What point is there? As I get older, everyone splits off into couples and I sit here like a fucking lonely moron. I don’t want to date anyone, I want to be surrounded by my “friends” who can’t wait to ditch you every chance they get for a significant other (or simply someone better). I’ve been off my mood stabilizers and antidepressants for about 3 weeks now, but I’m thinking of starting up my mood stabilizers again because it is unbearable to deal with this constant fucking oscillating range of emotions. I think I’ll just submerge myself in as many drugs and mind alternating substances […]
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everyone
When I was kind of living all over the place, she stepped in and helped me, even though I didn’t really like her. When CPS came and saw me, I went to church with her that day and spent the night with her. I was TOTALLY freaking out and she talked with me and stayed up with me till 1 in the morning. She laid next to me and played with my hair to calm me down. She took me for the weekend to her home town and we stayed at her parents and met her siblings and aunts. They were totally nice to me. […]
I’m coming to my last days of high school and the past week has been hell. It’s had such an effect on me knowing that I won’t ever be there again. It’s so weird, and kinda unsettling.
I’ve also realised how lonely I am. Everyone has their groups and their best friends but I just float around. Gets on with most people but just keeps under the radar.
That also brings up another point. Everyone on here seems to know someone and they know all their stuff and its so nice that people support each other here. I think I’m asking if someone would like to be my […]
I hate myself and I feel like a complete loser. I used to think I was somewhat pretty, but now I feel ugly, especially on the inside. I feel disgusting and dirty like I murdered someone. I am taking summer classes because I decided I just had to double major in another useless liberal arts field and it’s hard not to compare myself to people out having adventures and experiencing life. I don’t think it’s that lame to stay in school necessarily but for some reason I feel like I’m horrible for staying at home with my parents with no money or job, crying like a baby every day […]
I don’t know if is worth being alive because of two things:
1) Mi career has pushed me away from what I wish the most… Someone to love, take care of and make a family with. Grow together, look up for our kids and love them forever.
2) The only person that saw the good in me is no longer here. She left me for someone else. She stopped believing in me. In 24 years no one dared to see in the deepest part of me and love me unconditionally. She wasn’t able to understand the illness that haunted me before she came in. With her I […]
I’ve just realised how vague my previous post was, which may delay the process in receiving some form of helpful reply.
Ill try to put into words this feeling.
I can’t do anything right. No matter what I say or do or how I look. The phrase “no-once cares unless you’re pretty or dying” comes to mind. Of which only one applies to me, and I can certainly say that my appearance has had no positive impact on my life. I feel empty but at the same time I feel nothing, so really the question is – do I really feel anything at all? Am I forcing […]
Hi, I’m a filthy, retarded, creepy, transgender (male-to-female) emo noob and I deserve your contempt, whether I feel I deserve it or not is completely irrelevant -_-
I’m not the only one that wakes up every morning and is quickly, and brutally, hit with the feeling that their life is not, and never will be, something they can be proud of.
It gets better, everyone around me seems to genuinely believe that living a life I can be proud of is an abomination, an affront to their ‘decency’ and ‘taste’, no one has faith in me, because no one wants me to BE me, no one needs […]
Maybe I’m just too sensitive. I don’t want to be a part of them anymore. Is it my fault or is it yours. Stop being so sarcastic.
Stop. It makes me hate myself. It makes me hate everyone. But what do I know about hate.
I just know that I slowly don’t like going out with people. Don’t like people anymore. Don’t wanna hangout with people. Don’t wanna be social with people. Cause everything I’m doing has a sarcastic rebuttal. Oh well.
Swallow it. And pride down. Who cares about me anyways. Stop being so whiny.
The world is an ugly place. Ugly ugly place. Oh well.
