I’m actually feeling good about my job interview tomorrow . I have one at top golf . It just opened in my city . And it’s a group interview . You play games with people and have fun so it’s not even like a real interview .
I just get nervous . I feel like if I get this job then I will feel like I have something to do . It will take my mind off things .
So wish me luck tomorow … It’s gonna be a nerve wrecking day . I also have to present my research paper in class .. That’s […]
I feel better (?) but I still hate my life. Why is it that I had a good life (for the last 3 years anyway) when depressed, but have a life I hate while less depressed? I wish my ex had the chance to know me like this, that I had a chance to feel less depressed and be happy with my life at the same time, even if it wasn’t for long. If only I had gotten treatment, real treatment, sooner- everything would be so different.
I am so lonely without my ex. I don’t feel like I’ll ever meet someone I love as much as her […]
Im not good at it. Just strumming and listening to the cords I strike coming through my orange amp. Thats it, im rockin a sad face and glum attitude. I wanted ask Sunflower for a woman’s perspective.. But I got caught up in my guitar, my humbug, and nothingness. Like.. Where did my good slightly scratching the surface attitude go?. It went right into my thoughts
This urge is getting stronger yet my family doesn’t understand why I try to fight it. So what if I’m “useless” by not driving, would crashing into a traffic pole be better? Time after time, I’ve proven I would let everyone drown while watching… Friends, family, every single person… If being human means being empathetic than I’m not human. I’m a monster and I’m done repressing it. Not that I was ever good at repressing it… To be honest, I don’t understand why anyone would be sad at my death. Sorry, everyone. I just needed to vent very badly today.
In less psychopathic news, Alan Rickman […]
So I was brave, and went to my doctor for help. I did it. And since I did that, my friend who took space came back and is being completely supportive again. Which is good. We’ve actually talked a lot more then we did before, and it’s not always so dark like it was. I have actually been able to help him with stuff he is dealing with. So that front has been good. And he’s been honest, the only thing he won’t stand by and watch is me constantly not going to appointments and missing 3 months worth. And he said he would be […]
I basically visit this site everyday since my sister told me about it. But I’m always somewhat off with my posts. Truth is what I’m going through doesn’t really match a lot of posts that I read on here. And that says something.
Sure enough, we all feel suicidal for whatever reason and that is why we stay so true to SP. We’re all linked that way. But our reasons for loathing three things: ourselves, other people and the world/future, are so different.
I guess I’m just stating the obvious here but I want to get this point across. There are no problems that are too small or too […]
Today is bad. No thoughts. I am sad, unable to find out the reason.
Just a moment before I started writing this post, I was thinking about the past when I felt a connection with her for the very first time. It was summer of 2007.
June 2007. 🙂 well I felt little good now. 🙂
I miss our first chats. It was deleted accidentally.(phone updation)
And rest messages were deleted by myself when I was this close to end my life.
I deleted our all conversations.
I deleted my whole notes(kinda journal). (It contained more than 2500 pages. Those pages had so much good memory.
Today I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
My depression took a break, I think. I didn’t go anywhere or see anyone but I had a moment of happiness when I heard one of my favorite songs . Then I drew a little and actually enjoyed it.
I’m not sure this is SP material but I thought maybe this is hope for some of you.
Either way today was a win. I wish for all of you to have a victory tomorrow 🙂
I’m scared shitless. I don’t think I can survive. I’ll end up in prison because I’m just too poor to pay back the government from money I earn and buy insurance on top of it. For fuck’s sake, I’m more often homeless than I am housed because I don’t make enough to get housing on my own. But I got my W2 from my first job and I made just over the poverty line. I thought the poverty line was higher but nope, it’s been lowered. My other job isn’t taxed and I’m afraid I’ll be fucked, owe the government thousands upon thousands that I […]
I thought I was doing good. I was feeling better for a week but it wasn’t just on my own. I started talking to another girl. She was pretty, and we talked great all week. Sending pics back and forth. I was still keeping my guard up, just incase we stop talking. Well I finally met her in real life a week later and I felt like more of a man again. Like I guess thats what confidence is, feels like.. My two feet on the ground, a skinny regular guy, another person a part of this world. Doesn’t matter if I’m rich or poor, […]
In the led zepplin cover band. I hope he is okay too!. I think its so cool to make zepplin music even so just drumming. I hope he’s good. I missed the whole problems thAT arose with the discussion. But i do hope we can work it out. TOGETHER!
