When you’re just sitting enjoying yourself then suddenly stop and pause then your whole mood changes and it’s kinda hard to breathe and it feels like your insides are crying…
I’m so fuckin sick of people telling me I havent fucking tried. So fuckin sick of people saying I don’t put my “all” into it! So fucking INCREDIBLY sick of hearing, “you have to want it.” Oh, let me get this straight. You actually think I like to live every fucking moment in misery and agony? You actually think that I love to walk the streets and feel like I fucking disgust every person and that I’m a disgrace in their eyes? I mean as if it matters right? No, they don’t fucking matter but do you know how it feels to be paranoid into […]
I’m 20 and in my second year of varsity. I have a history of cutting myself and have tried to kill myself a few times, putting myself in hospital once. After a lot of effort and the help of my boyfriend I was able to move past it and break the habit. But now he and I are having a really rough patch. We have nothing in common. He’s Mr Logic while I’m immensely emotional. He doesn’t make me feel wanted or special. It feels like he looks down on me a lot. I’m not even sure if I still love him any more. My […]
Everyone lies. People upon people pass us by, fake smiles plastered upon their lips, a reassertion of their so-called happiness as they walk down the rain-spattered streets. Lying is as natural in humans as it is to breathe.
So why am I constantly paralyzed by my secrets? Why am I haunted by the constant weight of the extent of my depression. There is not a single night that passes that I could not feel the cold claws of guilt eat me up. The air turns to fire in my lungs, suffocating me, burning out the life from right inside. The hands that hold me near and […]
Hey guys and gals , I know its been a while since I last posted on here and my life it feels like has been going on a downhill slope and no where fast…
I’m not sure if I mentioned this on my last post but me and my (now ex) bf back in February unexpectedly split right before Valentine’s day. No reason at all just happened through text out of the blue after him not responding to any of my fb messages for two weeks and then saying were better off as best friends. Bull Fuckin Shit! Maybe I saw it coming for a longer […]
I find it so difficult to exist, to be.
Am I the only one that feels existence is horrible? That to exist is too much. That the possibility of being trapped in eternity existing is so overwhelming that I can’t breath.
I can’t run away from existence, I am even petrified that when I kill myself I will still be trapped in existence. One is so powerless and out of control. Just trapped for all eternity if eternity exists. Unable to get away from being. Unable to not be. I wish it could all stop. I can stop. Just an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Just stop
I wonder if I’ll make it. I barely survive. I do not know what to do or who I truly am. I feel at the core of me jealousy for those who survive but also I need them to survive. I think they deserve everything they have and need, wish I could give them more.
This all feels meaningless when we think about the corners of our heart that keep wearing down, rounded by time, as rocks by the sea, to slide more seamlessly as the tides overwhelm.
I do not know that the love I have is enough to keep me here. I struggle and […]
People I talk to have said tears before God are prayers that God hears and reaches his heart. If that is true then he feels nothing for me. I’m so sick of being a good Christian girl who is forgotten by God. Seems if when he was making all his children I was just the remaining dust on the floor that he swept and threw away.
They said that when I got sober things would get better , that as long as I did the next right thing God will help me. He won’t though. They say that I’m selfish by thinking of suicide and that […]
I’m sick of living in a world where it feels like it doesn’t even matter if i’m here.
No one would miss me, no one would fucking care.
I’m invisible. Why can’t anyone see how sad i am.
Why doesn’t anyone care enough to look past my pitiful smile.
Because no one fucking cares.
I just want to run away to a place where no one knows me. Then i can be alone without feeling that no one loves me.
It’s like i’m living a world where I’ve already been forgotten.
I’m tired of feeling invisible.
I’m tired of feeling like a ghost.
You know, depression is one frustrating thing. After you’ve been so good for such a long time you start to think you’ve beaten it and that’s that.
Like a cold that had finally decided it was time to leave.
But when you finally let your guard down and try to forget about all those depressed time, it decides to come back and feed on your positive life force.
Can I just have the cold instead please? Haha
I just don’t understand why it has to hide in my shadow, acting like molasses and weighing me down when I try to move forward. “Oh, hey there depression. […]
Yeah. Okay. I have a thing for roses.
Dear ex who’s name I will not reveal. Lets call him Jeff.
