So I have severe social anxiety and have only had one ltr which was an ldr. Im trying to lose weight and do more stuff in order to possibly meet someone special. So at work in order to destigmatize talking to women i decided to say hi how are you or some variation to every girl i could at work. I work at a huge warehouse and we all have to move really fast. So i couldn’t keep any long convos going.(good im terrible at small talk) I didn’t have a panic attack the whole time and im proud of myself. Im going to continue […]
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Hello,
I am gonna leave SP pretty soon. Somehow this site triggers my sadness.
If anyone wants to talk via email, id love to.
sui_rc@yahoo.com.
Be happy, to anyone and everyone who reads this. You will have realised by now that life moves pretty fast, and its to short to be sad over something. I use sad a s a generic word for anxiety, depression etc.
This site has provided me a lot of support when no one near and dear to me understood why i cut.
I tried the other night and failed miserably.
My heart beats so fast now, everything feels numb and I’m completely zoned out.
I just lay here staring at the ceiling. I’m scared. Maybe I’ll try again.
The thought of my mom finding out about my depression scares me. Why? Why does it scare me so much? I’m not sure.
This post is similar to my last one but I have to let it out anyway. I woke at around 4 PM today. My friends had planned to come pick me up at around 12PM so we would go spend time together before we all return to college. So when my alarm woke me up at 10 AM today, I texted them saying that I was so sick I couldn’t even get out of bed. That was true, I felt so tired.
It’s ironic how […]
My 3 year old niece sang me happy birthday over the phone. That was really cute and it made me smile. I also cried a little because I miss her. I haven’t seen her in a while. So, for a moment I forgot about the pain. For a moment…
It’s a new year. A new day. Same damn shit, different day. It’s just another shitty day. Nothing special. That’s how I feel about this day.
Happy New Year SP. Hope your year turns out better. I see mine going downhill and fast.
So the horror that is my life begins…
N.N.M
I think that I’m really not cut out for life.When I think of my future, I see myself alone. Not because that I suck at doing stuff but because of my anxiety. I am always scared to do things out of my comfort zone, I panic fast, I get angry in little time, I speak before I think and that I am a pessimist. I unknowingly ruin relationships with other people because of these. I wonder if I can get life through with this. I have put all my efforts in changing myself, even just one step at a time but still to no avail, […]
I never understood how meaningful those words actually are. I never understood how much they meant to me until someone showed me they cared. In my mind they were just something that was said to someone to expand on their relationship with someone.
I learned it’s hard for me to love others. My two main friends, when they’re sad will text in a group text, and say I love you. The one who didn’t say it will always respond back the same, but I never answer. They’ve never brought up anything about me answering it. So I don’t know if they think something’s wrong with […]
Today was really hard . I had to get through work without breaking down . But I think my sadness turned into anger today . I work at a smoothie bar/wrap place and I was trying to make a wrap and the tortilla kept breaking and so I threw it at the wall. I was so fustrated . And it was so busy. I hate serving people . Everyone is always in a hurry. I can’t wait to finish my dental assisting class so I can get a real job.
I wish life wasn’t so hard for me . I wish I had it easier . […]
It’s me i haven’t killed myself yet still thinking of January or just before. My father may have something wrong with his kidneys and i don’t want to watch him die my god mother has something wrong with her heart and i know death is approaching fast so my death must approach i am only worried about leaving my mom without money especially if dad dies im a big part of what keeps money coming in.i don’t know how to change that in fact it breaks my heart.i know they’ll be looked after by god even after im gone i just worry about them.im not […]
I messed up. I messed up big time. I’m ready to end it. My girlfriend is freaking out and I’ve already said my goodbyes. All I have left to do is get my last few smokes in and then do it either by knife or taking as many pills as I can. I’ve lived way too long already. My grandfather died because I didnt call fast enough. I did something horrible to my cousin. I’ve hurt everyone around me. It would be better if I was gone. But I’m scared. I’m scared of pain. I was looking up ways of how to do it and […]
Today i woke up from a horrible dream. To stay up to cry about the baby i lost. And now 3 years later i look over to the one that saved me from ending it all with her relentless love and dedication but as fast as it came it left. It kills me when you give up your life to move across state to make their family yours its depressing when your treated like shit by the person your even here for in the first place. Its fucked up how people lie and deceive you over and over like have you any remorse?? I dont […]
There’s no other way to say it. I’m just slipping. I’m slipping very fast into the void and I don’t know how to stop it. I can feel it happening. My emotions are starting to change. They’re growing. I can’t even explain it. I know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it. I want to cry. But I don’t do that. I’d rather just die. I’d rather die than go back to the way I used to be. I’d rather die than admit how I feel. I’d rather die than try and deal with this all over again […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
That I am going to kill myself in the home I grew up in. No way. Not now. Not ever. I can’t be such a shame to my family especially my dear mother who I love so much. I know things have been rough on us all since Dad passed and I would never want to add anymore to grieving. I’ll be that good son you always wanted me to be, and I promise I won’t be a corpse that you’ll have to come and identify. There is not going to be any trace left of me. I don’t want a funeral, I just need […]
I’m not thinking rationally right now…the thing about being bi polar is it all hits you so hard so fast and you cant get away from whatever emotion is running you over and all i want to do is breathe help me please im drowning in me… I want to die please tell me no please tell me no its buring a hole in me i dont want this anymore please please please
Good God, I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m slipping fast. I am so lonesome and pathetic that I am spewing my shit on here.. No offense to all of you people. I’m sure youre all great.
I miss feeling connected with my husband… This sucks.
I almost got a blessing today, but that almost blessing went away fast. I’m going to go to jail today most likely. I’m in a really bad spot and no one is going to help me I’m on my own. I have no choice. I’m going to be alone. I just have one more thing to say don’t true anyone people are evil they hurt you every chance you get especially when they see that you are down they will just make its worse. Just when I started be living in god again I punched in the face again.
I was sucidal, fast forward a few years, ive gotten over it
I thought id let you know a lil’ bit more about me so i told i once felt like killing myself
I was so shocked when you told said
“suicide is wrong, it’s selfish; why cant you be more thoughtful?”
You made me feel as though i chose to be suicidal
& i should be ashamed and punish myself for it
Why cant you understand
I thought you were trustable
I
Thought
You
Were.
Just letting some randos know that I’m going to end it. Gotta act fast, as my condition is worsening, and I can already barely walk.
I’m going with a drop-hang. Can’t find a gun.
I’ll be sorry for whoever finds me, but at least they’ll have something dramatic to talk about with their friends. Imagine the mawkish, self-serving Facebook post! So many likes.
I’ll be especially sorry for my mother. My poor, hardworking, lonely mother. I am all she really has, and I am worthless: if I don’t end it, she continues to suffer through my deteriorating health, and if I do, I also end her life in a way.
But, I […]
It’s not the thoughts of suicide that are getting stronger. Not that. But my ability to stay safe that is getting weaker. No proper sleep for months, no proper food for weeks, random and variable support in fighting this landlady who is evicting me. We are to be homeless again, and I am getting weaker and weaker, trying to fight it. Running out of hope. Running out of options. As winter approaches fast, we are faced with sleeping in the car, again. In this life 21st century life, you have to have money to get folk to listen and support. Solicitors, surveyors, anyone. They all […]