im sorry everyone for posting so much. i am trying to get help for my health issues. just know that i have my reasons. keep fighting the good fight.
Ive made mental lists physical lists of pros and cons. Ive tried to envision how my choice impacts all others. Will it be better or worse for them? Will i truly be better off? I know im tired of hurting and fighting and some people in my estimation will be better off. That’s one of the hard parts of struggling with suicidal thoughts. Unlike other big decisions you cant honestly consult close friends or experts and get good useful feedback like you can with other big decisions. I know i want to stop hurting and i dont want others to hurt either by my continued […]
I guess it all started when I was sixteen; funny thinking how long ago it seems even though I’m only 20 now, Or maybe before. I was never happy as a kid, dad never around, mom always at work, an abusive grandfather. It was when I was sixteen that I decided to do something about it. I ran away. I ran away from Arizona and took the greyhound to long beach. I don’t know what my actual plan was once I got there but regardless everything went wrong. I ended up having to get surgery to save my life and spent almost the whole month […]
Lyrics:
Gathered like sheep
Mindless like these walls
You’re expected to fit the mold
and kill with a blindfold
Devastated cultures
Justified by “protection”
This is how you win your elections
By occupying
These damaged homes
Generalized
To be a threat
To our privileged lives
Explain to me
The meaning of genocide
Cause in my eyes
That’s what I’m seeing
“So line em up
One by one
And some have fun
Killing everyone”
Who elected these right wing nuts?
With a bloodlust for every country that’s not like us.
(I tried hard to be proud of my service, but all I could feel was shame.
Racism could […]
Were that I could curl against
that tipping point
an’ place my breast
my sternum rent against its edge
press down where guilty muscle’s spent
and worn from fighting blackened webs
That wrap around, the charred scent sweet,
my heartbeat wearing, growing […]
Its sad to think about, but so many of us are alone.
And we can not expect help to fall at our feet.
But from what I’ve learnt, only you, can save yourself.
How are you? Are you okay? Are you safe? Are you questioning yourself? Questioning your sanity? Deciding if you really wanna live on this shitty ass planet?
Well welcome to the party.
A party where lonely souls are never fully understood but voices are always heard.
You’re in pain? Can’t take it anymore? So sick of your life?
I understand. She understands. He understands. We’ve all been there. He’s there now. She fighting […]
Don’t know where my life is heading me. Don’t evn know how to live. Every thought, each feeling, every emotion is now jumbled up. M into deep darkness…. want to come out of it. Trying…. but not able to. Somebody plsss advice how can i overcome this suicidal feeling. long back i attempted it twice. Aft that gradually everything become settled. But again with his ignorance towards me & getting closer to another lady pulled me back to 7-8 years ago. Same problem is arising again. I cnt evn trust myself now. Hv loose all my hope n wish for death every moment. Each second […]
Here’s a piece of advice for anyone who needs it. Enjoy life. Even when all feels hopeless, enjoy life. Happiness, we chase a dream but it doesn’t exist. There is no pure happiness, we have to settle for 50/50. Peace of mind.
Life is what you make it? Partly true. Life can give you stones instead of lemons sometimes. It takes courage to face these problems. Believe in yourself and love yourself no matter what. Because there is always someone else in your shoes. Don’t let a bad past or things that have happened to you follow you through your life. No it’s not easy, life […]
I’m depressed. Wouldn’t be here writing this if I wasn’t. I come looking for answers knowing that there really are none. I don’t even know where to start. Things have gotten so messed up. Situations change but in reality we are stuck. We can try to change who we are inside, we can try and mask our pain but in the end it is still there. Honestly I’m just typing this as I go with no plan in mind. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Being different sucks. People don’t seem to understand me and because I’m different people want to protect me. […]
Bring me a poison;
I would like to swallow
The choked feeling
In my throat
Bring me a noose;
I am tired of standing up
It will help to keep me upright
Even when I finally stop fighting
Bring me a blade;
I want to bleed out
All the pain and suffering
That resided in my being
Bring me sleeping pills;
To grant my greatest wish,
My greatest desire
To never wake up to another day
Bring me a gun;
Easy and swift,
I will put it against my head
May it blast my painful memories away
Bring me a disease;
May it slowly kill me.
