I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 17 (I’m almost 21). There’s been early onset symptoms but I didn’t have a concept of depression until about 16. My grandparents all died really early. I’m the only child raised by my mom alone. While I care about her deeply in my own ways, she’s been verbally (and sometimes physical) abusive since I was 6 years old. She and I have very different temperament. When under stress, she blows up and goes ballistic. As for me, I just freeze up completely, and it would feel like my body’s constricted to the point that I can’t take […]
Tag:
Hopelessness
I’ve been wanting to kill myself for the past few days. I’m not healthy. I should talk to my psychiatrist and get my meds changed, but I don’t have the money to get new ones. I shouldn’t live. My moods flip-flopped for a day and then settled on depression. I can’t get out. Nothing is worth it. Not even my son, and he usually is. I can’t even cry anymore. How pathetic is that?
I feel like I always fall short no matter what. Skills? Nope, so and so is better at this and so and so is better at that. I have nothing that I excel at. I’ve tried to meet my parent’s excpectations for 12 years. All my hope is dripping away slowly everyday. No body needs me. My family has my perfect little brother, my friends have their friends. After all, I’m just a tiny speck out of a few billion people. I don’t feel like anybody cares about me, but then I could be mistaken. So far, the only reason that’s kept me alive is […]
It hurts inside. Doesn’t it? The pain of loneliness, failure, abandonment, disbelief, deficiency.
For years now I’ve lived life miserably. I have children that I love very much but I feel no good to them. Life is a chore not an enjoyment. The only time I’m “happy” is when I’m with a certain man that I can’t even have. That’s all I look forward to and now that’s being taken away. I’ve gotten help. I’ve been on meds and I’m currently on them. today I found myself looking up painless ways to commit suicide. I don’t want to take my own life for the simple fact that my kids won’t get my death benefits. However I can’t wait […]
I get tired of hearing that things will get better, just give it time, etc. Maybe they will get better or maybe they won’t, none of us can tell the future, but what about the time in-between? What about barely getting through the days and the nights, constantly hurting and wanting to die?  What if you just can’t take that anymore? I have waited and waited and waited and nothing has gotten better. Just when I think that it will get better for once, it all gets taken away.
I can barely get through everyday. I am constantly on the verge of tears. I cannot take this pain […]
in order to overcome it you have to have hope that you can. On an unrelated,and quite weird note, sometimes i think about something and then i think about thinking about that something and my brain gives up. for instance i’m thinking about writing this while thinking about the other times when i thought too much and made my brain hurt. Ridiculous.
The suicidal thoughts I’m having at the moment are extremely powerful and although I know I can’t do anything about them (I couldn’t hurt my family that way), I’m not sure what I can do to assuage them.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother and grandmother. As you might expect, myself and my brothers were neglected regularly, but only I experienced the full weight of the emotional abuse from my grandmother. My childhood left me extremely depressed, angry and hopeless, with body dysmorphic disorder, an eating disorder and little or no self esteem. When I was 18, my older brother committed suicide. His death threw […]
hello. im back. ive been gone for over two years, i thought my life was going great! i wasa loved and loving, hoped for and hoping, cared about and caring… i am 18 now. im not the same scared little girl i thought i was before. im a confident young woman… or, thats wat the world thinks… thats wat everybody thinks, i mean… thats the point, right? i guess u could say that i am on the right track? i have a good job, i have all the right connections, i have all the correct scores when it comes to the life test. i have […]
so i cut my first time yesterday night while listening to werewolves by cocorosie. i can handle havin all the effects tht comes wit chrons. ive adapted to tht, i never had to resolve to cuttin. it was my mom tht pushed me over. who would of thought, the person whos suppose to love u the most, based simply on the act tht u shared a body for 9 months. it was her, the mom whos not a mom. the one who said i had an attitude, tht i only think, only care about myself. tht im selfish and worthless, all i see is me. […]
Have  you ever thought about what would happen to the humanity in 60 000 years? Will we still be here? Will people be able to live the same way as we are today? Or at least those who aren’t struck by this hopelessness us depressed are in.
