when i was here last it was my birthday and i was quite certain that it was my last day . a lot has happened since then that i think you all may find at least interesting if not useful. i was quite determined to kill myself-had the means, a location(not going to mess up my own home), wrote instructions as to what i wanted for a funeral, gotten my affairs in order etc. i wrote here, told everyone what i was going to do, then left the house. got to my location, sat down and wrote in my journal, called my (then) therapist leaving […]
Tag:
home
To be this, I’m the last
Of the Lords, saving the underground
Just leaving behind
The Goddess, pure, like the wind
I seek to, like a blooming flower
I want to go, home
How do I conquer the destiny
I’m riding, the one, on the Rhino
Like that kid, that loves WWF
WCW, and the new, world order
Order, like the name
Only piecing this puzzle like picking the leaves
From the ground
I can’t take this pain anymore. I’m a young adult not even able to drink and my family disowned me. My boyfriend broke up with me and is already seeing someone else even though I still love him. I have no home and my only hope is to become a stripper to pay the bills and I’m not sure that’s even going to cut it. I don’t have a car either. I feel like I’m suffocating with nothing going for me. All I feel is so much pain and agony I can’t breathe.
I was brought up pagan and chose the pagan path for myself, one of the beliefs in paganism is resurrection. I strongly believe in past lives and that i have had multiple, i am an old soul. I don’t feel i am from this time, i think that plays a huge role in me not liking this life and all my hate of the new age. I always imagine how peaceful and nice it would be to just be in a village with my loved ones and friends, to be a mom and to clean and cook and welcome my husband back from his hunts. […]
I’m 23 years old and I have one year of college left. I am getting a double major in two major arts fields that probably won’t get me a job. I have absolutely no money and am completely dependent on my parents; living at home right now while I take classes. I can’t stand being dependent on them and constantly feeling like I “owe” them. They still try to control me in many ways. It didn’t bother me until this summer but now it’s really getting on me…I feel like I am suffocating. I am already depressed and the fact that I don’t even own […]
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Hi yesterday my husband came home late again when I called him he didn’t answer my calls so when he came I had locked the door so when I opened he started making noise at me when confroted him he told I had no right to ask him and their is no where was written that he only had to be with me n that I was also free to go out with whoever I wanted I got angry and asked if he wanted me to look for someone to take care and love me and my 4 kids he said that he was wondering […]
No one knows. Have made most the preparations needed; Sold what I can, other than my vice, the computers and gadgets. All accounts have a emergency access person and all info is waiting. And Have begun my… ‘Slip’ … ? out of this world.
My birthday is on a Saturday, so when I take my vacation for the following week, Things will be in place already for my replacement.
Bills will be paid through the month, and my arrangements have been made with the funeral home… that was tricky.
The method is still in question. But there are options.
For the trolls good and bad:
Who are you to say […]
3 months ago my fiance and I got into a fight and he pushed me. We had been together 9 years and nothing like this had ever happened before. We have a son together and he is truly the love of my life. I was freaked out when he pushed me and called my mother to come get us. This was the biggest mistake I could have made. The next morning I woke up in my mothers house still upset from the fight. She was being very pushy with me and ended up calling an expensive lawyer and the police without my consent. She embellished […]
I was scrolling though my calendar on my iPad, remembering dates. As I scrolled it seemed like life flashed before my eyes. Where did I go wrong? I have a great memory so I looked at all the months of my life (December 1983 till now) and counted the good times and bad.
I heard my first two years of my life was very chaotic. I don’t think I have any memories at all back then. My parents got divorced when I was two.
