Today I told my mom that I am going to end my life on my birthday. My birthday is in 2 months. I only told her because I didn’t want it to be a surprise for her. I wanted to give her enough time to sit with the idea. I always mess things up in life. I’m just not good at it. I tried to take my life 2 years ago but it didn’t work. I took it as a sign that I must have a reason to live. But no, it was just me failing again. So, this time I’m going to make sure […]
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feel
Hey guys. I realised something. I am young, so young. I am going to turn 20 on the 26th december. I have decided to let go all of my theories of atheism/creation and blah blah and do what makes me feel alive- Boxing and gym. I am also good looking an have nice muscles lel. I hope you find peace in this life, I am going to find it by boxing and gym and high protein diet like I use to do, I also recommend sport for you too. By making sport and having a well based diet you can overcome any problem . I […]
You make me feel so shit. You try to help me but you hurt me. You guys make me feel so depressed. You’ve killed my social life, my only respite from home, my only coping mechanism that seems to work without being overly self-destructive. How can I cope now?
No dad I cannot fucking talk to you, can’t you see?
Every time we talk I stutter. Can’t you see? I’ve never been comfortable around you guys, that’s why I’m always trying to escape. That’s why I do the things I do. It’s all to escape from you guys (mainly) and school.
You guys make me wanna kill […]
I don’t feel anything anymore .
So yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the U.S. This last year (really the last 2 years) have been really bad for me, so I’m having a hard time feeling thankful/grateful about anything. Does anyone else on this site feel the same way? Also, how do any of you find things to be grateful for? I appreciate any and all suggestions.
How do you wait so long for something that should already be??
How do you take a break from waiting??
Im only waiting on my heart to break.
So maybe i wont feel so tired of waiting.
Usually I can’t cry. Today I managed to a couple of times. Once was when I tried to write a short message to someone. I couldn’t understand the words well enough to construct a short sentence. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t speak to them. I cried because I’d lost so much. The tears were loud and I was sensitive to noises today, so it sounded like screams ringing in my ears. I lay with my hands clamped against my mouth to stop myself screaming from the pain of the noise and depression. I lay for a long time. After an hour or two I fell […]
{Haven’t posted or commented in a couple days, but I’ve been reading your posts. I just have no words, and I apologize. But I do think of you guys, you’re all great.}
Don’t mind me, just a late night sob fest. I just complain a lot, so if you want to listen to that then grab some popcorn and get comfy. If not, put in some headphones and tune me out (highly suggested).
So, with thanksgiving coming up tomorrow, I’ve been trying to think of things that I’m thankful for so I have a quick reaction when someone asks me.. Really all I’ve come up with are […]
Im lost. Feel like life just flipped upside down and idk what is going on or which way is the way outta here. I don’t know if it matters.
More materials have also mysteriously disappeared in the last week. I don’t know where they’re going or if it’s nice and sunny there, but it’s getting increasingly difficult to finish this project. Still have lots of paper. Maybe there’s a way to make walls out of that.
It’s been over 3 weeks since I last hurt myself. Last night, I felt so shitty all I wanted to do was pick up my scalpel blades and slash away at my thighs. I thought I should read a few stories about other people who self-harm. I really want to stop, but I just can’t.
I sat in my bed with the blade in my hand. The stories I had read started playing out in my head. I felt the shit I think I’m in is nothing compared to what other people are going through. But I still wanted to cut.
Usually, cutting makes me […]
There’s no other way to say it. I’m just slipping. I’m slipping very fast into the void and I don’t know how to stop it. I can feel it happening. My emotions are starting to change. They’re growing. I can’t even explain it. I know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it. I want to cry. But I don’t do that. I’d rather just die. I’d rather die than go back to the way I used to be. I’d rather die than admit how I feel. I’d rather die than try and deal with this all over again […]
I’ve recently found the courage to talk to someone about me. But now I’ve lost contact with him. He made me feel better. Now I feel like crap all over again.
It’s hard to find someone who understands and doesn’t judge. I guess that’s why I’ve joined SP. I need someone who understands.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m back again in SP, well, of course. Never actually left. I’m in a strange mood in a bad way so I think this will be a ranting post of how undecided/unsure I am about some important things. Just going to number them, I like structure, haha.
I’m sure I should exit. This is the correct and logical decision for me. And I have some arguments that are pro and against which totally confuses me.
I can fail. Although my method is quite sure, there is always a chance. Most likely I will back out because survival instinct is a ..tch. Then it will be a huge […]
My mother just tried to force me to come out. And now I feel like shit.
I was talking to her about the possibility of me running the LGBTQ+ society at my college next year and she jumped down my throat, saying that I thought she was a terrible person, and that’s why I wouldn’t tell her. She says that I’m breaking the bond between us by keeping this from her and I’m deeply upsetting her by not talking about it.
You know what the most important part in all of that was?
HER
She didn’t care about what it was doing to me, being […]
In Spanish we have the word “apapachar” it can’t be translated properly to English but it’s something like “to caress the soul” it could be done thru a hug, or any other display of affection. That’s one of my favorite words and that’s why I need. Autumn and winter make me feel sadder than usual, but the sunsets make me feel so calmed. I just wanted to share this with you all. I don’t know why haha.
I can feel it starting again… I just crawled out of my depression and now I can feel myself going into hypercharge mode- does anyone know a workout that makes you really fucking tired?? I need something to get this, this thing out of me…
No one understands this feeling . It drives me fucking insane because I can’t explain it. I feel like I’ve been sucked into darkness and I can’t get out of it. I feel like I’m starting to feel nothing and that scares me . I’d rather feel everything .. I am so alone . I’m so alone in this big world . There are so many people do why can’t I find a few that I can be friends with? I literally do not fit in with anyone . No one understand me . Know one listens to the music like I do , or […]
well, its been 4 days since i posted. Friday evening made another attempt and ended up in hospital, now on suicide watch. i feel so fkn trapped now, everyone is watching my every fkn move. arghhhhhhhhh so fed up
OI keep trying to tell my self that I don’t feel this way but I do. I want to lull myself so badly . But I’m scared . I don’t like my life at all . Everything is so messed up. I wish to be asleep forever. I’m so depressed. I don’t like anything . I feel like nothing . I want to go .