because with a condition like mine, the best I’m going to get is “learning to cope”. Like, all I have to hope for is dragging out the time between breakdowns and getting better at talking myself off the metaphorical ledge. […]
I have been in hell for a few months and stumble here by chance. I’ve been looking suicide and stuff and came across this little paradise people just like me….in hell every waking hour and desperate for a bit of peace. I downloaded the peaceful pill book yesterday and was horrified and both amazed at its simplicity of it all. I’m in my mid forties, have two growing kids, a failing marriage, and a lover which I adore and have been seeing for a year and a bit for it seems he’s getting tired of me and I’m getting tired of so much unhappiness. I’ve […]
Screams for blood–but not for yours.
Times enough you bled your best;
Sleep on now, and take your rest.