so today was a long and bad day. started off a good day though. but i was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of weapon in school, possession of another students property (theft), and possession of lighters. this all happend in school. it sucked. i was in the deans office for like 4 hours. im gonna need to go to court, and i was suspended from school for ten days. might even get expelled. but i dont think i will. then i might need to go to rehab. so my life sucks even more now. i got a mugshot and finger printed too. […]
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i have had many suicide attempts, and i will share them all eventually, but this is one of the more recent ones, and it is the one that disturbs me most..
i had been feeling bad for a while, things were getting on top of me, i was living with my boyfriend in a really cramped flat, it was summer, and a few things happened, i had a minor fit of paranoia when my friend tripped me up at the pub he didnt mean to, yet i saw it as he did, i was feeling abandoned, and lonely, i didnt want to be with my boyfriend […]
Wow, its been a long 35 years. This story started along time before I was born. Lets start with a US Marine who had one too many tours in vietnam, my mothers stepfather( my spelling is really bad sorry) Not sure if it ws the war or just an inate evil, the man that is still alive, did horrible things to my mother and my aunt. My mother and father were married in in the early 70s thing were great for both of them until 1980, my dad recked his truck on the way homefrom work, broke his neck, never walked again, full quad, they […]
Stop banging away on my kaleidoscope. Stop draining the color out of my scene. Just play me something I can dance to. I can dance to anything you wanna sing….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
ok….. Monday is only sixish days away… And I can’t wait.
People are trying to talk me out of it, they say that things will get better, but I don’t really believe them.
I just don’t want to leave behind on of my closest friends…Lauren. If you ever get to read this then just know that if I ever were to do something then its not your fault. ILoveYou.<3.
Please don't ever blame yourself….
I can't cope much longer, living this way…also I love you, Jayden…. You are the best nephew anybody could ever ask for…..<3
I’m starting to really think that it would just be so much better if I was gone. I don’t have anyone, really. I mean, I guess I might, but that’s not the point of anything. I don’t care that I have no friends. That has nothing to do with why I want to end my life. I don’t know what it is. I can’t seem to figure out what has caused all of this, it started a few years ago and I thought it had gone away. I did and I was happy. Actually god damn happy, or so I thought. But, now that I […]
To the people around me I’m just that average semi popular kid who has a lot of friends and is always smiling. If they only knew how much effort I have to use to pretend like I’m this happy person. When in reality all I think about is ending my life. I weigh 120 lbs I’m 5’7 and I’m almost 18. I’ve attempted suicide a couple times with no success, I don’t even know why I continue to live this miserable existence. I suffer from terrible anxiety, bi polar, and bpd. I’ve tried multiple medicines, years of therapy their isn’t much left to try. I […]
I the my family I see no porpuse for them.they say that they will be there for ou no matter what but that’s just a big lie…my families the worst my moms a stupid whore who hates her kids but got herself pregnant again.she isn’t a real mother all se does is verbally abuse us,I swear I don’t even consider her as my mother jut because I can’t be related to her,I just won’t except it I’m the only one sane in my house.my mons says I just look Luke my father that’s why I’m different from my sisters but I don’t care my dada […]
I went back to school today, it was the worst couple of hours ever! Was hoping for a fresh start but kept getting dirty looks from people. I feel insecure as it is. I can’t stand the way I am. I hate myself I don’t need someone else to tell me what a fuck up I am. Thought I would have a fresh start with people I considered friends instead I was greeted with a “fuck you!” and someone else shaking their head at me. The thought that kept running through my mind was ‘what am I doing here? Why didn’t I just end it […]
one day for sure. i will. i will die at my own hands. Why shouldn’t we be able to pick when we want to die? I think we should. Its our owN life not someone elses. We wouldn’t be harming anyone. Only temporarily. I want to die so bad sometimes. I hate when people(teachers mostly for me) mention suicide and laugh about it and stuff. I Hate that. They shouldn’t be saying things that can hurt someone emotionally. I get affected by people who say certain things. Maybe its just because I have the desire to die and I’d actually consider myself suicidal. But I […]
