I am currently 16 and i have strughled with depression, suicidal thought since i8th grade. from the time i was 6 yrs old i was treaded like crap by my strp dad and me being the oldest dint help any. i was starting to strugle when i turned 11 i moved i always hped things would get better but i started getting bullied at school. after 6th grade i moved again and got transfered to a new school things were better for a while but then everyone started making fun of me, i ignored them for awhile but then i couldnt do it anymore and […]
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Few Days
Oh well, life has been… well, life has been life lately. I am posting here because I feel the need to after some crazy weeks. Still trouble with education and law, basically everyone is endlessly procrastinating. I couldn’t care less. I have been taking insane amounts of benzos for a few days until I ran out. Life is quite a lot more bearable when you are unconscious, surprisingly. Alcohol helps too, the combination is good too. Until you run out and you have to withdraw. I had been taking the benzos on prescription as a sleep aid on-and-off for a few years, so withdrawing from […]
Just a poem I’ve written a few days ago. I’ve written it because I can’t trust anyone and nobody understands it because it’s almost normal for those people, so I had to write it down in a poem to express my feelings.
~ Trust is something that everyone needs,
but how can you trust people when they’ve harmed the trust you’ve had in people so many times?
How can you trust people when you even can’t trust yourself?
How can you trust people when you are constantly afraid they will leave you?
How can you have trust in people when you realize it’s unpossible to […]
It’s so pointless me being here, it really is. I really am a freak and a burden to everyone. Seriously, I used to be the target and now I find a target. I’m just so freaking twisted! 6years ago I turned violent and odd, not only do I lash out randomly and harshly ( I regret it instantly after) I use harsh words against people too. I don’t get it?! Surely after being the target of all these things I would help prevent it from happening and not cause it! My thoughts arnt normal ( and there is no way that I am waiting it […]
I always tried to forget my past, but the last few days I constantly see a image/video in my head. It shows me one of the days I was physically bullied and it was really horrible. I wish that I wouldn’t have to remember it, but that picture sticks in my head. It really scares me, and also hurts me. Like someone’s stucking a knife in my belly and in my heart. I can’t tell it anyone, because it’s too difficult for me to talk about it, so I’m glad I can share it here. I really don’t know what to do to get it […]
this is my first time ever talking about my suicidal feelings. i guess I should let you know about me. I’m 18 and I’ve been trying to kill myself since I was ten not sure what made me want to start but i’ve been trying ever since. Sometimes I’ll be “fine” for weeks and then i drop back to wanting to die or cut which can last for a few days or sometimes months. In total I’ve tried 12 times one was about 3 hours ago and shortly after started puking, my mom walked in the bathroom and asked if I was ok and i told […]
Is there a method that will just look like a suicide attempt but I will wake up few days later in a hospital,after a few days of peaceful sleep?Sometimes I just think that failed suicide attempt is the only thing that will show me whether certain people still care about me…and if I would find out they do,maybe I would no longer want to kill my self and the terror would stop
For the past few days I thought my life was going to get better. All these wonderful things people tell me here are kind of smothered by the fact my home life has only gotten worse.
My family found these posts and are going to be sending me to a mental facility that is known for its patient abuse and I have no say -as I’ve been deemed unfit to live alone or make my own life choices thanks to my father. It’s all spiraling out of control and there’s no way to save myself. It’s all over and I’m too tired and beaten up to […]
I’m new here, but I’ve been following this site for a few months now. I tried committing suicide almost a year ago. I was hospitalized for about 3 days before going into a psychiatric hospital for a week. It scared the hell out of me. I promised myself I never wanted to end up there again. The only people that know about this are my parents and my sister I was too ashamed to tell my best friend or any other family members. I did actually tell one friend from online but she completely laughed at me. Told me I was such a wuss  trying to commit […]
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
It’s fine
I’m fine.
everything is fucking perfect.
no.
wait.
that’s a lie.
it isn’t.
and it won’t be.
“comon you idiot, smile. fake it! fake it!”
shut up coscience.
Look, pick your damn head up.
look in his eyes.
comon!
look!
jackie!
“I can’t…”
“he’s crying.”