Uhhh, hey. Been a while since I posted here. I’ve been reading alot on SP though. I’ve decided to make a post now because I did say to Shepard I would try and be more active. Beware, if you’re reading this, it will likely be quite a lengthy post.
Well, as I type this, my family and I are currently driving towards Christchurch (city in New Zealand). Surprisingly, I’ve enjoyed the drive. It’s been good to get out and go somewhere this holidays, because so far, all I’ve done is work, play video games and hate myself. How exciting.
There’s actually something I really did want to […]
I was so done after this veteran was full of crap when I dated him. I even went out of my way to get transportation to see him. That’s how much I cared. He told me he was in love with me and other sweet things. I get too caught up in words. They mean nothing. After seeing him and not hearing from him, I went on the dating site and told him off. I told him I hope someone breaks his heart. He said he couldn’t find my number, but he could have easily found me on the dating site like I found him. […]
I’m grieving all over again, losing that dog.
She had given her to me originally, when she left me, but then this weekend happened. I went crazy and my dad gave the dog back to her, afraid I wasn’t coming back.
And now she’s keeping her. Says the two dogs have rebonded, even though when she gave her to me, she said they’d both adapt and be happy. And she was happy with me and my parents. She loved running up and down the stairs.
I feel like this is just cruel. She knows how much the dog means to me. She’s said herself that she’s like my […]
My friend called me to go to the beach and go see the water and trails and it was so cold , about 25 degrees . But I got some good pictures . Here’s some
happiness to share with you all 🙂 it was gloomy out but the water was pretty .
Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset
I am a student, and older than my other classmates it makes me feel so much inferior that sometimes i dont like to go to classes, and secondly i look older than my age that is an issue too. one of our teacher calls us daily at the podium and asks us to discuss that is highly embarrassing for me facing daily cause my english is not good. a lot of things i have to face daily in class, sometimes i feel to end my life. not able to find any way out. i have backlogs that i have to clear in near future, there […]
Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’m almost 24 and my native language is not english, so excuse my poor english.
I have been dealing with anxiety and depression (i guess it appeared later) since the age of 15/16 i guess. It started after my dad said yes to a surgery to my kidney( i didn’t want to do it cause i knew it wouldn’t fix anything, it was’nt a matter of life or death, not anything closer to that, just to fix a congenital problem). But the only thing it brought to me was a psicosomatic disorder and later anxiety and depression.
I’m telling you […]
I feel so sad and broken right now , it’s like my life is based on disappointment after disappointment. The year of 2015 was so tough, i’ve been feeling so unhappy. I’m graduated in a not so glamorous course in college, so it was not a surprise when i didn’t find a good job, having to accept any office sh** that appeared to me with a small paycheck, and by the way i hate every second of it.
Suicidal thoughts come often to my mind, but i never had the courage to do it, anyway sometimes i feel like i can’t handle that bad feeling […]
There are so many ways to help yourself other than stuffing your self with pills and seeing a therapist . I’ve never done either of those so I don’t really know what it’s like , but I have friends that tell me self therapy is so much better and that is ….
Art.
I’ve been recently starting calligraphy . It’s so interesting .. And hard . & it’s beautiful .
For Christmas my mom bought me a zen coloring book too . And it’s nice because I’m just paying attention to coloring in between the lines .
I think art is a good way to help yourself . It’s […]
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