Not having a funeral when i die, people didnt want to make the effort to see me in life so it would be the greatest of insults for them to see me in death, it’s too late then, it’s not their fault it’s just the way it is…
I will be cremated and have my ashes discarded with only my immediate family present it doesnt matter where that takes place as it makes no difference..
Before I start, I guess I’ll preface by saying that I’m not really used to doing this sort of thing—that is, writing out my problems to anonymous internet users. Hopefully it is way better than talking to my phony therapist, getting paid 100 dollars an hour for absolutely nothing.
Where to begin? I guess I’ll just say I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. Except that is hard for me to believe when I actually show signs of ugliness. If this phenomena of BDD didn’t even exist, I doubt I’d be writing this now. There would be nothing for doctors to pawn off as […]
Hi,
so so this is the first time ever posting on a site (any site actually) but I’ve found that venting about thing regardless if people respond or not is beneficial and seeing a therapist once a week is clearly not cutting it anymore.
Okay let’s see now, I am 23 first generation American, middle child, genetic history of major clinical depression with multiple family members taking their own lives.
On the surface, I have a pleasant life. I haven’t had to worry about finances as much as most people have. Ran track in HS and was a state champion. Played collegiate rugby and excelled. However since I was […]
I am just sick of people and I feel that I am not able to make friends again and there is no friends in my life only one friend since high school and the rest doesn’t return my calls and we gather once a year I know that every body has a busy life but I am sick of being alone with my family
I recently have been feeling more screwed up than usual. I am honestly amazed that I haven’t been asked to leave my house. I am making my family’s life miserable, but they still attempt to love me. I wish that I could be a better person. We all know that it’s my fault that my family’s a mess at this point. I literally am a waste of space.
There are only a couple things keeping me on this earth:
1. My friend and her mom. They are the nicest people I have ever met, and they are […]
I’m the youngest child of a survivor who made multiple attempts on her own life. How bad is it that I really really wish she had succeeded? I hate her with a passion. She is the worst narcissist I have ever met, myself included. She is extremely manipulative and it may be possible that she is trying to drive me into a nervous breakdown.
My father is a recovering alcoholic, and I have heard from many people (my mother’s own siblings included) that she literally tried to get him to drink himself to death. He has no idea how I’m feeling, apart from my anger towards […]
I’ve stopped cutting for about 4-5 months, but I yearn to do it again. I want to feel the blade pushed into my skin. I have extremely bad problems with talking to my family. I can’t do that. I see a therapist only once every other week. I thought that I was getting better, that I was finally recovering but, I’m not ok. I’m not recovered. I need some help.
So yeah, my title about says it. Here’s a little about me. I’m a 21 year old male that’s completely lost my drive. I have no hope. I have nobody. The two surrogate parents I had died within two days of each other. I have around 40% mobility and strength in my hands due to sindactilysm (look it up), so I’ve been laid off from every job I’ve landed due to being so damned slow compared to other employees. It’s not bad enough for disability. I lost my home already and I live in a parking lot trailer, temporary courtesy of a church that took […]
I was born in a undeveloped country in South America called Brasil. When I was a child my family faced lots of difficulties but my mom said that I could win in life if I was a great student. I have studied a lot and I could enter in a prestigious public university in Brasil. In 2013, I earned an exchange course in Australia sponsored by the Brazilian government, and there in Australia I met the love of my life. A wonderful Chinese girl that gave me happiness and we truly love each other until today.
However, my sponsor finished last year and I had to […]
So, I had a conversation today:
Me: Hey…
Sister’s friend: Hi (my name), how are ya?
Me: Alive.
Sister’s friend: *nervous laughter* Well, that’s good.
Me: Depends on your perspective.
Sister’s friend: *more nervous laughter* You’re funny…
This aggravates me, far be it from me to seek attention or, god forbid, support, but it seems like people, especially the ones around me, feel comfortable ignoring every snide and brutally honest comment I make, do I have to hold up a sign?