“i’m dead…finally.”
he’s crying.
no, he’s laughing.
they all are.
they all are happy.
she’s dead, she’s dead, out her ankle she bled yay yay she’s dead.
they chant.
fucking cunts.
how am I seeing this.
my death.
holy fuck am I dead.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
shut up.
no.
I’m fine…
It’s okay…
so when I was 9 I started getting bullied really badly I eventually only had two friends and that was that, all I had on my schedule was crying, being bullied, and crying. then when I was 10 i thought things were getting better but they just4 got worse, my grandma started dying and I loved her dearly. and i missed a few days of school cause i was at the hospital with her. people started to leave me alone a bit and I even started to get more friends. but that didn’t last long. in 5th grade this girl came to my school […]
Has anyone ever thought about the next few days of their lives, and just dreaded them so badly? Literally losing sleep stressing over what could just be a normal day?? It’s been happening to me a lot lately, and it’s made me cut (a lot) & even made me consider suicide…. Every time though, the days I’m dreading turn out fine, some times there even good days. If I had killed myself, it could be over something that wouldn’t even be real.. Is this anxiety? Dreading each day this severely that you stay up all night so it seems further away? Someone’s gotta know.
I’ve been visiting this site for the past few days, and have been wondering why. Why am I here? Why am I reading other peoples’ stories? Do I want to post my story? Do I get some sort of kink out of the misery of others? Do I enjoy other peoples’ pain? Do I hope that I might be able to sympathize or empathize with them? Why? The reason I post this now is because I think I now know.
Is there anyone out there like me?
I’ve been wanting to die for six years now and have attempted suicide seventeen times, but that’s not want I […]
“your a peice of shit”
Y’know what, you can stop now, i get the point, i’m a stupid worthless waste of space. SO STOP.i’m not letting some low life people who think it’s ok to tell me these things ruin my future. so fuck you.
**now that i have that out of the way.**
I want to say that a few days ago I was letting go. i was litterally at the top of the building when out of nowhere I just fall down, I just black out. Turns out I have cancer. The hospital says they can remove it. but i’d have to go […]
I’m going to write this out here, not because you are likely to ever see this (almost certainly you’ll never see this). I know you stumble around these sites (not necessarily this one). Instead, I’m writing this because this is all a little cathartic for me. It’s kind of my own therapy for coping, to stumble around these sites.
In the few years that we have known each other, you have become my best friend, and I have become yours. You know this because we walked and talked a few days ago, watched the sunset in the park and refound each other. At least I refound […]
I want to cut again. But I’m trying really hard not to. I’m going away tomorrow with a few friends and if I make more cuts it wouldn’t go unnoticable – I don’t even know if it will go now.
It’s getting harder. I pretend it is not. But it really is.
It’s been over a week that I’ve heard from my bestfriend/(ex)lover, so I guess that means it really is over. I kinda don’t care about losing the lover part, but I do care about losing my bestfriend. But I guess he didn’t care after all. I dreamt about him last night. In my dream I […]
Hi, I know I seem a little too young, and how it’s “just a phase” but please listen! I am 11. I have a mood disorder, and I am fighting depression. I am, of course, too young to date, but I also like this guy. Harrison. His nickname is Lake, so I’ll use that. We became friends a few days ago. I like him, and he knows, but every time I ask him out, he says no, and then asks out a different girl. Although, strangley enough, it doesn’t effect our friendship. ; -;. On top of this I see 2 counselers every week. 1, […]
So, I feel better every time I get on here, but I still feel terrible nonetheless. I’ve never been called fat or ugly or stupid in my life until I started hanging out with Emily. She puts me down constantly. I can’t stand it. I’ve told her to leave me alone, but she won’t listen. I do have some friends, but I don’t trust them. Not with everything. I can’t trust anyone anymore. And no, I’m not doing this because so many guys have been mean to me; I’m doing this because so many people in general have given me reason not to trust them. […]
Face it, friends want something. Whether it’s companionship, belonging, someone to talk to, someone to drive them home when they’re piss drunk, someone to borrow money from, someone to move furniture for free, or whatever, they want something. A successful friendship is based on a fair balance of giving & receiving these things. But some of us don’t want and don’t need any of those things. As a result we end up giving everything and receiving nothing. Friends serve no logical purpose. Oh but try going through life without friends and society labels you a freakshow, a misanthrope, a socially maladjusted head case. So every […]