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don’t even know why i’m posting this stupid long shit

by deadinside9
written by deadinside9

been doing some journaling lately and got an urge.

SourceURL:file:///Users/Jesse/Documents/Writing/2-24-2012

2/4/12

 

Well, I’m trying something I figured I’d do on the way home.

Just got back from Dr. Markowitz and again was having discussions about doing things, how I don’t wanna do things, all the negative thoughts, all the incentive not to, how I wanna die all the time, and shit like that. Since I always seem to have a little shred of positivity after I come home from him, I decided on the train home that maybe I’d try writing down my thoughts, something he has suggested and has been suggested many times before, so here I am.

Everything […]

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When I’m Depressed I’m Happy

by Cheerio
written by Cheerio

I’ve written about this before but I feel the need to write about it again. When I’m depressed I’m happy.

Let me explain…

Today for the first time in awhile I wasn’t depressed at all. I haven’t been on any antidepressants for two days and all of a sudden I can breathe. I’m tempted to start taking them again so I get worse. When I’m depressed people worry about me. It’s the only time I know they actually care about and love me. They take care of me so I don’t have to. I guess too that I’m so familiar with sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, hatefulness, shame, guilt […]

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Well…I think I am going to Kill myself some time soon

by iusedtobenormal
written by iusedtobenormal

or it certainly seems and feels like I will.

I have had mental health problems for years now and I have always actively tried to help myself. I have always sought help and have been medicated for a long time. I think it was hard because I was never ill enough for it to be noticed by anyone but ill enough for it to interfere with my life daily.

I just hate myself. Every time I close my eyes, my mind is screaming for me to end it. I just cant do it any more and I have no other choice. I have never visualised myself being […]

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I don’t no want to do?

by shockwave
written by shockwave

Hi guys
ill try and make this short.i have being feeling like committing suicide for the last 2 years. i badly want too but i guess i’m scared of hurting my family, i don’t want to hurt them i’m not saying i’ve got great relationship with my family but i do obviously care deeply about them.. I’m very sad and i must suffer from depression,, i don’t cut myself or anything. I feel so sad everyday i get up is terrible everything is a constant struggle… I do feel for so many people that have posted on this site.. I have a […]

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WHAT AM I AFRAID OF SINCE MY WIFE LEFT ME

by thisworld
written by thisworld

What am I afraid of?

I guess the feeling that I am completely alone and that there was nobody to help me. In that moment, I felt all the other times in my life when I had been left alone and in pain. It felt like a knife was jabbing into an open wound on my chest. I could barely breathe, My sadness was so deep that it blinded me to any other realities. My biggest fear has surfaced. I believed that I would be stuck forever in the empty, painful feeling of my loneliness.

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New beginnings and new problems.

by Noodle12
written by Noodle12

Its been a while since ive written here, I’m writing this on a notepad on the bus but I assume a lot has changed, I’d like to meet some of the new guys here.

But, anyway.. Reason for posting, it’s not really so much about me, there’s just a shitload of stress happening to people around me. My best friend is having the shittiest year at school right now and I feel really bad for her, which is nothing I’d be doing a year ago, but ive gotten different too. I guess life has been gotten more boring and I’ve woken up and started caring about […]

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not so good.

by iusedtoknow
written by iusedtoknow

I feel a fraction better right now but it’s only because I’ve started making a plan so actually not better I guess.
Pretty sad when even here no one cares, it goes unanswered, not even worth looking at. Like a sign, I should stop thinking anything will ever be different, no one will ever give a flying f**k.

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Just need somewhere anonymous to vent I guess

by Dashed
written by Dashed

Hi.

I’m 23, I’ve been suicidal since I was 11. I don’t really know how it feels not to be depressed, I guess. Being this way has been its own vicious cycle. When I’m sad, I drive away the people I love. When I drive away the people I love, I feel worse. Then there is the other stuff, you know, letting people down just by being disappointing. Letting myself down too. I hate myself. I like to think that if suddenly some person came along and loved me unconditionally, it’d change things, but I know that isn’t true. I know what I am supposed to […]

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This seems like a lot of effort to say something rather uninteresting but it would be cruel to say nothing.

by whycantijustuseanormalname
written by whycantijustuseanormalname

I have no reason, downfalls or problems for why I want too do this to myself all I know is that I want too. Senseless right? I agree, though I have been battling with it since I was about 12 so everyone has a breaking point right? No one has any idea of what I’m about to do either. Some in the past have seen how I am but probably thought as I got older I grew out of it as if it were a phase. Well if you’re reading this any of you… it doesn’t really matter any more does it. I’m texting my […]

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Here goes nothing.

by broken_
written by broken_

I guess I’ll open up my story, for whoever wants to read i guess. For the past years, i have been in such a long term depression. (on & off.) I’ve never ever been truly happy, for no less than 2 weeks or to where I didn’t even know what sad was anymore. It’s actually the other way around, i feel like i can’t even tell what happiness is. Ever since i was born, my dad was a big alcoholic. Always came home with a brown bag of liquor after work, and always stayed in his room. Telling my siblings and I, that he was […]