One of my first memories as a child was in the summer of 1986. My mother (who is a psychopath herself) was fighting […]
suicidal thoughts consume me…..
i feel like everyone hates me, nobody likes me…. whats wrong with me….
my lab partner decided to switch partners without even telling me – yes cause she doesnt like me…
everybody at work hates me……. im not even doing anything.
and now at home, he hates me.
what if im dead instead, ill be gone. for sure they’ll be hurt, shocked, and probably will move one eventually. but i will get my peace… forgive me Lord, you know whats in my head or what im feeling
i have nobody to talk to. even my managers wont talk to me. theyre useless. you cant even voice […]
Where do I begin with the shit excuse of a life I have to live? Where do I not begin? Well, my problems aren’t temporary…at least not all of them. It’s not something that some simple exercise can get rid of or basic makeup. It’s…hard to explain but it makes me wish my problems could just consist of being “fat” or having been molested, being poor, or whatever temporary pain someone is going through. Because in my opinion those are things you can overcome. They are permanent and you can make a change. What I go through everyday has been going on for years.
I’m 20 […]
(n) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.
Welsh word, and describes exactly how I feel
So I have no idea how I ended up on this site, from the point of browsing to signing up to typing this. But I know that, this’ll do as a distraction even for a little while until I can actually find a way to die.
I suppose people reading this are thinking ‘well, what’s her reason for wanting to die?’ and the thing with me is, is I’m just very very shit at trying to ‘adult’ my way through life. I’m gonna start from the beginning to the point where I either feel like I’ll post this or just delete it because my life might […]
Heres my story i just need to talk to someone.
I will be 24 years old in a few weeks. I have lost everything. The love of my life left me 5 months ago. Im in so much pain but thats not even the start! It was all my fault she left. I have been hurt by 2 girls in the past i didnt open up my heart to this one soon enough! I was scared to get hurt again! I took her for granted and put my freinds first. Because i felt the would be the ones here for me in the end. I have […]
I lie in bed, low, apathetic, empty. As usual. Like every day. Life hasn’t felt good since I was a child.
I’ve heard people say that suicide will not solve any problems and will only create a new ones. In my case, I think more problems would be solved that created. Of course, people close to me would have to deal with a loss, would have to burry me, which would be expensive, and then they would be grieving. It’s only two people that would have to suffer. I don’t want to hurt them like that, but I feel that me being alive is causing them more […]
I just booked a motel room in the Marina District of SF for a few nights. Gonna go visit my home away from home, the Golden Gate Bridge. Just a visit. We haven’t seen each other in a while and have a few things to talk about. I decided to drive over from Phoenix. I’ll be there in two days.
A clue about me…if I swear in a post…I’m in a reeeeeeally bad place.
I FUCKING hate this life! Why can’t I be a gun nut like so many in this country? It would all be over and done with.
Lyrics:
Gathered like sheep
Mindless like these walls
You’re expected to fit the mold
and kill with a blindfold
Devastated cultures
Justified by “protection”
This is how you win your elections
By occupying
These damaged homes
Generalized
To be a threat
To our privileged lives
Explain to me
The meaning of genocide
Cause in my eyes
That’s what I’m seeing
“So line em up
One by one
And some have fun
Killing everyone”
Who elected these right wing nuts?
With a bloodlust for every country that’s not like us.
(I tried hard to be proud of my service, but all I could feel was shame.
Racism could […]
So just had a huge blow out with my family. My mom fired me from work and I don’t know what to do. I always feel so alone when I’m home. Like I feel kinda invisible. They don’t need me. They have my cousins. They probably wouldn’t even notice if I died. I’m just a bother. A fuck up. They would be better off with out me. Maybe I should end it all. It would make everyone happier. I mean hell all I am is a disappointment.
Okay so I am brand new here and kinda awkward about it. But I’m going to use this as a place to vent and stuff.
So I am your average teenage girl, with a slightly disfunctional family.
I have never meet my birth father. My (now ex) step father is a pretty alright man. And my mother is a monster, I will get into details about her later.
I have many brothers and sisters, but only few whom I have actually meet, and only 1 that I have grown up with. My older brother (by 9 years) hes.. well I dont know, he doesnt exactly […]