Dear Jeff,
Does love mean practically stalking someone and trying to guilt them into being with you? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I attract some Really clingy men and I’m just not an overly affectionate person. I don’t want to stand in the middle of a store and do things that make people question how long […]
you see? I don’t even know what to title this because I don’t even know how I feel. Actually I do; I’m worthless, useless like my brother says. I’m a freshman in college. I only got to finish fall & winter term because just today I got told I got dropped out of college. I’ve been distracted because my ex boyfriend left me without a reason. Yea it’s stupid to be sad over a boy but it’s something I can’t control. I gave this guy something I always treasured. He told me he loved me & he showed me he did. I am so confused […]
I’m usually more eloquent than shouting obscenities at the world, but fuck, no words can articulate the depth of the frustration and hopelessness I feel, swear words can only emphasize their significance. FUCK!!! I’ve suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder since I was 13 and it’s fucking killing me, it has ruined everything good in my life, my academic opportunities, my social relationships, the prospect of a romantic relationship, the chance of me achieving higher success in life, it’s all gone to shit because I fucking hate myself. Say the same things as everyone else says to me, I don’t fucking care I’ve heard it all […]
What to do about a depressed 10 year old? Family’s in chaos, inconsistency. Divorce pending, mom in hospital, dad drifting away to girlfriend. This 10 year old has random meltdowns where he can’t stop crying and eventually storms off. No one can approach him. Sometimes he refuses to talk to anyone. He’s all right at school, I think, but home is miserable. It’s snowing right now and he doesn’t have any distractions.
I’m worried because I see some streaks in him similar to myself. He feels misused, shut-up, abandoned, unloved, etc.
I don’t know what to do. With my dad working nights we’re at home alone a lot, […]
You know that feeling you get, when the air feels so thick it’s hard to breath?
When if feels like what’s going on is just a dream?
A nightmare?
When you don’t feel like living or leaving your room?
When society is the enemy?
How about when you feel like crying for hours upon hours; but you can’t cause tears won’t form?
When you feel dead, like a walking corps?
When you feel that SUICIDE is the only way to fix it; but you are scared of death?
No?
How about when you feel like the world has betray you?
When you feel everyone hates you?
Like your alone?
When you are desperate for someone, anyone to […]
yesterday when i was done and tried to kill myself, i found out something new about myself :i’m so coward . i was REALLY angry of being alive but i couldn’t kill myself i couldn’t cut my wrist with blade. i tried but it was painful so i just ended up crying like a little child and now i have another reason to hate myself. i always thought that i can kill myself if i really want to but i was absolutely wrong.
my sister told me that she loves me and begged me not to kill myself. i remember once she cried so hard on […]
It takes awhile to get to know someone. In my previous 3 posts I have mentioned how I would like to die from autoerotic asphyxia. What I haven’t gotten into much is my personality exists of extreme fight and flight. There are a lot of times I feel intense hatred and rage towards the world and humanity in general. What I can’t really stand are people who have tried to shove conformity down my fucking throat! People just couldn’t mind their own fucking business, so they had to terrorize me and treat me like shit for being different! Is that going to make me embrace […]
Okay so I got on my soapbox about loneliness and how shitty the world is. Been doing this for a long time so it feels like home. I received several comments about getting out and so I did. I went to a local coffee shop, grabbed a chai and sat in the corner observing the world. Did this help – well not really because everyone was oblivious to my presence and once again I disappeared into the wall. I made one feable attempt to communicate but I ran out of energy and dropped to the floor. When I got back up it seemed like I […]
My ex boyfriend and I broke up 9 months ago, it feels like it happened just last week. How easily he could move on, just left me there waiting for him. He wasn’t man enough to tell me he had found someone else, instead he led me on thinking that we were still on a “break”… Having to find the truth out myself was so heart wrenching, would not ever comprehend why he could not be upfront about it. Months and months pass and he will come back looking for a friendship not knowing i was still in love with him, having to see him […]
This is a pretty self-indulgent post, sorry. You people are hurting, and deserve something other than a selfish teen’s rant. Please stop reading if it’s wasting your time. It just helps to scream, sometimes. This really belongs in a journal, rather than a forum. Here goes.
I’m hurting others right now. My mother’s saddened, my grandmother’s angry, my aunt has lost respect for me. I’m dressing a certain way and it’s hurting them. My mom’s fighting an eating disorder and my guy clothes are bothering her – hell, I’m her only daughter, so that’s one more thing drifting away from her.
My grandma sat me down and […]