Well I talked with my ex today, a very heavy conversation… one that (sadly) but also good i guess if the ideal situation is achieved after this point, saved me from myself today. While I didn’t really push or care what her response was, she randomly threw me a bone, the very chance I wished came a lot earlier. Minimal contact for 2 months, and at the end, we will reconvene with different perspectives on where to go from there, i am feeling this is a 50/50 chance right now that it does come with the results i wish. While I am also hating that […]
I met a guy a year ago and I’ve had a crush on him ever since I saw him. we’ve always been friends and I know he’s been thro a lot and he knows I have too. I’m like best friends with his sister and I went to hang out with her and we went to a party with her bro there. he got drunk and I got drunk and we ended up hooking up. a week later I started to really like him… then over Christmas break we hooked up again.. and I still like him more then before. I’m scared to love him […]
I was at drivers ed tonight at my high school and there was a basketball game going on and i looked in and i saw all the girls with their friends and families and all i cant think is why cant i have that? why cant i have friends who will support me? why cant i have friends in general or people who like me? no guys are ever interested in me and the only guys that are, are the kinds that just want a ding dong ditch because i let every guy in that i can because they are the only ones that ever […]
for me life is a game for me i believe god sent me to the earth, an epolepsy infected teenager, to have a f*cked up life and see what i do liveing with weed smoking parents, s*it grades and no friends. when its over i go to bed crying and shaking. there is no god for me. i believe if i die i get to be some 1 else. id like this because i can get out of this s*it life and be happy.
kay so if you’ve read my other entries you’d know how I’ve been and whats going on.
to recap me and my bf broke up becuz we had to…. i miss him so much.. i think I’m falling apart..
i don’t want to do anything anymore. I’m getting in fights easily. on chat pas on my iPod… i don’t know what to do!
i go back to school tomorrow and finals are coming up.. how am i suposto focus?.. and my friends… i don’t want to talk to them.. i think I’m giving up… some ppl are telling me to try and move on. the thought of it […]
Another of my friends committed suicide today.. seriously? thats three in two months. I cant take much more of this.. with these deaths my aunts death and my parents divorce and fighting and me being bullied i cant take this any longer. i feel like collapsing on the floor.
7pm on Jan 2, 2012.
I’m alone, in my room – lights off. Just me, and the music I’m listening to. This is the first time I’ve felt.. alone in a long time. I thought I had gotten use to the feeling. But no, apparently not. My Grandpa is in his room – right across the hall.. yet it feels like miles between us. I’m scared. Of my mind; the thoughts swirling around in the chaos.
To be honest, my life isn’t horrid.
I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times. I cut – but nothing serious. I don’t know if I want to die.. or just […]
Hi my name is Aurora and I’m going to turn 19 soon. Since I was a little girl I’ve suffered from depression. I remember my frist suicide attempt was when I was around the age of 7 to 9. I tried to suffocate myself with my blanky by stuffing it down my throat, it didnt work. I continued on with my life miserable, but unaware that these feelings werent normal. My mother and stepfather abused me most of my life both mentally and physically. When I confronted my mom about the way she use to treat me she tells me to get over it or […]
Your job?
Your money?
Your family?
Your friends?
Your fame?
Your reputation?
Your lovers?
…. Why are you happy or Why are you unhappy?
I don’t particularly think my story is of any significance, nor do I think anything particularly bad has happened to me, but I shall share my story anyway because of the simple fact that I want to.
I shall begin with the fact that I’ve always hated my father, as far back as I can remember he has always annoyed me, with his selfishness, lack of manners and personal space, I swear, if I even began insulting him, I could never stop. People say I have a really good memory but the truth is, I don’t I can’t exactly remember anything before the age of […]