There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I don’t actually want to kill myself. I want to live. I want to not just breathe. I want to live. I’m constantly feeling like I’m dying. I have dreams, I have goals, I want to live. So why can’t I!!! Why is my life one huge disappointment after another! Why is everything extra fucking hard for me! Why can’t I be normal!!!! Why do I even suck at my suicide attempts!!! I can’t do shit right.
I definitely had my share of trials and tribulations last night. I just don’t know how I feel right now. It’s between understanding and numb. Not completely either one, but maybe somewhere in between of them both. I don’t know if I’m handling my emotions or if I’m hanging on to my sanity. Last night was crazy.
I finally got Jordan to come over and get the rest of his things. Of course he was over prideful, over furious at me and too stubborn to listen, he fought me every second I talked. After begging, he agreed he would talk. We sat down and I talked, […]
My mother is dying. She has always been the head of the family and she runs everyone’s life. She likes to keep everyone under her thumb. Even now, she won’t do what the doctors tell her (they told her mid May she only had a few weeks to live) and now it is mid August. None of us are strong enough to cope without her. I wish she would tell me that she loves me, that she knows I’m a trying to be good person. But instead, even from her sick bed she is trying to get everyone to do as she says. I know […]
I am 99% sure that I want to kill myself. I really want to tell someone that so they could say they had a chance to save me, and they can feel less guilty when they can’t, so they can say at least they tried. But I don’t want to tell Julian (fake name) because he would try to stop me. I haven’t felt this sure about anything in a long time.
I’m going to do it. I need to at least try, or I can’t live with myself. (I guess I wouldn’t be living with myself anyway, ha.) I will be documenting the next few […]
i let everybody down.
my arrogance is to blame.
my over confidence,
as well as the disillusion of actually being able to excell at anything that would be useful.
what am i now?
nothing.
i have done nothing worthy of note
and yet i have managed to convince all who know me into thinking otherwise.
i am not intelligent
i am not good at sport
neither am i good looking or funny
i am the definition of a disappointment.
i will probably achieve nothing with my life.
I have come to terms with my lack of real importance
as well as all who i have […]
Truth is, im a failure in life. I fuck up in school and I cant even complete something in the summer no matter how small I set my goals. Why can other people complete things and I cant? Why cant I truly be happy? I hate myself. My dad left me and I think my mom doesnt like me. Its just hard not having anyone there for you in life you know? I lost the ispiration to live and I just hate myself. Im going to be a senior and I still dont even know what im going to do when I grow up plus […]
Why is it so hard to understand? I have depression, but I don’t want to be fixed or cured or given “coping stratergies” (ugh). I just want to die. That’s why I don’t go to counselors any more, or talk to my friends or family about this: they assume I actually want to get better and treat me as such. It’s an assumption that would make sense for a healthy human being, but clearly that’s not me. I’m sick of being told that “It gets better!” by people who don’t understand my problems, and in many cases are the cause of them in the first […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I feel like I always fall short no matter what. Skills? Nope, so and so is better at this and so and so is better at that. I have nothing that I excel at. I’ve tried to meet my parent’s excpectations for 12 years. All my hope is dripping away slowly everyday. No body needs me. My family has my perfect little brother, my friends have their friends. After all, I’m just a tiny speck out of a few billion people. I don’t feel like anybody cares about me, but then I could be mistaken. So far, the only reason that’s kept me alive is […]
I think about college. I’ve failed so much. It makes me feel hopeless. My friends will be graduating next year and i think i will be left out. I have 7 failed classes i need to retake and 2 back subjects. I want to graduate with my friends. But its my depression that causes me from failing my classes. I didnt want to wake up for school, when i wake up theres no food so i go to school with empty stomach, college is an hour away from my house, some of my classmates would make fun of what i look like, im not that […]
I guess many can say I’m overreacting. Many would say the cliche “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. But I am done.
21 years of my life someone actually returned their feelings. Someone made me happy. We were in love.
I have been used, manipulated, led on and abandoned. But this person…they weren’t anything like that.
They were innocent. They weren’t capable to do such things. But my past hurt, and my mental illness drove us apart and I feel much worse than before.
I was suicidal and planned but they came into my life and saved me. They picked up the pieces and glued me together. But […]
I was have been depressed since march of this year. and the trigger was separation from my husband. I have loved my husband and left everything for him and now he kicked me out of the house because i called the cops on him as i was slapped and was injured once. I have hired a lawyer to get the charged dropped or atleast convey to the prosecutor for leniency. We both have our flaws and i am from get go willing to seek couples counselling. I have been so helpless and a failure as i was hoping to be a good wife. i still love my […]
2o14 has been the worst year of my life. My psycho girlfriend miscarried our child in the beginning of this year and I have never been the same. I’ve gone from being a social, funny, out going guy, to someone who stays away from everyone and doesn’t want to do anything anymore. I tried doing nursing in college, which is what I really wanted to do, but failed out and am going for a degree in criminal justice with intent to be a police officer, but I don’t have the best past which might keep me from being one and I’ll end up wasting my […]
I feel guilty hating my life like I do. I’m what most people would consider successful, but what I consider a complete and utter failure.
All I’ve ever wanted to be is a wife and mother, yet at almost 35, I’ve never even had a boyfriend. I’ve failed at what’s supposed to be the most natural thing of all, love. I have no one to talk to about this, because no one would understand. I think about killing myself most hours of the day, and no one I know would believe me if I told them that. I’ve become very good at faking my life, so […]
I am a failure. i am at a loss. i have received advice. i thought that following it would suffice. but as the time passes and as i reevaluate my life…
i am supposed to pursue art next year and go study abroad in italy to broaden my understanding of what i am getting myself into. but in order for me to pursue that future i only needed to graduate.
i only needed to pass the three subjects that i had failed last year.
i did well during the first few months but i started to go on a downward spiral halfway. no one understands how depression […]
Today was the day that I was supposed to die, but I have failed once again. All week I have been getting my affairs in order, and I was finally ready to depart from this world. I woke up, went to my one and only class, and left class feeling completely and utterly at ease, and at peace with what I was about to do. My letter was written, I had said my goodbyes, I was ready. I drove home from class, and started tearing up a little bit in the car, but that quickly subsided when I realized that everything […]
I’ve attended church my whole life. My entire family, including extended family, is Christian. I was always the strange one. I was obsessed with dark things, such as demons, ghosts, and horror movies. I was also extremely sexual as a kid. I’m not proud of it at all. If anything, I hate myself for it. I don’t know why I was like that either. The only reason I’ve ever been able to think of is the vague memory I have of being in some bathroom with someone telling me I couldn’t tell anyone. But anyways, I’ve just never been fully devoted to God. Lately, those […]
I´m total failure and I know my life is heading nowhere and I lived in endless hope, but now the hope is totally gone and I don´t want to live anymore in this freaking world .
is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..
otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]