I swear, I have lead bones. they weigh me down. I promise you, I have water in my lungs. I drown all the time. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve never known why and that is the worst part. I live in a happy family and i’m the dark cloud. i’m the rain on their parade. I guess you could say I have a great life and looking at it from another point of view, I can see how that would be true. but I feel like I am dead on the inside. and I wish I was on the outside. I’m […]
They say happinnes is contagious.
Really? I keep being around people who are happy – and I feel freaking miserable.
This pic just kinda spoke out to me, don’t really know why..
Maybe some of you will be able to laugh a bit (and I guess that’s already a win).
But for me, I resign myself to being just like garfield.
if i get a reply i guess i can leave a suicide note i have tried to kill myself but i want to die slowly and painfully for many reasons I wanna make sure that people could look at my body and tell a story im 14 im a vivodin and oxycodone addict i was a cutter and atempted suicide allready my mind is twisted and tainted my demons keep me awake i embrace death i welcome it
The only place i really feel safe anymore is church, my friend andrew begged me for MONTHS to go with him and i caved in having given up on religion a long time ago.
Where was god when i got raped? Where was he when i asked for forgivness? To get past these feelings, to fight depression?
So i started going and i’ve started talking to a lady named candice, shes nice and is one of the youth counsulurs there. She knows a bit about my past, but i havent said much.. i’m scared their all gonna abandon me still. My trust, its so hard to earn.. […]
Boot777 asked me what my main problems are that cause my suicidal thoughts. I decided to make a post of it, so here it is. Well, there isn’t really one problem you can point at that causes the suicidal thoughts. Actually, there are a lot of things that cause them. I am not telling you all of them, because probably I’ll forget one or two and that’s going to be bored, so I’m going to tell the important one’s (I guess). I’ve been bullied from my fourth untill now. The worst part was at age of 11, 12 I guess. I was at elemntary school […]
Things keep on getting worse for me, I really… I really just want to die, and I don’t see anything for me in this life. I really don’t, I don’t see anything happening for me… I know if I go to jump right now, off my 14th floor balcony there will be no one to stop me… I guess the main reason why I haven’t done it yet, because I want to feel needed or wanted, or maybe a reason to live for and I don’t have any reason to live for. Â I just want to die badly, I really do. I can’t have a […]
right now as i write this im crying tears, and i dont know why. I want to tell my mom that i cut and that i am slowly falling apart, but if i do how will i be the strong perfect big sister and daughter that everyone thinks i am? I love my sisters with all of my heart, but.im going to break soon, and i dont want them to see it. I also dont want to call someone or some organization, because i know that i will probabaly just get put on hold. But i guess thats life? That brings me to a new […]
You forced yourself on me, along with your touch.
I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn’t get off.
I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I were somewhere else.
Wishing someone had been here to help.
But I was on my own, with you as company.
You were supposed to have been taking care of me.
I guess in your own way, you did…
As a child, I figured IÂ must’ve done something wrong to deserve this.
I must have misbehaved.
To have been punished this way.
Since then, time has passed
But I can still feel your cold lips,
And the rough touch of your hands
Why did you do this to me?
I wanted to […]
Before I start, here’s some background…clinically depressed 31 yr old female, on 30mg citalopram (celexa) for the last 3+ years, last 6-9 months been feeling progressively worse, last 3 months suicidal, changed to sertraline (Zoloft) 6 weeks ago.
at the moment I feel, we’ll, not much really, not happy, not sad, not suicidal. Uninterested I guess. I find it difficult to concentrate for long, flit from thing to thing, and can’t really say I get any enjoyment out of anything I do…not that I dislike what I’m doing – I guess this could almost be a feeling of contentment(?!) apart from one thing. I feel like […]
Im weak,weak person,i cant do nothing right!Im just depressed all of the time and yet i cant do it.All i see is darkness.I started to get this numb feeling too.I dont care if i wake up tomorrow.I dont care if i die today.It will be much better if i do die,but im not that lucky.I stopped trying.IÂ just want to stop existing.Everything was too painful.But then i got numb.I dont know whats better.Im sorry for this stupid post,but i had to let it out,i guess.
when you are REALLY tired, you always want the easy way out, its like listening to a scratched record over and over again when someone who thinks they know really doesnt know, and they try to preach to you. i remembered my mentally handicapped brother god rest his soul being tied to a radiator in the bathroom with a belt while my 22 yr old mother ran the street and left us, i remember being locked in a room for days with a skeleton key without food or water and being BEAT for sneaking out trying to find something to eat. i remember there being nothing in […]
I’m so old and haven’t really had a chance to live.
