I’m not really sure why I’m here really? I don’t feel like sharing my problems will help anymore. I’m passed trying to be positive. Trying to be helpful and trying to do for everyone else. It sickens me to even be on here typing all this. I’m tired. Real tired. I just don’t know where else to turn.
Sorry I took up your time.
Hey everybody how your morning so far .?
So I was sitting in cab going to a mall and I was playing spot the murder, rapist or pedo with myself. When I seen two kids running across the street laughing and man in his late 20s early 30s was just starring at them . At first I was like he’s a rapy pedo 12 points. But then when we drove past him and I got a good look at his face. There was Agony and sadness in his eyes. He was wishing to be young happy and laughing and not living the life he has . it […]
I think one of the few good things (if not the best) that have happened to me since I got to highschool was meeting my current best friend. She really changed my life. I’ve become somewhat of a more “open” person in some aspects. She somehow makes me feel grateful for what I have in my life. Sadly, today is not one of those days. There’s still an issue that’s been going in and off of my mind for the past year or so.
I feel like I shouldn’t be her best friend. I feel like we shouldn’t be best friends. I feel that, even though […]
Im san fran but im still so sad so nervous so not ok I still feel lost .
a girl that has been staying with my in -laws says she has made no money in tahoe and she is in depression from the town and is fearfull her marriage will end becuse she is so unhappy .
she said she understood Why I went home and why I left and why Never wanted to go. Wich made me feel better she made me feel less crazy. But I felt horrbile she was going the my hell she took my backlash. I was so sorry, Im scared now […]
I just called my insurance company… but I had a strange connection with the operator that answered. He made me feel a million times better. We were laughing and joking for like 10 minutes and he was actually a bit unprofessional and he kept saying how unprofessional he was being. It was cute. It was nice. Is it weird that I almost wanted to tell him to call me? Is it desperate? Have I reached that point where I’m desperate? lol. I’m not going to be modest, it’s not as if I can’t find a man if I want it, but it’s hard to find someone with my […]
This is Ylem the Masochist speaking. And no… Not in a sexual way…
I want to strangle myself until I’m blue. Deprive myself of oxygen. That is just the beginning.
I need a whip. Scourge myself to the brink of dead. See flesh peeling off and blood pouring. Beat myself up like a fucking animal that I am.
I want to cut open my veins and watch the blood pour out. Feel dizzy and drained from all the blood loss.
I’m not done.
Bang myself against the wall until I have a concussion and collapse.
To top it all of. Plunge a knife in my gut and hold my intestines in […]
Holy fuck, where to start.
Today was weird. I just kind of went with it. I didn’t imagine that anything like today would happen ever again. You’re so much different than the last time. Each time I see you, you change a little bi more. You’re, different.
I can feel the positivity burst from you. Holy shit, overwhelming. We barely spoke but It wasn’t needed. We caught up with each other today. I hope that I don’t affect anything for you again. But I can’t promise something that I don’t know if I can keep.
You look a lot better than before, healthier. You present yourself totally different. […]
I hadn’t intended to write something funny, but I felt so pathetic I felt ridiculous… and I had to laugh at myself.
Chain of events, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. So my doctor…never mind. Just know that I was so frustrated I started getting dizzy at work and had to hold back tears but that was really okay since I was just about to leave the office, and my friend suggested a psychiatrist. I was so RAARRRR I said it’d probably be the same… and he told me it wouldn’t. So I listened to music on the ~1h drive back […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve commented or posted on here. Before I found SP I felt worthless, purposeless and like a failure. I’ve failed at everything I’ve attempted in my life, but when it came to being there for you guys I felt like I meant something. Like I could actually help people like me. However, when those thoughts start to whirl around in my mind every negative, demonic energy creeps up and tells me why I’ll never be worth it and while I’ll never make a difference. I’ve always felt as if I was in search of something, something fulfilling. I’m not […]
I’ve concluded that it will be my fav knife that I will use to end it. With a quick, maybe angry, jab in the neck I’ll get to watch all my red flow out like a river and feel the pleasant sting as that freeing embrace of death comes ever closer. I will enjoy thoses last moments more so than any in the past.
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I dont really feel..at least not the way I would expect myself to, especially after breaking up with my best friend. I feel calm like something bad is about to happen…and when I do feel its super annoying, cuz ill be happy with tons of energy and super outgoing, and then the next day i’ll be tired and sad and extremely antisocial…on repeat.
Make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel something other than this dread right now before I start to tear myself apart from the inside out. I’m begging please on my knees. I’m not in a safe place with my head. That part of me is starting to cover me like a cloak. Soon there will be nothing left again. I’m not ok. I keep on spiraling. All these memories of happiness flooded my brain and all at once turned depressive and negative. I’m eating myself alive.
i’m really really really really mad rn
i hate those kids who condemn others for wanting to die
saying they’re too weak and that they are ungrateful with life and with their parents yada yada yada
well you know what, kids, if you feel you’re helping, YOU’RE NOT.
you’re just making them feel more worthless and make them want to die even more. good job. why aren’t you dead instead.
i’m sorry i’m just too mad at everyone right now
I feel so ill I dont know why mayb I’m dying on the outside to went to bed at 530 the clocks went forward which sucked so lost time and sleep feel the the living dead is this how zombies feel numb and dragging their feet
So maybe I am a loser. Maybe I am a fat disgusting thing. You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t planned for the best course of action? You think that I haven’t realized that all the “breaks” I get are just illusions or plain dumb luck?
I know what’s in store for me, so don’t feel like you have to remind me. I’m on my way. Just wait. I’ll be there eventually.
Even when people are around me, I feel alone. I am never satisfied. I just feel so utterly alone and the one person that made me not feel alone doesn’t want me anymore. I want to die a million times.
My nerves my sadness is getting to me today feel like I can’t breathe and this old lady is getting very last on top of that I have to peel pounds of potatoes in and make 60 pounds of potato salad. And do it all with a smile joke and pretend I don’t feel like shit.
Tired of lying to everybody I’m tired of not talking to my family because I’m not telling them leaving Tahoe they’re going to have a heart attack. I just want to go home.
I don’t know how to go on anymore. I don’t know who I am without the context of someone else. When I’m alone, I hate myself. I don’t want to live feeling this way. I don’t want to be an angry person and I don’t want to hurt other people. It’s the reason why I want to die and the reason why I live. I hate the contradiction. I’m constantly hoping, dreaming that the choice will be taken out of my hands (e.g. hit by a semi, shot in a drive-by, mugged and killed in the street, etc.) because I don’t know what to do.
I’m […]
I’m going through some of my old things from childhood, as part of a clearout, and I’m finding it hard to get rid of them. They’re my link to a time when I wasn’t like this. When I felt really alive, as opposed to just living.
I’m not sure what exactly it is. I suppose they remind me of when I was last happy. When the world seemed both fascinating and simple, rather than threatening and complex. Every tiny thing felt meaningful, as opposed to now, when everything I do is kind of empty. My life felt worthwhile. The world was a good place to be, […]
I do love psychopath they emotionless they feel no emotion but they learn how to mimic theym which is awesome did u know they cry one eye at a time not both cry I read don’t no if it’s true but still being able to cry with no feelings or reason not really feeling up set sounds good right
and I love their eyes u can tell a psychopath by their eyes it’s called the reptilian gaze they look into your soul
like a animal about to kill that killer instinct the eye
antony Hopkins plays a great psychopath hannible
you ever seen blood in the moon light it […]