Tag:

first time

Ok here it goes

by Iwantpeace2 5/17/2016

written by Iwantpeace2

Hello everyone , I am what you would call a first time poster… I visit this site often but like I said before this is my first post. I didnt believe posting here would mean anything.I still dont but like many of you here when I read the stories it does two things for me

First thing is helps me feel like im not alone in this fight

Second thing is makes me see how helpless we all are to what we suffer from. from the most potent level of depression to the less.

I personally just want my pain of existing to just end. I have lost […]

5/17/2016 2 comments

Trapped (or not)

by xo 5/4/2016

written by xo

Hi everyone.

This is my first time posting here—I just wanted… needed… a place to just write so if you happen to be reading this please bear with me.

First thing’s first I completely despise myself. For many reasons. And I’m pretty sure I should be anyways, because I am such an ungrateful, unappreciative, weak, utterly selfish, immature, pathetic organism. There are a lot more adjectives but these are the ones that should be put more emphasis on.

(I just want to add in—kindly please before you start lecturing me I want you to know, that I know; I’m lecturing myself about everything already, so […]

5/4/2016 2 comments

I hung out with ppl today

by MissDysphoria 4/26/2016

written by MissDysphoria

I think it was the first time this year. My social skill definitely have taken a toll because of it.
But i’m back alone in my dark small room now. ugh this is how my whole life is gonna be. i don’t want it. ill just die now thanks.

4/26/2016 3 comments

Last Weekend

by Procel 4/15/2016

written by Procel

So, it turns out im an alcoholic… thats the first time ive uttered those words fully.. i wish i could sya i felt better saying them but what i know ive to do next is rather unappealing. after this weekend im going to stay off the whiskey, and off the beer and off the vodka and cider, not that i touch that swine piss, and off puteen and all that. puteen is any irish alcoholic drink, ranges upwards of 80% and is illegal to brew here, yes im an irish stereotype, a motherfucken drunkard. anyway, heres me enjoying one of my last drinks. i dont […]

4/15/2016 16 comments

help

by TRlGGER 4/12/2016

written by TRlGGER

im completely out of my mind.
This is the first time im serious about swallowing a whole bottle of fucking pills. My head hurts and my moms pissing me the fuck off. Someone contact me i need someone.

4/12/2016 5 comments

Please kill me

by Metalgore 4/10/2016

written by Metalgore

In the past month my life seems to have gone from about a five (being ok and slightly happy) to a zero real quick. Almost all my friends have moved and I am actually alone for the first time in a while. I almost forgot how terrible the feeling was. Everyday day I’ve been repeating in my head “I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself..” I’ve also started to imagine me killing myself at school in the bathrooms or somewhere like that and wondering if anyone would actually care. But its not like they would…they don’t […]

4/10/2016 2 comments

Time to Move On

by 13vida 4/8/2016

written by 13vida

I don’ feel any more butterflies in my stomach when I think of him anymore, all I really feel is pain and that makes me sad. This used to make my world, he brightened it and made it so beautiful. Now, it feels gray and dank and disgusting. Now, when I think about him, I wonder if he even loves me at all, and if he doesn’t then when did he stop. I wonder if it was easy for him to replace me and I pray to the Universe that it isn’t, that if he truly loved me then he won’t be able to -selfish, […]

4/8/2016 2 comments

Gardening with dad

by nuclearbackpack 4/3/2016

written by nuclearbackpack

Today as requested I helped my dad in his garden. At one point I held a saw and considered slicing open my throat in front of him. Yes I am that badly advanced in my despair.

He knows that I am seriously depressed but he does not understand how profoundly unwell I am. I don’t seem to be able to tell him, or my similarly ageing mother.

I am starting to get that profound feeling that I have earned my suicide and that it is a foregone conclusion. Recently I’ve visited places from my past for the first time in years. Almost as if I’m saying goodbye. […]

4/3/2016 10 comments

I’m Scared

by JiminyCrispies 3/26/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Just when my head started to get quieter for the first time today (the voices have been constant), my stepdad came home with his friend after drinking for a couple hours. When they got here, my mum left to go out. Two hours ago my aunt and uncle and their kids came round. So now the house is full of four screaming kids and drunk adults. My anxiety is horrible, the voices are horrible, the figures are horrible. I’ve been crying upstairs for the last hour. I need to get away from everyone. They all keep opening the front door. They’re going to let the […]

3/26/2016 10 comments

Art

by Drowning 3/26/2016

written by Drowning

its the first time in months I drew something it’s a bit rusty but thought I would share it with u guys try put some colour in my life though all the darkness

3/26/2016 40 comments

not a bad day…

by claritee 3/23/2016

written by claritee

I’m having a really good day.Today is my birthday and for the first time in forever, I feel a lot of love for myself. I’m not anxious today and I just feel content and pleased. But I was thinking about you guys here and I just wanted to let everyone know that I care about you guys and I love you guys. I write here when I’m the most sad, the most depressed, the most vulnerable. But I also want to write here when I’m happy. Thanks everyone for still being here – and for all the support here. <3

3/23/2016 5 comments

Any experiences with opiates?

by maddie_kay 3/14/2016

written by maddie_kay

Anyone wanna describe how they felt when taking opiates (or synthetic opiates) for the first time? Just ordered some Tramadol and I’ve never taken any kind of drugs before, so I was just curious. Also heard that drinking after taking them increases the feeling of intoxication. Is that true?