I have a theory. First, I wan’t to settle some things. I’m a realistic thinker and believe– No, don’t believe – I know we are here because of the evolution. I’m sorry to all those heavy religious people out there: I envy your dedication to Jesus, Allah, lions or whatever you believe in and trust, but I don’t understand how fictional […]
It has come to my attention that my disease is never going away. It is incurable. I’ve recently talked to a woman that is now 83, who has been on pills for this since she was 18. I’m 16. Never again can i spend the night, spur of the moment. If i miss too many pills they tell me my body will go into shock. That’s nice. I’m worried about my future, can i even have a child? I’ve researched that it may be complicated, depending. I have a higher chance for getting cancer. I have a chance of going blind. All these nice little […]
don’t read this
just wanted to say thattttt, well, not even feeling suicidal now, because I’m drunk, buttttt I understand how about 90% of you feel (after reading the posts as a non-member for a while) annnd i think this site is amazing. because when i was feeling these thoughts i was a lot younger (not that I don’t feel them now) but let’s face it when you’re younger you almost have to depend on your parents and it only worsens that feeling of helplessness when you can’t drive/escape because you rely on your parents’ money/support, etc. and when I was younger I didn’t have a […]
Hi. My name is Ashley.
I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old. I’m 19 now.
I recently got the diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder with a behavioural disorder due to drug and alcohol use at a young age.
Just over a month ago I gave up. I tried to commit suicide in the past but I never did it right, so naturally nobody took me seriously when I told them how I was feeling. This time was different. My lungs gave out, they had to do my breathing manually. When I woke up they sectioned me. I was put into my local mental […]
i’m new here, and found this website due to heavily thinking about suicide. i used to be depressed, and it was like an endless, black abyss; now i am not even depressed, i’m at the point where i am numbed out. nothing makes me sad, but nothing makes me happy :/ just a little background on myself. but i found this piece in an article very interesting, it’s a read, but worth it; psychiatrists put emphasis on 3 main factors of suicide.
thoughts and opinions !
——————————————————————————————————————-
Joiner is 47 now, and a chaired professor at Florida State University, in Tallahassee. He’s made it his life’s […]
As if the time goes “tick tock, tick tock†as if the seconds turn to minutes and the minutes turn to hours and then day by day the sun effects the way you live your life as if now….. You start to rot away!
You begin to write and you turn blank as if you forget how to breathe. You turn pale and flustered as if you turn and a train comes by and your life flashes before one eye…. Opens and you are starring into darkness.
You have horrible nightmares that make you never want to be alone. The darkness takes over your mind and surrounds […]
And again the cycle is repeated. The nights are the worst. That’s when the thoughts are prevalent. And what is it that stops me? It’s the idea of my body. No one deserves to find a loved one dead,especially if it’s at his own hand. Children need to live happy lives,not be scarred and tortured with gruesome images. No one deserves this pain. I want my life to be extinguished. The pain doesn’t matter because in the end I will succeed. The nights get colder and colder. My sheets aren’t enough. There is no warmth in my heart,just a void that never seems to end. […]
I would come up with a better title if that one didn’t fit so well.
I cut myself.
but cutting, to me, isn’t serious. It gets a larger reaction than it deserves and I just do it for sympathy. I never feel anything when I cut. I only feel when I’m laying on my bed weeping my eyes out until my tear ducts are completely dried.
I blame it on hormones, being a teenager, ect. I can’t take myself seriously. I don’t have a good reason to cry. Why do I take everything for granted? Why can’t I appreciate what I have. Why don’t I feel […]
i am in pretty bad shape too man….i can feel you and see how many you and me there really are, imagine the total grief and helplessness and hopelessness in this world man, it is enough to be a world in itself, maybe that is what hell is. maybe hell is the collective weight of all peoples’ failed aspirations, expectations and dreams, maybe hell is the all weighty almighty DREAM that was never chased. it just lies there, emptying slowly, its mass and thickness invading all that comes in its way, it comes inside you and me thijs, through the nose, close your eyes all […]
I was in love with this boy. He had black hair, bright blue eyes, and scars on his arms. He held me in his arms everyday I saw him. He grabbed my hand when he saw hopelessness in my eyes. He kissed me when I felt alone. What else could I have asked for? When we were in bed naked, lying next to each other, he’d kiss the scars on my arms. The bruises on my hands. The burns on my wrist. I was in love, so deep, that I would have never imagined the day to come that he’d no longer want me. Love […]