When the tides of life sweep you up like a tsunami no matter how good the ship is you either abandon it or drown but that is a joke because they are one in the same. I tried I really did but this year I am going to kill myself. I feel 5 years past due with the first attempt being at 15 now at 20 I am still plagued by all of my past grievances plus adult issues and I realize it’s a never ending shit show. When you go day by day making up excuses to live you just kinda start to wonder […]
Tag:
forgive
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I have been putting a lot of thought into religion lately and I get it. Religion is important in a lot of peoples lives and they get angry when you want to freely discuss god instead of blindly follow. A good friend of mine killed herself a few years back. We were part of the Jehovah’s witness cult and she had voices in her head telling her to hurt herself. She went to the elders of the church (because that’s what you would do) and they told her she needed to pray more. Not one of those motherfuckers though maybe she should go to see […]
Gah I’m so tired of them! All day all night my emotions change by the minute… I though I was getting better 🙁 But I seem to have only gotten worse. I just want to be strong for my loved ones (you guys are of course included) you know? I want you all to know that I am here to help, but if someone needs to lean on me for strength and I crumble… I couldn’t forgive myself. How do you deal with the voices in your head?
the bruises they fade, and the scars disappear. yet I’m stuck here hurt beyond disbelieve, looking for answers I can’t find within myself. the memories burn in the back of my mind and come creeping back any chance they get. the way her hands hit my face so effortlessly, or the way degrading words flew out of her mouth. I never felt so small, so afraid. I lay there helplessly on the ground, pleading for what seemed like my life, but not even that would stop her. then the next day would come and there would be flowers, or a heartfelt letter apologizing. I knew […]
Hello,
Ill start this post off by descriping what type of person I am. Physically fit person who never judges and always forgive. Always going out of my way (physically & emotionaly) to see people improve in there current situation. I act as a theorpist to people who need someone to talk too, giving them good advice making them feel like they have a chance. I would say im that person you would always smile at, never fear. Extremly logical, always keeping my self in a realistic and calm state of mind. With every person meet I would gain […]
This is for you Sammi6xoxo, Haven’t Given Up On You Yet There’s A Surprise At The End
by thelost
written by thelost
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
There was a boy and a girl. The two of them in a world that does not forgive mistakes. The boy had just come to this place, a place unlike any other. He knew not what to do, what was expected of him, he was ignorant.
The girl had been here for far too long, longer than the boy could ever imagine. She had learned long ago this place was strange and could not be compared to others.
The boy came here with scars covering him, too many to count and too many to see. He knew pain, oh he knew it well. It was […]
I’m so angry. I get so angry that my hands shake and that i forget to breathe. I’m angry because I can’t change anything. Being angry makes me angry. Having to see her face infuriates me beyond belief. I’m angry because I still have 2 more years of this stupid shit to deal with. 2 more years until I can leave and never look back. The thing is, I wanted to look back, and see my family and see my dad and know that I had a home. Im angry because I know how how it’s gonna end. He’s gonna die and i’m never going […]
I live with my mum. I don’t speak to my dad much. He ruined my life, quite literally. I wont go in to detail, but he destroyed my childhood, which still seems to be effecting me now, at 15 years old.
He turned up at my house the other week, dragging so much of my past back up. I haven’t spoken to him properly for over a year now, and he had the cheek to tell me, his daughter that he doesn’t know and hasn’t known for over 6 years, that I’m depressed.
I mean, I personally think there’s something along the lines of that there, but he […]
Oh, sure, I can exercise, take care of myself, meditate, eat good food, pursue some hobbies. Looks like my husband is leaving me, despite all the care I gave him. My one flaw of bad temper has him almost hating me now as he rewrites our past. It’s hard to deal with. Okay, the another flaw I see is I was the rescuer, thereby allowing him to be the victim, until he decided I’m the persecutor, because he doesn’t need me (to be the rescuer) anymore. The drama triangle is SO clear to me in hindsight. We’ll be separating for three months soon, and I’ll […]
What can i expect to find in Paradise….
i will be bored with such a contended life….
I will happily embrace Hell,
As it will still have a purpose, a hope.
I will wake-up ever day for a new punishment
With the hope that may be this is the day
When God will forgive me and this punishment will be over
And i know, i will never be forgiven;
And i know, i will never lose this hope
…..
But….It seems like i am already in hell; No?
And i have a hope that one day
i will wake up from this nightmare and
this […]
I will never forgive him for his horrible comments he made about Brittney Maynard saying that her choice to end her own life was a “crime against God”.
I shall never have the guts to tell you this but I’m sorry to have inherited your unhappy traits. However, I want to assure you that I’m going to end this “unhappy breed” in my generation. I’m so sorry to have questioned you why you brought me to this world. I can guess as a mother, it must have hurt you very much. I’m even sorrier that the question came from the bottom of my heart. I’d like you to know that every time you leave my room after a bitter conversation with me and sob in the middle of the night in the kitchen, […]
I’m not exactly sure what to write here. I don’t want to beg for attention or anything, I just want to get my feelings off my chest but I don’t want anyone who knows me to know how I feel. I’m afraid they would panic.
So for several reasons I don’t care to speak about, I’ve recently decided that I wish I could disappear. Or at least that’s what I thought. But as I started to think, I realized if I killed myself, or even if I just up and disappeared, I could possibly hurt some people around me. That’s not something I want at all.
Instead, […]
I’m suffocating.
I don’t know any other word for it.
I’m slowly suffocating in this life and I’m dying inside.
My mother asked me today, “Would you mind if I smoke?”
She knows that I HATE when she smokes. I’ve tried to help her stop smoking for the past 13 years and it seems like every time I think she;s getting better, she’s just faking it.
She told me she hopes that I can forgive her.
But how can I forgive a hypocrite? When I started smoking, she almost threw me out of the house. When I […]
If there’s a punishment in the afterlife for suicide, don’t you think one would deserve it at least until people forgive the suicidal one? I don’t believe with certainty that there’s even an afterlife but you never know. The only thing I’m almost sure of is that there’s no eternal “hell” because there’s so many factors that go into one’s life that It’s not fair to punish you eternally for what you did in a short lifetime. I believe in God for some reason. Also, NDE’s and even science are beginning to support a theory of an afterlife.
You were vulnerable and I left you.
I felt I had no choice.
Nonetheless, I threw you away.
You needed me to take care of you,
I did not value your life.
I do now, so very very much.
My deepest, deepest sorries.
I am hurting so much.
But you, you paid for my incompetence with your life.
I prayed for you the night before they took your life.
I didn’t know it would happen that way, that day, I would’ve came for you. I would’ve ran to you.
Please believe me.
God did not answer my prayers that night.
God has never answered […]
Someone once told me that in order for me to move on in life I have to let go of all of these emotions that are keeping my hostile. So here is my story, that will hopefully help me move on and let go of the past so I can be happier. Including a photo might be my way of letting it all out there my own way. idk ………
I was feeling down today. So I made this account & I suddenly didn’t feel so alone. To know that there are other people out there that I can relate to comforts me in a way. […]
I really fucked things up with my friends and they won’t ever forgive me. I feel extremely bad with myself for what I did and feel I can no longer live with myself knowing I did the things I did. I don’t have a good relationship with my family and there’s no one left in my life so I contemplate suicide because no one would be affected by it anyways since not even my family cares.
Since my father has heart problems and my grandma had trouble sleeping I’ll take all their pills and swallow them all at once so I can finally put an end […]