Who am I?
I’m eliza. 15. And more and more everyday I find myself hating myself for how I am.
I feel worthless,
Fat,
Ugly
I want to be anyone but me. I hate it. I hate feeling this way but it’s true though.
I don’t feel good anymore,
I used to be happy, before HE came along
Fucked me up majorly
I cut all the god damn time and I’m sick of feeling like I’m so worthless all the time :/
I dot know who I can trust, my family are never there for me, I want to be happy living in my own […]
So I just got the results back from my entrance university exams. I secured 2nd position and obtained 70% scholarship.
Thank you God…
I hope… I can convince her… if we can manage the funds… maybe I can buy a car. I don’t mind a second or an ugly one.
Please God… please let me live. I am bored and tired of dying everyday… I want to live… I want to be normal. I want to live.
I have lots of dreams to achieve, dreams of 17 years. I will survive, I will hold on till that day come. So please God… give me a chance.
its over for me , it drained me , killed me of emotions , all those crimes , all the terrible things i did , the way i live my life i dont want it anymore , and now , what do i do , only god can help me if he is there and can hear me ,
i am dead inside , there is nothing left no more , i cry in my room at times , screaming as loud as i can , and yet , no one hears me , and no one sees me , its funny , i make […]
Originally, I always thought that god loved me, and that other people loved me too. I thought that my lack of talents or good traits was just unlucky. But I dont think God loves me, or anyone else for that matter. Even my own mum, admitted that she thought that i am “Sick”. My parents are never going to be happy. Neither am I. It doesnt help that i have no talents or abilities or ethics, even the most basic instructions i find hard to understand. Im slow. Im dumb. Im weak. I have been called all these things by my parents. Theyre right of […]
I only shall his once today, i didnt go any where near the cafeteria and chilled in the liabary all morning. I took really odd and out of the way routes to all my classes to make it easier on myself, i only shall him once after school. It was the only way out of the science building and there he stood waiting for his girlfriend i bit my lip as i walked past his friend cody spotting me grabbing my arm saying something i couldnt understand. I shook his arm off quickly and ran off, looking long enough to see tanner looking at me […]
Been a little while. Hi everyone. Whenever I think about suicide (which has been happening more and more frequently) I always try to figure out why I want to die. The main thing I’ve decided that drives towards suicide is an increasing lack of interest in everything. It all sounds so dull and tedious. There are times when I just want to be alone and sleep, times when being dead and people leaving me alone sounds very enticing. That’s actually one of the more frequent desires I find myself having during my moments. I suppose the other thing I find interesting about death is rather […]
Not sure if thats necessarily a good thing.. I used to live on this forum a few months ago.. I don’t know what changed even. One day I just got confident. I thought I could finally live without these thoughts everyday. I don’t need this forum, I said to myself.
Well here I am again. Lower than I was months ago. I can’t handle this anymore. I have access to a gun now. That’s probably the one good thing about right now. Otherwise I’m completely broken. I just need him. why does god do this? ugh not even god why does MY HEART want him […]
sometimes id love to just bang my head against the kitchen table till i bleed to death.You see im caught between this road of all for killing myself yet slightly afraid.Not Afraid of whatll happen to me but to everyone else.My families is bad but not that bad. Im afraid by living im making my life worse and that by dying ill make there lives worse. I told my mom recently after my admission to the hospital that i felt everyone that theyd be better off if i was dead. But my mom told me how everyone acted when i was away at the hospital […]
give me a break god, just take me in the next hour prior to waking up for work. please lord. amen.
I’ve been on this site many times before…Reading this blog is like reading the Bible to me. It’s refreshing to be able to read all the honest feelings in these posts. I am not happy to read about how so many of us are suffering, but at the same time, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel at times…Well most of the time. I wish that I could accurately describe how fucked up my life is…It really is exceptionally miserable. I’ve spent the majority of my life with depression and anxiety…But I always had hope for the the future..Hope for […]
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
Every day its the same thing, like a movie over and over.
Why cant I be gone already? Why am I still here hoping for change when more terrible stuff happen? Why when i beg God to be dead the more bad stuff happen to me. I guess it just my bad luck. My life is to complicated right now but i keep holding on but then again there will be no change. But i won’t let go. No. Not now. Not when there are those few people that care so much. Not when i start feeling a bit of love. But then I can’t stop that thought. That thought that makes me hurt myself and i […]
falling, falling.
God is calling
gotta go, cant keep him waiting
fading,fading
life is slowy fading,
getting kinda hazy, life is fucking crazy
goodbye, goodbye
tears in my eyes
I should’nt cry
I’m finally gonna die
my last night
Fly,fly
with my angel wings,
halleluiah the chorus sings
have fun, down there.
while i’m hangin out in this nice fresh air
leaking,
no breathing,
who said this was gonna be easy.
your body says no while you say yes
,kinda wanna force it to let you face death.
C’mon C’mon just let me go, let me die out here in the snow
C’mon C’mon just set me free
end it now I […]
Ugh, God. The past few months have been hell, even with all of the nice comments people’ve put on my posts. I’m stressed out beyond belief, I haven’t slept in 3 days, literally. I haven’t eaten in… fuck, I can’t remember the last time I ate. My dad’s threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, he’s yelled and screamed at me, telling me I’m not good enough. My grades, as hard as I’ve tried, have plummeted. From A’s and B’s last year, to C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. My girlfriend is possibly going to prison, and I could go too. My best […]
I woke up very anxious and stressed this morning. It’s midnight here now. And I’m thinking of suicide again. And murder. My parents’ arguing woke me up. It always bothers me when they fight. Why? Because I have a crazy mother. Yes, crazy. Clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness. I have seen her at a low level to the highest peak of her craziness. And when she gets nuts, really nuts, I shake like hell. I hate how much I am unable to control it. I always tell myself to toughen up but my body and mind defies me. I put […]
Everyday it’s a constant struggle on trying not to cut. Not only thy but seeing all the many scar that completely cove my thigh  I’m trying my best to try and have god back in my life I fell like I need him mor than my razor . I really have tried I tell my friends but they  dont care at all. It sucks not hacing a true friend  thy will respond but I’m just trying my best
I dont deserve to live. Thats what I think, and thats what I feel everyone else should think about me. Ever since i’ve become a teenager my life has just been shit. You’ll probably say im just overreacting. You’re probably right. But i cant help it. I just hate myself so bad I can barely describe it. Im a failure at life. I had friends, then I lost them, im socially awkward, im a freak, im a coward, im pessimistic, im selfish, im useless, im dumb, im slow and im narrow-minded. I feel like Gods mistake. Aparrently God gave everyone a good trait, but not […]
I’ve come to a conclusion: I’m insane. I used to think that I was just unique, then again, my young, naive eyes sought for any and everything that would make things better.
Looking at some of the crap other people have gone through and comparing their situations to mine, I feel like an ass. I really should be grateful for my life, but instead, I’m here, desperately seeking someone, even someone who is quite possibly as unstable as I am, to give me a reason. Just one.
I guess I should just get to my privileged-child sob story. Where should I start? Ah, yes, […]
well just got out of my two week stay at the suicide part of the hospital, i feel even worse than before. I go through all this shame of being suicidal and all the dirty looks of the staff members when i dealt with them. Being suicidal sucks, i failed ten times before and the eleventh i think ive got it made but my mom found me too early and i lived then spent the next few weeks in a mental institution. God wont let me die and its fucking cruel!