So why does that strange feeling of loneliness is so powerful and confusing?
Lots of people here relate to it.
But sometimes we can be alone and by ourselves without it hurting us, without it even matter.
And then agaim we can be surrounded by people and yet feel we are doomed by the solitude inside us.
What is it all about? How can it make us feel so bad, so wrong, so worthless?
I can’t do anything. I’m a waste of space and a burden. No one cares and I’m always ignored. I hate how everyday I just get worse and worse and no one sees. But then again, apart of me doesn’t want anyone to know. I hate how I always contradict myself everytime. I want to be happy but then I feel like I don’t deserve it. I want to be more open with people, get help but then I don’t. I just can’t do anything. I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I almost can’t find happiness in anything and all I want […]
I think they are a waste of time unless you have very specific grievances to name. Nevertheless, I caved in and wrote one so maybe my dad won’t feel as bad…
“I know you love me, but you can’t force someone to stay alive just to make yourself (any of you) feel better. This did not happen because I need to take more antidepressants. No, it’s not because I need more vitamin D. No, it’s not entirely about Bryan. NO, this was not a rash decision I would take back. Do you know the lyrics to the M*A*S*H theme song?
Thru early morning fog I see
visions […]
If I were to do it…
By it, I mean take my life.
The plan would be creative,
Elaborate…
Full of spite.
With some rope I’d hang,
My feet still touch the floor.
Not enough to asphyxiate,
Just to numb the core.
A gun fixed behind me,
With pulleys and cables to the door.
So you can be the one to kill me,
Like so many times before.
Maybe then you can feel me,
Through my blood upon you face.
Maybe then you’ll see,
The folly of your ways. . . […]
I have a very severe case of Body Dysmorphia Disorder. Which makes life so difficult for me. And it has only gotten worse. Going into work every single day, knowing people are looking at me, and thinking how hideous i am. It hurts me so so bad. I actually feel bad for the people that look at me. Because of that, nobody ever wants to talk to me, or hang out with me. There is a girl that is required to sit next to me, and she is constantly complaining about that. But I actually feel bad that she has to sit next to me.I […]
We are not the only ones who feel how we feel. Hes someone i watched growing up and he died how i wanted to die 3 hours away from where i now live its crazy to think.
May you find the peace in death you couldnt find in life. If heaven exists im sure there is a halfpipe.
pushing through the days somehow ignoring that nasty voice in the back of my head(sometimes at the forefront) that says I should die, that death would be easier, that death is sweet, that I should cry until I die. I’ve gone to the doctor lately who tells me she’s concerned about my weight gain and my liver. I googled diets that could help my liver and maybe i won’t drink as much anymore but im so sad and there is so much liquor in my fridge/freezer.
I’m at work pushing back the tears because they won’t help. I bumped into a friend from college and another […]
Initially this post was going to be (and still may be) similar to a lot of posts where i complain about how undesirable i feel to women. The impetice for that feeling was a commercial for a movie called How to be single. I get it “everybody sleeps around”. Well pop culture and the 6 to 9 corporations that own you. FUCK OFFF!!!! Im a super depressed introvert who hates social networking and doesn’t look like brad pitt. Furthermore the few times in my life where i did luck into a “hook up” left me feeling empty. It isnt for me. But it is a […]
There is so many things stressing me out and i just want to let go and feel that blade against my skin. I want peace of mind for just a couple minutes. The other thing is that my nightmare was that I lost control in front of my dad who knows nothing about me being a cutter and I just grabbed a knife and started cutting myself up. I kept saying this is what you do to me; over and over again. My cousin had to grab me and force my hands to stop. With that nightmare going through my head I’m feeling really frazzled […]
So, I went to see a doctor. Basically to just confirm what I already know. Major depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD. I told him I think I might have a personality disorder too, something along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, or Avoidant Personality Disorder. I know I might be going overboard here, but I feel like I fit the criteria perfectly, for both BPD and SPD, actually. He said he’ll look into it with our upcoming consultations.
I always look at the criteria for all these personality disorders and think, “Fuck! This is so me.” Not that my personality traits cause any […]
I don’t need you-
to feel whole,
to fill holes
(in fact, you leave me empty).
I had pins and needles
in place of feelings,
and a pill-pack
in place of friends.
Eyes open but not seeing;
you blinded me.
Numb to pain-
too pained to feel
LEAVE ME ALONE- I beg of you.
I stomp you into soil
and planted you.
You’ll never grow,
but I will.
I don’t need you-
Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…
In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.
Stumbled upon this site and I’m wondering if others feel they are looking for something that doesn’t exist. Compulsive shopper thinking I will find something that will make a difference in my life. Really don’t know how long I’ve been doing this and curious if this is common. Thanks
I don’t feel like I have a right to post here, but I refound something that I would really like for you to watch, even if it makes you hate my guts. Please please give this a go.
A few days i bought a whole lot of supplies for my exit & wrote on here that I would soon be leaving. For anyone following that post I am still here (obviously).
I decided to go and visit my mother for the night before I committed suicide. I was still convinced that now was the right time but during the night this really weird thing happened…..
I woke up during the night as i thought i heard my mum out in the hallway. I tried to sit up in bed and call out to my mum to ensure she was alright (she was […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
(yeah it might be silly to include a trigger warning on a site about suicide, but this is a little outside of the normal realm of discussion, and i don’t want to ruin anyone’s day by triggering them.)
i’m thinking about buying cigarettes. i’ve never smoked one in my life, but suddenly i have the urge to. i think it’s because self-harming (i.e. cutting and/or beating) isn’t helping anymore, not like it used to. usually when i self-harm, my urge to kill myself lessens, loses its edge. but this time, i feel the same. i still feel like the floor is coming apart under me, like […]
Reading some people’s posts here sometimes makes me think that I don’t have it that bad, if things are written on paper. At the same time I think thought that I personally am much worse. People here have attractive personalities and can socialize so well, they say creative things and go back and forth with each other so well. In contrast I just feel like a lurker, a package containing all the negatives of the human experience who found the ultimate worse addictions, feeling sorry for himself and reading about people who truly struggle with real problems.
I wish I could communicate better, and I’m not […]
I wish I was special.
I wish so many things.
But I’m a creep .
I’m a weirdo.
I do whatever makes me happy.
though it doesn’t last long.
What am I waiting for?
I should just be done with it and end it all right?
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
She ran.
So far away.
You’re so special.
You’re just like an angel.
I want you.
To notice.
I want a perfect soul.
I want a perfect body.
I wish I was special.
You’re so fucking special.
I don’t care if it hurts.
I don’t belong here. . .
I think I want to die but not because of sadness. I want to die because I can not live with myself. I […]
Why? Why is everything so fucking hard? I thought I was getting better. I thought my feelings and emotions were returning. I thought I was finally feeling human again.
But I’m not.
I don’t feel alive. I’m stuck in the middle. Between life and death. I was trying to choose life, but it’s not working. I can’t choose death. Not yet.
I want to die, but I can’t. I try to live, but it’s hard. Life never brings anything for me. Death is well within reach, but I can’t end it.
I hate being STUCK. I hate being TRAPPED.
When is the pain going to end?
I don’t want to cut […]
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