I had a plan. But things keep moving from bad to worse and worse and fucking horrible.
It was going to be wonderful. Poetic in a way. Peaceful. Painless. Less traumatizing for whoever will find me. But fuck that. Tonight, Im taking a rope to a tree I usually run off to when my parents are at each other’s throats. I always find peace there. Now it’ll be forever peaceful, finally.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Presuming, as I do, that my hopes for conventional happiness are completely fucked…….what now?
Suppose I’d live an average western lifespan – another 50 years or so. 2065. By then the world should be well on it’s way to collapse. Drought, famine, fire, flood, war, all that fun stuff. Seemingly our little pockets of prosperity will be last to fall. My corner of the world may hold out longest, sinking the boats of refugees fleeing continental chaos, while we continue to extract foreign resources at gunpoint. So this bubble of decadence may well outlive me.
But I doubt it’ll be the same country then. We’re already slashing […]
Hollow smiles and empty days
Fading light and lonely nights
A struggle to find what’s been lost
A fight that never ends
Watching time slip away
I’m just trying for one reason right now, but I already fucked everything up in my life. Symptoms are getting worse, and the worst time of the year is coming up again. Fun.
Stupid idiot
Hey guys. I realised something. I am young, so young. I am going to turn 20 on the 26th december. I have decided to let go all of my theories of atheism/creation and blah blah and do what makes me feel alive- Boxing and gym. I am also good looking an have nice muscles lel. I hope you find peace in this life, I am going to find it by boxing and gym and high protein diet like I use to do, I also recommend sport for you too. By making sport and having a well based diet you can overcome any problem . I […]
So yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the U.S. This last year (really the last 2 years) have been really bad for me, so I’m having a hard time feeling thankful/grateful about anything. Does anyone else on this site feel the same way? Also, how do any of you find things to be grateful for? I appreciate any and all suggestions.
“It could turn out that your depression isn’t all because there is something wrong with you but more because you are trapped in a materialistic culture with skewed values. You might find that walking away from everything that you’ve been trained to hunger for liberates you.”
Six months ago I had everything…a great paying job and a girlfriend of six years that I think adored me and I adored her. Depression then reared its head. I took absences from work to try and deal with it and then in July got fired. I haven’t been able to find a job since. This week my girlfriend and I broke up. It had been strained for a bit but kept hoping we could work through it. Now I’m about to end up on the street due to not having money. I’m still working on my plan but really liking this website. I felt […]
I have what seems like a perfect life, but i want out. I have a wonderful caring boyfriend that spoils me with love and affection but it isn’t enough and never will be because i do not love myself. When I look in the mirror all I see is failure. I don’t have a job, can’t keep a job or go back to school.. My social anxiety is a serious problem and the depression isn’t helping either. Living with memories of abuse i suffered as a child really gets to me and my thoughts are uncontrollable, it’s like it just keeps repeating over and over […]
I’ve recently found the courage to talk to someone about me. But now I’ve lost contact with him. He made me feel better. Now I feel like crap all over again.
It’s hard to find someone who understands and doesn’t judge. I guess that’s why I’ve joined SP. I need someone who understands.
i just was surfing YouTube and came across this . This just made me cry my eyes out and I really don’t even know why. I think I can’t relate my story and life to hers . I wasn’t in foster care and my parents didn’t beat me , but I was alone . My dad took me away from my mom when I was young because she was an addict . I remember when I would visit her I would find spoons and needles and pills all over the house . She was killing her self with these drugs. I saw what was once […]
After the mishaps, the trio continues their journey to find a town with several corpses in front of the main gate.
HDS: What happened here?
Zetsumei: Could it b- Zetsumei is shot in the head and its hood falls down.
Zetsumei continues to walk to the town despite the slow-healing hole in its head.
Zetsumei: I suggest both of you back up if you don’t want to die. If my suspicion is correct, you need to find some cover and quickly.
HDS and Rocketman retreat behind a tree.
As Zetsumei approaches closer to the gate, it is shot several more times.
Zetsumei: This is getting annoying. Can you please stop firing at […]
I’m finally happy with my life…
Leaving a perfectly good and healthy relationship because my family didn’t like him. I listen to them. I listen to all the lies they put in my head. It wasn’t him who made me depressed and started to cut. It was the build up of all the pressure and stress my own family put on me. Him and I were together for 2 years, yes we argued but what we had was one of a kind. I could never find anything like it. When I left I tried to find love in other men but they always hurt me […]
I’m not entirely sure when it happened, probably somewhere in between losing my best friend(whom I loved, and thought was my soulmate) and getting involved with drinking and smoking weed on a regular basis; I lost my soul. I really don’t have any friends and I don’t enjoy spending time with people most of the time. I like my alone time, not because I’m a loner but for the simple reason it seems impossible to make friends who share similar interests and aren’t complete assholes. It just seems like everyone is selfish and act like they are so much better. I didn’t grow up in […]
22nd April 2015. I remember is like it was yesterday but it feels so long ago. I was talking to a friend in the morning about you, asking if she had heard from you, telling her I was worried about you but at the same time was so proud of you for continuing to pull through. I was sitting in a managers fire meeting, Level 6, we had just been made chief fire wardens (a job that we did not want) and my phone light pinged […]
I don’t know what to think. I’ve been drinking to dull the pain. Now, I can’t drink much because it hurts my stomach, so I just sip it, little by little. I’ve had this four loko for 3-4 days now.
I’ve been in and out of chanting since I began because I’m so tired all the time and find it hard to commit to any religious practice. I’ve come to believe it’s real, though. It numbs me ever so slightly too.
None of this has been his doing. I’m sad, lonely, hurting, and numb on my own this time. I borrowed the iPad from work to get […]
For those of you who don’t know me – Hi, I’m dawg. As I do from time to time I pop in and out of the SP world – for no particular reason other than I try to keep up with the many many great people who I’ve met with here in the SP world … again, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m old … much older than most who participate here – I point this out because I have a hard time remembering all the names, so I’m not going to list the multitude of names I’ve met here – but […]
Is death truely what you believe to be God’s plan for you? I am hearing that God is calling you to find peace in your life but could that not mean for you to find the path to peace while in your life on earth through the pain. I KEEP TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OUT OF THIS THAT IS WHAT SOMEONE WROTE , I HAVE BEEN ASKING GOD TO TAKE AWAY THIS PAIN, BUT HE OR SHE IS NOT LISTENING OR TALKING TO MEEEEE FOR YEARS AND YEARS >>> SIGNED>>> STILLTRYINGTOCLICKWITHGOD, MAYBE I WILL MEET THE DUDE WHEN I EXPIRE […]
Today was actually great.
im feeling low right now but other than that I’m doing good today .
and it was so beautiful outside , and I got to see my love.
ive decided to find something I’m good at, or at least find a hobby .
i love jewelry, and stones, so I’m gonna teach myself how to metalsmith . It’s gonna take time and money, but doesn’t everything ?
Ive never had a hobby , or even if I did it was only for a short while . Instead of laying in bed every second of the day, I’m going to find something I love to do.
I really […]
I’m struggling to find a reason to stay. What is the point of my life?