3/14/2016 4 comments

Mine Alone

by Alfred1688 3/11/2016

written by Alfred1688

I told you to move on and not look back

I thought I was clear when we made that pact

I told you so many times to go away

Why won’t you listen to the words I say

Leave me behind from where I fell

It is my own fault that I landed in hell

There is nothing you can do today or tomorrow

So let me drown in my own sorrow

There is a reason for this selfish request

Trust me when I say it is for the best

This pain and suffering is mine alone

This dark and cold place is now my home

Your presence is only making the pain worse

There is nothing you […]

3/11/2016 0 comment

Zombie Lessons

by Cordless 3/7/2016

written by Cordless

calvin-psychopath

.
This morning (Monday) I finally got to sleep for the first time since Friday.

Slept for 12-13 hours, and still woke up feeling like someone who could give zombie-lessons.

I can sit and stare at the wall for an hour, doing nothing and thinking almost nothing, before my brain finally nudges me into consciousness.

Something is definitely weird.

I have two different doctor appointments next week, so maybe one of them will have an idea what’s going on.

Until then, hi, everybody.
Mondays are rotten for most people, so in […]

3/7/2016 37 comments

I probably deserve to die…

by Luka-chan 3/7/2016

written by Luka-chan

So I did a bad thing. Today is my boyfriends birthday and I was scrolling through facebook and saw a post from a friend of ours who I think over steps her boundaries with him.

It was a happy birthday post, however it wasn’t good. It basically said “you’re not at uni, you don’t have a job, you don’t have any hobbies and you don’t leave your room. Maybe this is the year you’ll do something. Happy birthday my lover and my friend”

Tell me what part of that post isn’t appropriate! That, in my opinion, isn’t nice. So in a fitof misery and anger, I went […]

3/7/2016 12 comments

Cutting, The Sweet Release

by unlucky101 2/24/2016

written by unlucky101

How can one even want to cut? A lot of my friends ask me this and i explain to them in such detailed and dedicated way how freeing it is for me.

Cutting may not be the same for everyone, but i can still remember my first time. You know that feeling in your chest when you’re sooo upset you can’t breath. I had that but to such an extreme i was hyperventilating on my bed. The first cut was such a new and exotic feeling. It hurt but not compared to the broken heart in my chest.

The second cut got a little more exciting and […]

2/24/2016 3 comments

Long time reader, first time poster

by acnescarrrred 2/23/2016

written by acnescarrrred

I barely have any energy to type this right now. Im totally dejected. I turned 26 last week, and think Im ready to go buy a gun. I dont even know where to begin. My acne scars have totally destroyed my cheeks, my relationships, my family, my job, my entire life. Ive always held hope that things like lasers, and peels would make a difference. But after working my ass off, showing the world my deep scars to save thousands for these treatments, a year later the improvement is minor. Im right back where I started and theres no hope of it getting any better. […]

2/23/2016 15 comments

I think tomorrow is the day

by FearOfGod 2/22/2016

written by FearOfGod

Tomorrow I will attempt suicide for the second time. The first time was basically a joke as I had no idea what I was doing. Since then I have dedicated months to finding an effective method and I think I have.

Tonight I will be setting up a series of delayed emails that I will schedule to be sent out to people sometime next month.

Looking forward to going out the same way I have spent the majority of my life. Alone.

2/22/2016 6 comments

Triple S Part 2

by Alan Ominous 2/13/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Dolores tucks her children into bed. Conroy stretches himself across their feet. His tail lightly thumping the bed spread. She sits at the edge of her own bed, examining the card. The money. She finds herself still bewildered, yet oddly comfortable. The first time in years she’s felt safe. The first time she’s been sure her children were safe. She smiles a new smile, a smile of hope and excitement for what comes next.

The same cannot be said for Dale. He stands sweating in his sweltering living room. Flynt, now approaching him, commands “have a seat Dale.”

Dale stumbles backwards into to sofa. “H-huh how do […]

2/13/2016 4 comments

Things don’t get easier

by creep25 1/29/2016

written by creep25

I never wanted to live, not even when I was a child. I still remember when I was 9 years old and cut myself for the first time. I squat there in the sand behind my classroom and sawed at my arm with the metal insert of a wooden ruler until I saw blood. I hated myself so much and the only thing that seemed to take the pressure away was putting myself in pain. When I was 13 I tried a knife for the first time but it was the razor blades I discovered at 20 that changed things for me. In college I […]

1/29/2016 1 comment

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