Slowly, like walking in […]
So yeah, my title about says it. Here’s a little about me. I’m a 21 year old male that’s completely lost my drive. I have no hope. I have nobody. The two surrogate parents I had died within two days of each other. I have around 40% mobility and strength in my hands due to sindactilysm (look it up), so I’ve been laid off from every job I’ve landed due to being so damned slow compared to other employees. It’s not bad enough for disability. I lost my home already and I live in a parking lot trailer, temporary courtesy of a church that took […]
I’ve felt my best when I’ve been in school! Seeing good grades and feeling that’s I’ve actually accomplished something. But lately the fighting with the husband and lack of money leaves me wishing to never wake up again. I hate feeling like this but I can’t even do homework right now. I want to walk away and never come back just hope I become a missing person. So I will drop my classes like usual and sit and cry for God to please rescue me from this life.
Well when I was little I had the best life I didn’t care what people thought, loved my life, loved my family, friends, oh man I had lots of friends. And I loved it I tried my best to be nice. Well on May 28th 2011 EVERYTHING changed for me and my dad. My mom past away and I miss her so much to this day. Shortly after that school got bad I started getting bullied I lost all my friends so I shut myself in my room 24/7 never talked and thought to myself what did I do? now I have bad anxiety/social problems. […]
I just had a massive fight with my family. Its my finals week and last terms finals week my dad asked me if I could stay at someone else’s house. This time I asked my dad “is your offer still valid” and he said yes. I was packing and my mother came and started screaming. She said i humiliated her in every term of my life and told me to fuck off. We are always fighting and they are always saying bad words. Okay I accept that I am a pain in the ass when it comes to school but thats too much for me. […]
I haven’t been coming to this site for long, but I see a lot of people posting that they’re about to kill themselves. And then they never post anything ever again. What am I supposed to think? Did they go through with it? Or was it all just a bunch of bullshit? I’m not naïve and I realize this is the internet, but it helps me in my own struggles when I know that others are still out there fighting their demons. Does this bother anyone else or is it just me? We really are all fighting this shit together, just different circumstances.
p.s. worthless_loser73 if […]
I have a 2yr old and 4yr old and I never thought I would be in this place. However I’ve been sick too long now. I’m tired of doctors visits and fighting. 5 days that’s when it started the desire to just disappear. After all one moment of pain for my children can save them from a lifetime of watching their mother die. My husband building more debt and being my babysitter. All I’m becoming now is a pathetic meat sack anyway. So what’s the point. They will blame it on the tumurs in my head and my family will be free from me. There […]
Relized i dont have any friends and that no one cares about me. Religion always makes me question myself. I like a guy who will never like me back. Parents fighting constantly. Mother always dramatic. Dad always to childish. Cousin acts like hes all grown up. Everyone forgot my birthday even my parents until i told them. Might have cancer. Cutting myself. Tryed getting help but it didnt help in anyway . homophobic friend. Ughh… Why so many problems? Why isnt there a end?
-Brian
F uck you I’m not breaking,
I t doesn’t matter how much I’m aching,
G ritting my teeth to stop them shaking,
H elping hands always there remaking,
T he smiles and the laughing creating,
T he Fuck you I’m not breaking,
H ead to toe I may be quaking,
E ven then I won’t brake.
D epression will keep you awake,
A sking yourself “whatsa matter, is that all you can take?”
R ight so you shout “let’s see how far it can go” despite what’s at stake,
K nocked down, you whisper to yourself “get up, just get up” praying to the trinity,
N owhere […]
I’m slipping and i keep fighting but how many close calls can I make till I give in and it go past a close call? Where does it end?
Not sure how it started, but I lost control last night. I’ve been battling with depression for a long time, only attempted suicide once before. I guess after a lifetime of never feeling good enough, I had a moment of weakness and fell off the wagon. I drank over half a bottle of 100-proof vodka and then downed about 600mg ambien and 20 hydrocodone/acetomenophin (5/325mg) pills. On top of my normal dose of anti-depressants. I have to admit I felt pretty good for a while there, and then passed out somewhere along the way.
I woke up a few hours ago and have been puking almost […]