It all begins with a scream, the scream of an innocent kid who was born in this life of sin .. that kid is me ” Ahmed Mansy”
and this is my story *well it’s not the whole story, i’m kinda bad in english so it’s a summary* , the story of my suicidal trip who was filled with good and bad days.
I grew up in my grandpa house because my parents got divorced when i was like 7 or 8 years i didn’t care or i didn’t know what’s happening i was just a little kid and everything was just too pure and lovely […]
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feel
So I wrote a post, actually my first post on this site entitled “Wasted Life”. It was pretty much about the story of me and my ex-girlfriend and the effect its had on my life for the last twenty years. It was a story that I felt I needed to share with somebody…anybody to show the extent that one person can have on your life when you focus all your love on them and no one else. I received some good comments from others on there when I posted it, and today I received a few other comments, which surprised me since I didn’t think […]
Anger. I feel I feel. My brother makes me feel. I hate it. I want to shred my skin off. It doesn’t help its only temporary, you have to keep on cutting. Over and over until the anger, pain, and sadness goes away and you become your shell again. Go go keep on cutting shredding tearing. Until you are nothing.Until you feel nothing. Focus on the pain. Focus. The pain the pain…and nothing exists once again. Scream so loud the ears bleed. Scream and scream until nothing remains. Nothing is left but the empty shell. Nothing
One person can make a difference. One person can make you laugh, make you feel accepted, make you feel loved…but I just hate they are so hard to find, and once you do find them it almost hurts to trust them, to hand over your heart and put it in their hands because what if they drop it? then how are you ever supposed to know that you can trust again
I know a lot of people can feel depressed and don’t necessarily want to deface their body as an escape mechanism. Try writing. That’s what I got into and it helped me so much. I know some people here are a fan of lyrics an relating to them. I have an Instagram account (for now) where I post my stuff. Ill leave one here for you guys to check out for now and if you like it feel free to check out my Instagram 🙂 it’s @_brevity.
Also guys, if you ever just want to chat, go right ahead and message me or email or comment […]
I honestly believed I would never feel suicidal again or cut mysef, but lo and behold both started again today. Its been two years since I cut and 3 since my last suicide attempt. Also I was positive I would never feel like this because of a chick, but as im sure you can guess, that is the reason. It might be because I had to talk her down from suicide 3 nights ago. She just got “raped”, maybe(pathological liar), and i was the only one she wanted to talk to, I spent two nites with her just holding her. But we hadnt even seen […]
ok i would first like to say that this site blew me away and i was so impressed that so many people were able to come together and relate through some of the hardest things in their life.
so, whats going on in my life…let me start from the beginning and by saying THANK YOU to anyone who actually reads this whole thing haha. in all seriousness– my father is an alcoholic and is bipolar, i honestly hate labels because i feel like theyre a false representation of a person. yes he is an alcoholic, but when hes sober, hes great. when i was 9 yrs […]
Hello, i just really want to tell someone about this, i really do want to kill myself, everyday i feel anxious, depressed, worried, and most recently angry, i was always fine with the idea of suicide, but recently, i screwed things up, i have a great family, i am dating someone, but, i just cant seem to tell anyone about this, i doubt any of them will understand, i am going through a rough point in my life, and i know i can get through it, but i just simply dont want to, i am always afraid my girl will leave me, i dont tell […]
how do you feel knowing you’re the reason somebody can’t sleep at night
how do you feel that you ruined a little girls life
you probably wouldn’t recognize me
but you grabbed at me with your filthy hands
and I’ll never be clean again
i can’t live with it
Two month going strong. To months I had enough strengt in me that i could actually feel, but it was slowly deteriorating with every little thing that happened it took a little bit of stength away till i finally hit my breaking point. The point where all the pain caused me to go numb. I needed to feel something. Love wasnt gonna happen happiness was a long way away sadness has been around to much and decided to go on vacation. Even my good friend fear wasn’t around. My best bet was pain. As i sit in a room only dimly lit only by the […]
Let me ask you a question. Do we like being miserable? I am writing a post on a suicide website. How does that strike the average individual? Obviously there is no such thing as an average individual. Members of this simulacrum of grief, of this meeting place of agony, come from very diverse and varied backgrounds. Some may get help and move on. I’m willing to bet a small percent have actually killed themselves. But why does any of this matter? Well nothing matters. You have seen a person on their last day. What does a person on their last day look like? Usually unremarkable. […]
i am a type 1 diabetic who has scoliosis of the spine. I am actually allergic to insulin and it is extremely painful to take also i have my back condition which causes me severe pain. I am 16 years old but i have suicidal thoughts everyday i have attempted to commit suicide numerous times but stopped at the last minute the only thing that stops me is the pain i feel in that moment. I self harm alot as it stops the thoughts for just a second, i break my bones now.I used to abuse my diabetes as its the easiest way to cause […]
Feeling more hopeful now that I have a community where I can write anonymously, and where I can help others. I don’t feel as alone anymore. I don’t think I’ll feel like a burden to others here, either.