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Lost and Unwanted

by orchid92
written by orchid92

I’m new here so I guess I’ll start with some history. I have three half-blood brothers, and one full-blood brother. I have one half-blood sister and a woman I consider to be my sister, but really isn’t. My parents passed away. My mother when I was two. My dad when I was eight. I was molested when I was nine. I lived with a very sadistic and controlling woman for about four years. I then moved in with my brother, when I was twelve. He taught me how to live, how to love, and how to be a good person. I’m now in college. I’m […]

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so at least i can’t self harm.

by Siren
written by Siren

I just moved in to a place where I can’t cut or physically harm myself in anyway. As dysfunctional as it seems, I moved in with my ex gf, her boyfriend, and their 4 kids. So on the plus side while i will still think about it, at least now I am in a place where I can’t talk about it, injure myself, or attempt suicide for now at least. Guess there is a silver lining in every cloud.

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To, What_Is_Love13,

by Kuzgun
written by Kuzgun

 To what_Is_Love13, the time will come when we shall all become angels,

just dont go on your own yet, for you are not alone.

what is love? love is you,

love is when someone reaches out and touches you..

~

Laura Elisabeth Rhodes

1991 ~2004

Laura’s Last words.

“I waited for my mother to walk in. “Laura, I am sick of running up and down these stairs,
now get up.” I would look at her
“What is wrong now?” “My tummy hurts and I feel sick”.
“It […]

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Am I crazy?

by Skop2011
written by Skop2011

some times I think I’m crazy. My mental status has been smashed into a million pieces. Some times I wonder if it’s normal for ur family to mentally abuses u. Some times I even think I deserve it or that it is ok for my moms husband to sexually abuse me. I’m afraid of the dark, I jump and shake when they are near, waiting to be scolded and told how worthless I am and how fat I am. How much I eat or don’t eat. when to sleep and how long. when I forget to do the dishes I’m told On how retarded I […]

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“Help me please…”

by helpmehelpthem
written by helpmehelpthem

My husband just told me its me against the word….that’s exactly how I feel!! I went into the cubord to get tylenol because I am sick and he yelled at me to “just take all of them everything in the cabinet! Now I have people telling me to kill myself??? My kids dont respect me and give me dirty looks. I do everyting for them. And work full time and go to school to make their lives better? I am tired of being laughed at because im fat and treated badly all the time. Now when I feel my worst I get a special request to […]

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I just don’t know what to do

by Alaric
written by Alaric

Hello,

I’m suicidal, I have an active plan and the means to carry it out.  I really am just tired of life.  I’m married and am concerned about the impact my suicide will have on my wife.  I am all she has.  Her family has basically disowned her because they don’t like me.  I guess if I’m out of the picture, she could go back to them.  I have paranoid schizopherina and major depression.  I’m medicated, but its like the medication isn’t working.  I try talking to my wife about my suicidal thoughts, but then she starts talking about putting me in a hospital.  I’ve attempted […]

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Why I feel the way I feel?

by N8V3
written by N8V3

I feel the way I feel because I feel nobody loves me butt it I probably not true at all I just now made this because I have to tell Simone guess how old I am? Ian only 13 and my parents are probably going to break up it I manly because of all of the stress going on in all of our family like from my dads side of the family everyone one of his sisters just broke up with each other so there children are staying with us and they just cry and cry and cry one is 13 months old he crys […]

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They want me to die, but I am afraid

by me123456
written by me123456

Can’t bear the pain of being so despised, by the people I need to give me strength. Antidepressants don’t work, have been taking them for years. I get admitted to hospital, and get pumped full of drugs, I am ok for while but then, again I am kicked down into the hole for another year. They tell me I’m being indulgent, but I just want to hide from the world. Have become a hermit, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t drive or go to the shop. 15 years in the hole is unbearable. I don’t believe it’s a medical issue, but the only response to the […]

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I`m insane. Really.

by catalinaandromeda
written by catalinaandromeda

it`s my dad`s death anniversary. I`m adopted. And my real dad…well, it`s his death anniversary tonight he killed himself in front of me. my dad, he shot himself. in front of me. When i was 12. Nothing much happened for awhile, I guess it needed some time to sink in. Then when i turned 15, i got hospitalized like 3 times for attempted suicide that year. There was nothing i wanted more than to just die and i was so mad cuz they wouldn`t let me. You know how it feels when everyone`s secretly blaming me…the kind of blame where no one really says anything […]

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Your just making me feel worse

by pookiebaby
written by pookiebaby

Am i really weak your wanting to die sometimes,… The most important person in my life said “your weak stop being a little fucking vagina” =((( i assked what if someone in your family killed themselves.. he said they would be remembered as weak.. i all i thought to myself was… im going to be remembered as weak now? Not good or kind or giving.. which i am very much so. Then he took it back and said talk to me whats wrong just tell me… and he know whats wrong but i guess it’s just so i can express my emotions and cry it […]

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