I was abused as a child by people I trusted. I was raped as a teen for walking alone. I married to young to a sadist who would drug and rape me.  He’d make videos and take pictures. But, since we are married,he owns me I guess. The police don’t care at all. He seldom left marks you could see.  I don’t remember conceiving two of my children.
So when I do leave,hoping for a better life I find that a year late everything is still shit and I just want to die. Â It wold stop all the […]
i guess I’ve had a good life, my family isn’t rich, but i feel alone. all my pets never lasted, most of my friends i never saw more than once. My parents, and one of my sisters, yell at me constantly, and i just feel like nobody cares. im bad at school, and at sports, and the only thing im even sort of good at is video games. i guess i just want a friend.
I go on this site, but none of my stories compare with the majority of posts here. I made a poorly planned attempt, I wish I had gone through with it, et cetera, but it makes me wonder, because there’s also that feeling of guilt when I am on here: What if someone kills themselves and I didn’t reply in time? What if I didn’t even try? I guess that’s the extremely selfish reason why I try to convince people not to kill themselves: I would feel too bad. Does that make me a bad person, and shouldI just hold that feeling in?
For the record, though, I lurk […]
first i want born. Then i started to grow. My parents spilt up before i was born. But my mother got remarried so i had always thought this man was my father until i was about 8 yrs old. Then i finally got to meet my real father. Little did i know my mother had gotten into some pretty hardcore drugs with the man i used to call my father. Finally they got dovorced that’s her 2nd divorce btw and she went completely crazy and shaved her head. me and my 2 sisters stayed with my grandmother while my mother went crazy i can still […]
I guess I’m going to be a regular to this site now. Hello, whoever’s reading this. You’re pain has become my drug. Your pain is softer than my own. I found this site about a week ago, and I just keep coming back. During school at break, at work when I have a minute… and now, when I have to wake up early and go to school tomorrow. I lay in my bed, poised to hide my laptop should my parents walk down the hall. I am here once more. Reading, and commenting, and now posting.
You’re pain is distracting to me. I hope to do […]
And as my pain settled over feeling lost, I started talking to my friend again. And I guess I got a bit pissed. I made her believe she hurt me 🙁 It hurt her and now she hates me xs
Why can’t I just deal with people the way I should ? Why do I always have to push away the people I care about. I’m a horrible person. I’m a horrible drunk, stoned, carving motherfuck. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself!!! I deserve to die 🙁 and if it weren’t for other people I can’t betray like that, I would 🙁
I guess I’m just your entertainment
Cuz my posts tend to rhyme
So for today’s show, I’ll dive to the pavement
And blow my brains out at the same time
‘Wow Nick, nice poem’
Is that all you’ve got to say?
No ‘Go out there and show ’em’
Just ‘I could read this all day’
Well golly sir, thank you!
Your compliment just changed my mind
I was gonna hang myself, but thanks to you
IÂ think I’ll be just fine
‘Well you don’t have to be a jerk
We were just being nice’
Sorry, but it didn’t work
And can I give you some advice?
Just because somebody is expressive
In a […]
I keep trying to get better, because everyone tells me that I’m sick. That I have a mental disease that can kill me.
So I try again and again.
But I always end up right back here.
I guess I belong here. With the sick and the troubled; the lost and let down. I’m just a sick person looking for what? Happiness? Self worth? Validation? I don’t have a clue. But I do know that I belong with the fallen. I’m here with the people who, even though they’ve never met me, understand me. I’m with those who have given up, who have realized that there’s nothing left […]
Why cant I be gone already? Why am I still here hoping for change when more terrible stuff happen? Why when i beg God to be dead the more bad stuff happen to me. I guess it just my bad luck. My life is to complicated right now but i keep holding on but then again there will be no change. But i won’t let go. No. Not now. Not when there are those few people that care so much. Not when i start feeling a bit of love. But then I can’t stop that thought. That thought that makes me hurt myself and i […]