There are people wanting to pull the trigger just like me, but I feel better now. I feel like I have a purpose now, and reading and relating to others has been surprisingly helpful. A few kind words. Thank you. I’m alive tonight. I started out doing research on the quickest, most painless ways to die, and ironically when I was ready to go, I find y’all. […]
Do you ever feel that the nicer you are, the shittier your life will be, and that the crueler people who have no problem walking over others succeed easier?
I’ve always hated the phrase, “It’s just business.”
No it’s not, you asshole. You’re taking the humanity out of the company and possibly ruining peoples’ lives.
Do you trust when you shouldn’t? I mean, are you naturally trusting, and do you never learn? Is that a flaw in a personality?
Everyday i contemplate why i dont just get the hell outta here. yes i’d be happy off dead. but i wanna see the look on every single one of these people who claim that they “love” me or that they “care” about me. I wanna see the pain that comes over them knowing that every single thing they ever did to me is why i killed myself. I wanna leave so that you can feel the pain you bring to me every second of everyday in this god forsaken world.
Sitting in the dark. Looking up suicide on Google. It brought me to this site…
I read the pain of your words, and relate. My heart hurts with you, and hurts like you. I see your pain. I see the desperation. I see I’m not alone.
You feel it too… That bottle of pills singing it’s Siren song, that sharp blade flashing like a knight in shining armor, that seductive rope calling your name to lovingly squeeze you into darkness. They seduce me into a trance of thinking if only I could do it.
I am so desperate to not hurt any longer. I try. I really do. I look online for things like […]
Everyday i wake up and think why am i still here? I don’t want this life. I don’t even know why i feel this way. I just don’t wanna continue on anymore. People say life is too short, but i think its too long. I’ve tried many times to kill myself self harm, drugs, overdosing on alcohol, attempted to jump out of my bedroom window, but nothing has killed me, i think im too scared to kill myself. Everytime i try i think about how much trouble im going to be causing everyone around me the devastation ill leave behind. I like my parents enough […]
i have been on pils for over a year but i only feel more energy the pils were for taking care of my depresion but now i dont know i have a hatetrid so big but will to hold it down but i dont know were to put over 12 years of hate suffer pain so now i walk arond my doctor say im fine now but i feel emty not a box with a big hole more but just emty and burning i try to hold it away by hanging out with frends but it cant help for ever i feel like im in […]
There are times in my life where I don’t feel like the girl I normally am. Normally I feel strong, happy and just filled with life. Other times I feel like I am not even real. I feel as though I’m lost, scared and worthless. I have these times at least two or three times a year. I keep everything that upsets me in a box in the back of my mind and never tell anyone. I always feel as though I’m not allowed to share my sad thoughts with others because I shouldn’t have them and people would tell me to stop complaining because […]
So im a little afraid of dying which ive told myself is normal so im okay with that.What i cant figure out is why unlike other times i dont feel sad but i do feel suicidal.It bugs me cause i dont feel much of anything when it comes to emotions other than that fear of not knowing whats after this.Im still going through with it but it would be easier if i was feeling some depression along with it or some anger.Maybe i am empty inside i just dont know.My sisters leaving and i may hurt others if i dont stop my life.Im doing it […]