I think we all ask ourselves is what if we just hold on one more day, one more week, etc. It’s that natural survival question we all ask ourselves, and it’s probably while we are all still here today. I know it’s why I am. Those lonely nights I had dozens of bottles of stockpiled medications sitting right near my bedside, those nights I had access to firearms, those nights where I could’ve jumped off a tall building. I’m still here because I still have that survival instinct asking me what if? What if things get better one day? I know it’s not going to […]
Everyone knows I’m going to kill myself. Everyone knows why. What do they all do? Ignore me. I don’t matter one damn to any of my so called friends or my many bosses at two jobs that have been falsely praising me and blowing smoke up my ass for the past year. You should’ve seen the look on her face (one of my supervisors). Total “fuck you, go die”. Don’t cry about trans suicide when I’m dead, then!
I posted my story here yesterday. Someone asked me if I had ever gotten help from a mental health professional.
I have not. Honestly I’m scared. Not only of what everyone in my life will say, but about the process itself. I do not want to just be pumped full of anti-depressants and spend an hour each week talking about what makes me sad. I am also terrified of being admitted to a mental ward.
Is there anyone on here who has been to therapy/gotten mental help and would be willing to share what it’s like?
Every since I found this site it was like a breath of fresh air.. I was finally able to say what was on my mind without scaring people away lol And I would read other peoples post and think did they actually go through with it.?? I really appreciate everyone that commented with words or encouragement and understanding. But its my time. This will be my last post I give up. I’m tired and this time ima make sure I succeed I wish everyone luck in life
Bye
Been home 2 years with back injury. Had a 2 level fusion and it has failed. Have to have another one. My business is gone. I’m financially drained. Nothing gives me joy. I love my wife and dogs and they are the only thing keeping me from doing it….but I am scared that’s not enough with the constant pain. When is enough enough? I know everyone will understand why. Lawyers, Dr’s, Work comp. Nightmare. I give up god, please take me before I do it myself.
I just want to talk about this one time I was is maths. I used to sit in the back left hand corner, out of the way. I now sit at the front dead centre where everyone can see me. I don’t really go to maths anymore.
Any way, back to the left hand corner. That day was colossally shit. The morning wasn’t great, it was just another one of those days where everything was subtly crashing down around me in the plain white room that is my maths classroom. For a while there was this guy in sixth form who came into our maths and […]
This is the crap in my head. It will probably never go out to anyone but maybe if I post it here it will help me.
I cheated on my boyfriend with my supervisor. After being with him for 10 years and begging him for marriage and kids, after he broke up with me twice I cheated on him. Through the years everytime I felt neglected or ignored i’d get depressed and flirt with guys around me. I never actually liked, was attracted to or gave a shit about these people but the attention was like a drug a quick hit to make me feel better. […]
I don’t know. There’s nothing left to say.
I’m just tired. Just want to leave.
I just don’t belong here.
I’ve never really liked games and life is just a game but the only thing that makes this game different is that we all know how it ends. Everyone loses. Everyone dies.
When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long
written by little_fallen_angel
I’m here for the same reason most everyone is, I’ve given up and I thought suicide was the only way out. Just a few days ago I posted something, but since then I’ve done some thinking. If suicide is the only way to find peace, then why have we held on for so long? It’s not because we love the pain we are in, it’s because one day we hope we wake up and hope the world will treat us better. It might also be because we know if we go we will be hurting our friends and family. Things may never get much better, […]
Always been the person to be there for everyone else. No matter what I went thru I pushed that aside to help the ones who couldn’t ever offer help me when I feel the same pain or in my opinion worse.. But what happens when I feel I need someone to be there? When I feel like I’m falling apart or becoming weak who other than myself can I talk too..clearly I know the answer to that, I just don’t want to believe it. So stressed out and wish that being my only friend and only comfort was enough. Sometimes it has been but that’s […]
So, apparently there is this earthquake that is supposed to take place in California on May 28th and I hope it happens so I can finally die in my sleep. I’m tired of this life, and I’m tired of waking up in the mornings knowing I have to start another miserable day of this life of mine. I’ve posted here in the past several times but as the days go on my depression gets worse and my thoughts get deeper. I honestly can’t take it anymore, I’m tired of being so lonely and only being remembered when people need something from me. I have no […]