The title sums this up very well “Fucked UP” that is how I see my self and how my family and others view me a lot of the time, but we will get to that later. So im new to the site and just out of luck today before I made my final choice I decided to post a small post on here. For both advice and to see what others think. Im a 17 year old male who is: failing school (for two main reasons: one im lazy and two I view myself as stupid or dumb) I also have no job, no car, […]
Tag:
Existence
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
Day 1
I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece […]
As I sat there awakening from my dream-like state of fog that seems to be ever surrounding, whether it be sleep or the lack thereof, I realized that my morning ritual was left undone. So, I loaded bullet into the cylinder and give it a spin. Pulling back the hammer, I thought about the round I was using. It couldn’t be your standard run of the mill .44 mag round, for it could pass right through leaving me a vegetable. Potato or squash? Neither, because I was using a frag round, as to insure the job got done right. You see, the frag round breaks […]
It’s my first post here, I must admit that I don’t know why should I bother doing this given that nobody gives a fuck what I do. I want to fall asleep and never wake up, I’m one of the worst persons that ever lived, I’ve made a lot of people suffer and most of them hate me. I think I shouldn’t be alive, that way the world would be a much better place, I can’t think why I could make the difference here, nobody will miss me. I’m that guy that walks alone with his head down, who people never talk to, I don’t […]
For a long time now I’ve been subconsciously planning my suicide. My main reason for this is this ever growing sensation of “weltschmerz” – feeling the pain of the world and the uselessness of existence and living.
I have a good job that pays well. I am married to a woman that loves me, I have two beautiful and adorable children and still these aren’t good enough reasons for me to keep on living.
For as long that I can remember, I’ve been trying to live life, but never really knowing how. On the outside I’m am successful, but on the inside there is only this […]
The history of Earth does not indicate the existence of a supreme being that is worthy of worship.
Religion acts as an obstruction to discovering new truths.
“In the nineteenth century the problem was that God is dead; in the twentieth century the problem is that man is deadâ€
In a world where irrationality is largely the norm, rationality does not often seem to be conducive to happiness.
I need to know that something in me is still striving for an existence. I need to know that all of me has not given up hope. I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of no emotion, and will soon be so overcome with boilng rage, that I will begin to hurt others. I fear for what is in my mind. I fear for how I will turn out. I tell myself that things will get better because I want so badly to believe it so. I want to believe so badly that things will be okay, and it will all work […]
I have LPR.
It’s a horrid disease and incurable to say the least. Those with LPR have the pleasure of experiencing various, horrible, painful symptoms in their heads and throats. There is no cure. Doctors refuse to acknowledge its existence. The only one who does – a specialist – says having LPR is like having the ‘VIP pass’ to throat cancer.Guaranteed. The stomach enzyme pepsin is to blame for both LPR and fatal throat cancer. Proven.
And I have LPR. Proven. Therefore I am almost guaranteed to experience cancer, which will kill me. Painfully…
And even if I don’t, I will have to suffer for my whole life, […]
The worst fear in my life is not that i will lead a lonely life but that the loneliness will drive me insane.
Even when I am in the midst of a huge crowd, a familiar crowd of friends and relatives, that feeling of loneliness creeps in and sometimes pushes me into that unholy pool of madness… where the first impulse is to hide from everyone, the second is a strong desire to run away from everything and everyone,and then i get caught up in a feeling of despair… at how helpless and useless i am and then the doubts about why i am here to […]
Do any of you have anything that you’d like to do? if nothing could stop you? if you do then write it down and don’t edit it just see what comes out. I realize that time will always moves forward and moments will always pass you’ll never be the same age forever, I always thought that I could feel this way for a certain time and go right back to a moment but I realize now that I was in denial I really don’t know what to do now but I have things that I want to do, so I hope that despite your pain […]
seriously I think I’m losing it. It’s like my mind is eating itself with bad thoughts and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. I need to feel nothing at this point. I can’t bring myself to commit suicide at this point, I have too many failed attempts to mess up again. I just kind of want to not exist? but never have existed I think is a more accurate term. I see my therapist on Wed. but I don’t know how it will go, I think he is going to give me skills to cope which I don’t know how that […]
A bell rings out.
A pitched sound that hits the eardrum
and cripples the heart.
A line of black parades the street.
The world’s colors fade away.
A black and white existence.
The vibrancy is ripped away.
And the thought that your life may never be the same
is a thought you never wanted to hit you.
But it does.
It hits you harder than anyone has ever realized.
And years have passed.
And you still cry at night
until the tears have numbed the pain in your chest
and you finally drift to sleep;
praying to whatever god there is
that you don’t wake up the next day.
Each morning
you wipe the dried tears from your face
and everyone around you
thinks you […]
Towards the end when Agent Smith and Neo are battling inside the matrix and it looks like Agent Smith has won the battle, Neo stands up again to him…
Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without […]
We all know why I’m here, so let’s get straight to the point.
I’m not totally unhappy with my life, but… I honestly feel hollow and depressed, and I lack a purpose for existence. I know that should I end my life my family would be devastated, but don’t I deserve to be happier as well? I’m convinced that killing myself will bring me peace, yet I don’t want to be so rash in my decisions. Can anyone give me some advice?
i think iam done with life is it bad to be sucidal i guess if theres a god then i will be burning in hell for entrintey mabe idk i dont really belive in it i guess iam going down as a athesist idk honstley evryhtings meant to happen and lifes worth living its all bullshit i think so the question is is it bad to take ur own life well its a form of destruction agnaist self so it is viloenet but do u keep living with all this pain and shit from people or do u enter into the next world weather good […]
so I called the crisis line if anyone knows wat its liek to talk to them its agnozing to try to tell somone to ask for help when all people do is judge and say Its all fucking up to you really i had no idea i understand there just trying to help but i have heard it so much I have complained so much I know theres six billon people in the world but what dose it matter existence theres so much suffering in the world anyway so why do i matter. I use to be a happy kid even if shitty stuff happned […]
Up until recently I’ve been a pretty normal person, I don’t think anyone would suspect that I’ve been having frequent thoughts of suicide. I try my best to hide it and to act happy around people, but every now and then I just can’t. I like to be alone more often than not and when I am with people it’s hard to enjoy myself. I find myself faking a smile or laughing just so I’m not the only one not laughing. It’s as if I don’t have feelings anymore, I can’t feel any emotion, I just feel depressed, which I guess could be considered an […]
I’m always imagine a world without the existence of money. Why did money exist? Money causes unnecessary hardship and jealousy. If we can help each other regardless of status and selfishness, wouldn’t it be wonderful. The resources are already exist on the earth, but why some receive more than the others. Humans are evil, we grab the resources and claim as ours, we control the needs through money. Why greed and selfishness exist. I can’t wait for an asteroid to hit the earth. And I’m so tired to impress others, nobody is going to appreciate me if I have no status and ain’t rich.
All of these years I’ve spent trying to make everyone happy. I believed that if I could make them happy, I too could be happy. So I stopped enjoying myself for the time and began focusing on the happiness of those around me. Turns out though, I only further ruin their happiness. My very existence makes people unhappy. No one ever wants to work with me in school groups, even though I do everything for them just to make them happy. I try to be nice to people and socialize, yet I still cannot make people happy. I try to keep a happy outlook and […]