I started a new job today, my first full-time job in six months. I wish I could give it a chance, but my mind won’t let me. So many times today I asked myself why I dragged myself back into this grind when three months ago I was so ready to just say fuck it and end it all. I feel like now I’ve just taken on more expectations and added a whole new set of people I’m probably going to let down the next time I have a really bad couple of weeks. Part of me clearly doesn’t want to give up, but the […]
Tag:
family
Fist things first. Since this is a tale of redemption it needs a soundtrack. What better than Cordless’s ode to HDS:
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Hyper-Haze.mp3
Now for the tale…
Last May I was at the pet store buying kibble or something related to cats when I found myself staring at the feeder tank. For those folks unfamiliar with feeders they are these little goldfish that are sold to feed to other fish. They are considered throw away fish. I stood there for fifteen minutes watching these little fish swim around, crowded, frantic. They didn’t know their own fate, they only knew the tank they resided […]
ive been working my ass off day and night, 7 days a week non stop. It has lead me to a place of isolation from my friends and family. So i get up today and go to this school thing for a project and I came home at 5pm- and at this time i hvent ate anything and was feeling sick from exhaustion . so im in the kitchen and theres nothing to eat. i ask my dad for 5 bucks to got get a sandwich or something and this is where i get confused.
-He tells me, why the fuck would i give you […]
I’ve just reached the end my family doesn’t understand anything they’ve been yelling at me all day blaming me for being a waste of space. I don’t want to be here if do anything to get lost
Yesterday I went to my adult end center and my teacher says if I get a good score on the GED and SAT I could probably go to a university in the fall
As sick as it may sounds I may have to dich my whole family (siblings, cousins, parents) They never really cared anyhow.
My childhood dream is becoming a reality.
The thing is, it’s not always a bright sunny day. It’s a good shot to make others feel better at least. Of course I want to help them also as far as I can. It’s a relief when you seem them years from now waving at me and having a priceless smile. It was worth it.
I know it was worth it.
But you know, as what I’ve told you, I’ve had troubles. One of the members in our family is depressed and I’m trying so hard to help her. She’s my sister actually. When I’m in the class, I don’t understand why we should not entertain […]
Malicious neighbour who always try to put us down and got away with their petty revenge in the past threaten to sue my family over our car Back Up Alarm. They mock and taunt us that my family can get a heavy fine, arrested, and owe them compensation money in return. The worst case scenario is that we live in between them and their in-law family down the street who kids are just as bad. They are like ping pong balls bouncing back and forth leaving the mess behind on our driveway.
Basically, they have been openly overconfident and obnoxious ever since they snapped […]
Hi. I’m the rug.
I’m in pretty significant pain today, but something new, my family is also screwing me out of what little money I manage to save up.
I lent my sister 1k a while back.
Rather than paying me, she paid my mom, and told me I could get it back from her- which we all know isn’t true.
My mom has bought an in-ground pool during a semester where she screwed me out of paying a third of my college semester, and now she has taken out a second mortgage on the house.
She threatened to kick me out again over something as silly as […]
Ive been thinking about suicide for a few months now. I’m at that age where everybody I knew is getting their corporate jobs, getting married and moving away. I’ve been thinking about suicide because I’m such a piece of shit. Social anxiety makes it hard to get/keep a job. I sit on my couch all day wondering how nice it would be having a good job, a loving family and friends. My mom thinks I’m a failure and I believe it. The only thing that’s kept me from ending it all in the past was wondering if she’d be able to take the shock, but […]
Extremely long rant sorry ….
Oh im sorry great and all power full Sandra I dishonored you. !!!! Have I fail you I have not gave you grandchildren because “I wanted to get my financial right” her words .FUCK ME its was not i was 18 year old newly wed I wanted my own home …You know if I had a bed that did not come out of the wall. And well you know not living with you in small apt with you if I have sex no fucking will hear me the last thing I want right now is child . beacuse if you’s decided […]
I failed, I had one job to houner my parents.
I was harassed and molested growing up, Its a good thing Im bi so the scar isn’t as bad as it could be.
Mental health buracacy and CPS left me for dead, I think it was because of my family’s income bracket and long military background.
I could use a hug.
I can’t do this, anymore. I’m done. I don’t even care about the mess or scarring my family, anymore. Here’s hoping I don’t see everyone on the other side too soon. Cheers! *drinks my fizzy chocolate milk*
I can’t live anymore but I can’t die. I hate feeling this way but I know my family would be devastated if I committed suicide. The people who care about me is the only thing keeping me alive.
House filled with people, Husband a big family…..but I’m fucking alone.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.
l alone no one to talk all ways surrounded by self centered with greater feeling then god kind of people . thats who I live now and I can’t get away from it no one cares. Im tired and really what to go home. just go home. Please some take me home please .
What do you say to comfort someone that recently lost someone in their family?
Not just by suicide, but by all types of death. No one I know has lost someone recently, but this question has been floating around my head, and I don’t believe in coincidences.
I’ve never lost anyone, so I have no clue what to say
I’m new here. Excuse my bad grammar skills.
also apologies for the extremely long first post.
I’ve been creeping a couple days now not as a member reading some of the posts and although sad, they made me feel home. There’s a couple things i want to get off my chest personally because i feel as though i cant go to anyone. my family is not the lovey dovey type, i didn’t grow up with mandatory family time, my parents and siblings were not involved in my personal life, And i’m not here to complain or whine, i did not grow up neglected but i just never […]
I’ve suffer from anxiety and depression for months after my relative just keep telling me “not to worry and let karma do the rest” about my neighbour from hell next door. Things didn’t get better but escalate for the worst. He never listened to me to be about being careful about those people trying to harm us/seek revenge and it is always better to stay safe than to be sorry. I tried very hard to stay positive and always strive to protect my home from these sort of jerks that try to provoke us with their words, kids playing on our driveway, and petty revenge […]
(Today) I realized that I’m an ungrateful child.
It’s because since my mom died, I started wanting more than what I already have. It’s because I envy other kids that have both parents and siblings; it’s wanting a nicer house, nicer things. I just don’t want to be me as I hate myself. I just don’t want what I have, and I thought I was grateful for what has been given to me, but it’s not like that.
I don’t want to live with my aunt and uncle; I want real parents too. I want brothers and sisters. I want a nicer phone; I want to be […]
So, as usual, I got 400 ideas, plans etc. I got at least a dozen projects going. Half a dozen deals. On top of work, family obligations.
Why do I do this? Constantly emulating progress. As if the next step will finally fill this void…
I find myself daily thinking if I could just “X” then it’d be better. Then I remind myself it won’t. It’ll be the same just different, so I should kill myself.
Pretty much my inner voice lately, yeah I could do…. or you know, just die.