Hell, while I’m reminiscing, gather ’round kids, let me tell you a story:
Late(ish) last year, I was walking home, along a busy street, when some kids started […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I dont really know what im doing here or how i really found this place, all i know really know is that i am alone. I dont have any family or friends to talk to or suport me, an i wish i did.
I cant shake these feelings much longer. This life has not been kind and im ready to leave this forsaken place. Mid september hints the user name.
Tbh im a 15 year old boy who has just taken a load of pills and drank so much. And im so lonly that i have to tell a website that im sorry and im going to miss people.
My family ill miss you all.
My friends… The ones i still have… Ill miss you.
But penny ill miss you so much… I love you so much… I fucked up and fucked you up with it… Now ive fucked up again and were both fucked up again… Im not sure if ill be at school tomorrow… Im sorry i broke the promis again. Im going […]
It’s Sunday and I am desperately in need of some hope…. I feel that I am coming dangerously closer and closer to the edge. I recently have been ruled physically disabled and unable to work due to an stomach illness that causes me to regurgitate most to all my meals. I have been diagnosed with this illness for the last four years. Doctors have no way of effectively treating my illness, so the possibility of improvement is bleak at best. At 18 I was declared mentally disabled due to several mental health diagnosis. After being on disability for 6 years and refusing to go to treatment […]
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI)
S to the S to the R to the I, S to the S to the R to the I,
Blocking my Serotonin reuptake to keep me alive.
Mirtazipine, Citalopram, Ventafalxine too,
My brain must be swimming in Serotonin soup!
I can’t just rely on these antidepressant medications,
Gotta keep exercising, eating good food and practise meditation.
See my friends and family and avoid procrastination,
Crack out the play doh and get some inspiration.
I can’t hide it, I belong to the one in four,
I hope this condition never comes to knock at your door.
If it does call me up and […]
I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that i’m ready to leave. The only thing that keeps me here is the responsibilities I feel I owe my family. I’m 19 years old, and the only boy in my family. 2 sisters and my single mother. So you can imagine the huge amount of pressure I’m under to succeed. We have always been broke. Growing up my mother had many boyfriends come and go, many of them physically abusive toward her and me. (never my sisters though). As a child growing up I had Enormous potential, I’m extremely intelligent, there’s no denying as I have […]
“Endurance” what does endurance mean? Hi everyone! I’m new to this site, but I’m sure we are all here for the same reason. We have suicidal thoughts or have actually attempted to take our life. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 9. At age 11 I was diagnosed with depression. I was never abused nor was I bullied in school, but I was always lonley when it came to socialize with others, I never thought that being alone was a bad thing. I actually liked being alone, but I came to realize that I had no friends. I have a family who cares A […]
I want you guys to know its ok to want to kill yourself and that its also ok if you want to not ‘give up’ (more like give in). I know there are many various spiritual beliefs so i won’t get into that but i want you to know that the only person who can judge you is you. The opinions of your family, friends, the state or ‘God’ don’t matter. You are what matters. If you feel like it is your time to leave Earth then leave, cleanly, without regret. For those worrying about hurting their loved ones. Imagine if you moved to some […]
I don’t often post on forums or anywhere online. I’ve always kept everything to myself. I don’t really do any sharing about myself, to anyone. I don’t like drawing attention to myself. I’m not very social, I don’t like to go out. Being out and around others makes me incredibly tense and anxious. Even over the phone, or texts, facebook, email, etc. I just dont like people I guess. I have one person I love and care about. I don’t really have close friends, I’ve been estranged and was banished from my family for about a decade.
I grew up with an adoptive family who appeared […]
I may not have had the greatest upbringing being from an undesirable neighborhood of NYC. But despite all the bad things I saw and experienced as a child, I was just so happy. The trick was, it can always be worse. No matter how bad things got, all I had to think was ‘it can always be worse’ and bam I’d feel better. No matter how terrible I think my life was, there’s always someone out there going thru much much worse. And this simple way of thinking has gotten me thru my entire life.
Now things have changed. I just turned 20 years old and […]
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