…but this song makes me feel so… clean-sad. i can just relate. so yeah.
“it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it, to know what true freedom is…”
“they have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people…”
and i don’t even care if that sounds dumb. i can’t lie about how i feel, life was just better when i was a kid. i didn’t have the best childhood, but i wasn’t abused and at least i wasn’t depressed. i still had a capacity for fun and adventure, whereas now it takes a herculean amount of strength to face each day, and i feel ‘blah’ about everything. nothing is fun anymore. the years 2002-2007 stand out for me, i was young enough to still have a rosy view of the world. things went south after 08, 2009-10 was kind of the point of […]
Nobody cares but I need to vent.
So after summer vacations and in the first week of school I tried to kill myself 2 times with pills, one of those times I got 3 days in hospital. After that I started medication and got a bit better. The friendship with my “best friend” is now in a strange phase. I made mistakes that I regret, he is really ice cold and has been avoiding me. This hurts so much that I am getting bad again. Actually I am good sometimes and bad other times, like a rollercoaster and the new medication I started this month is […]
I had several really good days.. Until last night
Today is another day, I can’t shut my brain off, the thoughts circling around in my head I want to die.
Why don’t I just end it because I know how this works, I have a few good days and then they turn bad, very bad. I feel like the good days aren’t even worth living anymore because I never know when my mind is going to switch. I hate everything. I hate living like this. This isn’t a life, it’s just full of pain.
to look around at this world, at the people in it. To see how horrible it has all become, how truly selfish and disgusting people are. I look around in the hopes of finding proof that good exists that there is still love out there somewhere. But the more I look the less I find and the more depressed I become. This world is truly awful and everyday is a battle to not conform to not become as horrible as everything and everyone around me.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m afraid of this being the worst birthday ever for me. Not that it’s ever meant anything before. Only once as a little kid was my birthday really celebrated. I was maybe 4 or 5 and my mom had a friend from work who shared my birthday so he came over for dinner and she had a cake with both our names on it and he gave me a toy guitar and strung it up left handed for me. Then a couple of weeks later my mom threw it out because “music is the work of the devil” and all that. At some point when […]
guess she’s been having trouble dodging bullets these days
guess she’s a liar when she says everything’s okay
we’re just hanging on the time we’ve been given
not dead yet but never again living
I’ve got so good and pretending to be happy I sometimes even fool myself, but then I come to the quick realization that its just a facade and everything hits me a thousand times harder. The strange thing is I feel as if this only happens to me……
Because they don’t make memes that say “I’m single because I’m holding out for a perfect 10 under 100 lbs with 0% body fat that’s super gorgeous that every man would die for and I want her to agree with me on everything and be open to swinging but otherwise never cheat on me.”
Yes he posted that meme and he posts tons of others like it.
I think I’m losing you
but I will never regret choosing you
‘Cause I am in love
and for now that will be enough
and the ones around me convinced me that I was the only person
who was dumb enough to believe that you and I had hope
but now I know even after you begin to let your emotions slow
the reason I stood alone was because I was the only one who knew our love was never gonna let go
Everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive
so gouge out my eyes
’cause if this is reality then I guess I’m […]
it’s never ending .
I feel my self getting worse and worse every day.
I woke up sort of feeling good today . I wanted to kill my self this weekend but I didn’t. I feel selfish for wanting to give up my life , but I don’t know how to turn the pain off.
I went to my dental a class today and I feel like I’ve lost interest . I loose interest in everything. I’m not good at anything and I don’t really mean much to anyone . I haven’t made a impact . Everyone eventually fades out of my life .
Everyday I wake up with […]
I don’t know how to kill myself at this point. It’s cold again and like last year, I refuse to do anything that involves me being outside in the miserable freezing cold. But at this point I’d like to kill myself as a big “FUCK YOU” to everyone. I really want to delete my facebook all together. Why have it when I don’t have friends? It’s over with the asshole because -I- say it’s over. Real friends don’t constantly threaten to cut you out of their life unless you act like someone you’re not and pretend to be happy for them. That’s just being controlling. […]
I just wanna be in
a better place
a better position
a better person with
better people
better goals
better mindset
I just need everything to be better.
-22
I’m twenty-year-old female. I live alone and I’m in my 2nd year of college. I’m struggling with depression since I was 12. My mum had depression and I think she passed it on to me. All I think about everyday is how I can kill myself; I spend hours thinking how and I don’t have answers. I don’t have a “bad” life, I mean I have everything, but I’m still not happy. Last year I messed it up. I don’t know how I fell in love with my best friend’s dad, and I tried everything to stop it, but I couldn’t. When his family found […]
Please, somebody that’s more logical than me, somebody that can help. Tell me not to, tell me not to beg my cousin to give me her number so I can text her. It wouldn’t even be that long of a text, and I wouldn’t send more than one. Please, tell me not to. I want her to be happy, I can’t let me ruin that for her. I’m better than that.
God, she’s so beautiful though. She’s absolutely intoxicating. When I look at her, I find it damn near impossible to imagine I’ve kissed those lips. The one thing I can be sure of though is […]
I have absolutely no creativity anymore. I used to.
I find it difficult to express myself. When I try to focus on finding a good way, everything leaves me. Anything I have to say is just a basic, simple rambling of words.
I know you can’t force creativity, but I have no muse or motivation. It’s just me wanting to express myself effectively and I’m so terrible at doing things for myself, as I find myself unimportant.
It’s like there’s two sides in my head constantly fighting. One side is begging to speak and to be heard and the other side is saying whatever it has to say […]
today, was bound to be a horrible day. i woke up feeling like a failure. thinking about my future. I know I’m young but please don’t bash me about how I’m feeling. I was thinking about me graduating, and how everything’s gonna change. everyone’s going there separate ways, and everybody will be happy, then I think of me, how everything’s gonna just get worse for me.it always seems to be so great for everyone else, but when it comes to me it’s a whole different story. I feel like the universe is out to get me sometimes. And it’s just so overwhelming. I’ll be […]
Deer just isnt right
Deer tells himself that he isnt mentally ill
he thinks people will just use this against him
Deer hears things that arent really there sometimes
Deer gets urges to do really bad things sometimes like setting things on fire and watching them burn Or dragging filling his body with poison and constantly feels bad
he can’t complete daily tasks without feeling pain or wanting to go back to bed
he cant sleep at night and spends hours laying in bed thinking about everything he’d done wrong that day
he acknowledges his paranoia and anxiety but tries to ignore everything else
he doesnt knows […]
my heart: broken into a million pieces, my brain: shattered, my soul: no where to be found. I feel as if my body roams this earth but I am already deceased into the dark shadowy pits of hell with no where to go but down. I can physically feel the overwhelming heat burning through my body. my cries for help are consistent and as loud as atomic bombs hitting the ground. yet, no one seems to hear a thing. I’ve realized I’ve fallen so deep in this trance that no one is there to hear me now. hitting rock bottom is an understatement, people go […]