I’m sorry… How royally fucked up is this country, that the same people who allowed me to be raped repeatedly for seven years, to the point I had a child, could have the audacity to look me in the eyes and say they can’t help me? Really?! Do you have any idea how many times I tried to tell people what was happening, only to be called a liar? And now, the bastard draws a disability check for being bipolar (no shit). That’s not a lot of money, but it’s $700 a month while my son and I have NOTHING. His class Easter party […]
Tag:
Getting A Job
I’ve felt this way for a long, long time. Kind of been going thru the motions, doing what others (or I thought others) expected. Â Going to school, getting a job, married, having kids, etc. Just didn’t seem to care. Â Got divorced a couple of years ago, haven’t talked or seen the ex or kids since then. Just didn’t care. When I try to rationalize it, it seems like it should bother me. But it doesn’t. Actually, I haven’t seen or talked to my entire family. I just don’t have the connections that you would expect between people that are family. Â Never did, I was always […]
I don’t want to be dead. I’m suicidal, and I recognise this fact. I think about killing myself the way other people think about what they’re going to have for breakfast. I don’t want to die, I just can’t face the fear and the despair that always return to my mind. It gets to the point where I can’t see any other alternative.
I’ve tried to kill myself a lot of times, 16 to be exact, and I’ve always failed. My last two attempts were definitely the most serious, and both almost ended my life. The first I ended up with multiple organ failure; the last I jumped […]
My name is Abbigaile Alexandria Mareeh Knight. This is my story.
Some parts have been editied out due to length and time.
I was born during the blizzard of 1993 in Raleigh, North Carolina. I’m the middle of four children, three remaining. I don’t remember much from my childhood other than battling a disease that required me to stay away from playing and doing normal things that children do, The only “sport” was able to do was ballet.I resented it, as well as the pageants that my mother forced me to do. I was living in the small town of Dublin, North Carolina. I met several close, […]
I have literally lost everything – job, friends, house, boyfriend – and it’s all my fault. Living with my dad in the country now with no hope if getting a job. He has terminal cancer and I’m not even strong enough to help him. And I can’t feel anything at all. I can see no point in continuing living. I wish I could just dissolve into the air, but a bad death is coming for me soon, I just don’t know when.
I have attended four highschools, all completely different. With completely new teachers, new classes, and new classmates. With each school year I’ve been that girl who rarely spoke, the girl who just went to school then went back home.I had no life, because I never opened up and allowed people to get close to me.
Every new school year my mother says I’ll find some new friends who won’t stab me in the back, but every time I’m invited to hang out, my mother says no. She claims it’s because she doesn’t know these people, and I think ‘how will you ever know them if […]
I can’t say i haven’t tried i am currently being treated for depression i self harm unfortunately i don’t blog this kind of thing to the world but now as i write this i’m thinking of where to i go from here and whats my next step in life to be honest im not entirely sure myself doesn’t it seem worth it when i think about it all there is is getting a job marriage , then divorce kids and die anyways . I’m not sure about living a life that means that . i’m thinking of suicide but i cant bare to see my […]
To me the only way to live is to say its my life and I will do what ever I fucking feel like doing. If I don’t want to go to school I dont go, If I feel like going outside at 3am I say fuck the curfew. I will no longer have anybody ever again tell me what to do and I will personally clash with anybody telling me otherwise. I dont give a fuck about societies norms and expectations and Fuck getting a job. I am obligated to absolutely fucking nothing at all becuase I didnt even choose to live this life. If […]
Hi, so I have not posted in six months or more….I want to say that things can get better. My life has turned around and I did it without meds and therapy. I have a stable job (they love me) and an agent wants to read my manuscript. It is night and day for me. I am so glad that I stuck it out, day by day even just three months ago I was still pretty hopeless. But here is the difference, I’ve read about the link between mood and creativity. It is not my fault. Yes, life […]
My friend and I are drifting so bad. Friday she was upset over not getting a job she was feeling worthless and like a failure and was talking suicidal. I, being her best friend, tried my hardest to console her and comfort her, as i know the feelings all too well. Her response to my advice “I’m taking advice on why not to kill myself from a girl who has tried to kill herself, really, you think you can help me.” That hurt me so bad, as she said that i tried to laugh it off because she later told me it was a joke. […]
I’m trying to make things right. fuck, i guess i didn’t realize working on a time limit makes things a helluva lot more difficult. Why is it that it’s never enough? why am I never enough? I can see my ‘friends’ going places, and doing things with their lives, but when I think of myself all I can think of is the nothingness inside of me (yes I stole that from Linkin Park), I can’t see myself going to college or getting a job, or being a ‘contributing member of society. I am stuck. and I just what to end it all.
Fuck. The nights and […]
Hi everyone. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe I just need to get this shit off my chest. I’ve been kicked out of college, my only option now is to get a job or be thrown out.
I have extremely bad problems with my confidence, and so getting a job is out of the question. I’m going to take the easy way out and commit suicide. I live in the UK and have £60 from my google adsense, I’m just praying this is going to be enough for some helium, or whatever else I could use to painlessly kill myself.
I feel so […]
If you don’t know the short story, look it up…
I’m always alone, or left alone, the people that supposedly care about me, do absolutely nothing to stop this pain. I’m always told to move on with life. WHAT LIFE? I have nothing left, no way to continue education or getting a job, my credit was completely destroyed by my own school, and my education opportunity completely destroyed by my ex. They take everything from me, but I’m not allowed to be angry, or depressed?! They steal money and people’s lives, and I’m not allowed to do anything to fight back? Why do they get rewarded […]
I feel like I am being hounded. I have no-one to turn to or talk to. I feel like I have no purpose in life other than to cook brownies for my sister’s film crew or do the laundry for my family or some other menial household chore. I want to end this but haven’t the will to find a purpose outside of what I know. I hate the role I have as my family’s domestic servant. I want out. I have very little money and only a high school education. Getting a job is so hard because I can rarely remember all the stuff […]
I really can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry to all of you who take offense to me, since you all have real legitimate problems that I want to help you with if it weren’t for my own selfishness and self loathing got in the way. I’m sorry.
I hate my family. I always try to see the good in people rather than be a total pessimist, but I am always proved wrong. I hate how my father comes home everyday piss drunk. I hate how my little brother is treated like a king when he acts like an asshole 24/7. I hate how my older brother […]
I am a college student majoring in engineering who is about to graduate in May. Â I have been feeling very suicidal recently because I just got rejected from two different jobs on the same day. Â I have been applying to jobs since August and have been a few interviews, but then have been rejected. Â I felt that these past two jobs that I interviewed for were kinda the last “straw” in terms of getting a job before graduation. I feel like a failure and I am not sure where to go from here. Â I feel pressure from everyone who expects me to get a job […]