Guys i had adieu you all. I had said i will be cutting my wrist. But i faild. I was applying local anesthesia cream on wrist which is need to be applied for 1hr before cutting.. when i applied i felt like fading and i trid to handl myself and bymistek that cream went into my eye and mouth.. I felt like unconscious. And from last two days i was sleepy and i faild. The worst thing i think
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i was
For most of my life I wished i was never born. I’ve never seriously thought about suicide methods as it was something i thought i couldn’t do.
Last night i felt myself taking a step closer towards the act. Although I’m not quite ready yet, the thought of knowing relieved my pain a little. I could see an end to my misery, whereas before it was indefinite.
I’m not posting this because i need attention. I just have no one to say it to and i need it.
I don’t really know why i am writing this i suppose it’s because i want someone out there to know the real me before i go. I’m so hollow inside it hurts all the time i feel hardly anything about anything and i never really have i am always wearing a mask portraying the emotions i should be showing and saying the things im supposed to say, everyone thinks i have the perfect life since i just seem so happy when im just falling apart inside ever since i was young i knew i was different from everyone else so i just pretended to be […]
Lately my aunts been telling me i do or did things yeti have no memory of it, the other day she finally lost it and said i was just fucked up in the head and said she had to walk oug to resist beating the shit out of me. Thats all i remember but i woke up in the middke of the night my arm hurting and by the looks of it i stabbed myself with scissors. The next day i noticed the skin around it turning green, is that bruising from the impact or should i be worried, idk i just didnt know where […]
I want to die. Can i please just die i’ve been suicidal since i was 11 and i just want to die i’ve tried to commit suicide before but i was unseccesful i wish my brother hadn’t walked in. If he didn’t then all my pain would be gone.
I just want to die . You know it’ll be so much better i belive , no pain just peace.
No worrying about life and people surrounding me.
I can’t remember the day i was really fulfilled of happines .
Life became this scary dream that I can’t seem to wake up from.
Everything just seems to go over and over the same pattern everyday.
Sleeping for ever yeah, that will be perfect.
I was born to a drug adict that loved being passed around bars and biker gangs! No father. First 7 yrs in and out of foster homes, out only when she wanted to feel like a mother. Finally left at an orphanage. 2 years later adopted, it took them all of 5 yrs to realize they didn’t want kids( or just me). Back into foster ” care” for all of high school. Joined they navy, didn’t fit in. A dozen or so girlfriends all cheaters, boy can i pick them. 84 jobs before 30. In that time ( mostly as a teen) tried to kill […]
so my life started to begin to turn into hell when i reached the age of 4. my mom, who is asian (I’m not being racist, I’m saying that our culture heavily emphasizes the importance of education to the point its life or death, and i think that there is a limit but not according to my family.) introduced me to a tutor. i know that it doesn’t sound bad, but i promise you, its hell. I’m not the kid who complains about homework, not at all. as my life progressed, my family was a prideful family. too prideful. for example, when my brother started […]
nobody will see this note nobody sw my last one and nobody cared if they did see it. i thought this would be a great place to prewrite my letter to my mom it has to be perfect because what i did is not her fault. she did everything she could.
mom i love you with all my heart
i was just an average girl happy and cheerful. i began to get older and saw things are cold. life isnt what it seems to be. i said i was alright. i told many small white lies about that. i think im depressed but didnt want to be […]
this place seems kinda dead, but oh well. i’ve run out of good places to share my real feelings. i wonder if anyone here remembers me at all (prolly not). things are the same as they were before, except i’ve gotten more depressed and it seems like i’m also physically falling apart, although i’m only 18. my body does not work how it should, along with my mind.
last night i had what i can only describe as a panic wave or some kind of anxiety attack. it was just after 12:30 am and i had turned the lights out for bed. all day i […]
when i was here last it was my birthday and i was quite certain that it was my last day . a lot has happened since then that i think you all may find at least interesting if not useful. i was quite determined to kill myself-had the means, a location(not going to mess up my own home), wrote instructions as to what i wanted for a funeral, gotten my affairs in order etc. i wrote here, told everyone what i was going to do, then left the house. got to my location, sat down and wrote in my journal, called my (then) therapist leaving […]
I hate being black ever since i was a kid im now a 25yrd guy plus im short im 5″8 no body wants me. I tried talking to this girl but she said that she wouldnt date me becuase her mother didnt like black ppl and i could tell she didnt eather this is partly why i want to burn my color off.god cursed me with this ugly body now im going to get out of it by setting myself on fire
I have been self harming for as far back as i could remember. I think it started when i was about 10ish. I would bank my head against the wall to stop what ever was going on in my head at the time. I would love to see the bruises develop on areas I hurt. I was always known as the accident prone child. I remember one time i must have been about 12. I threw myself off my bike and scraped myself down a brick wall. I would try and keep under the radar by not making the injuries obvious. I progressed to cutting […]
Is religion real? if so, which one? i was raised christian, and i still am even after everything that has happened. I believe he was around to save the world. But many religions have key figures. What the heck? what does it all mean? does it even matter to try and figure this stuff out? does heaven exist in any form? Im poor, we dont ask ourselves these kinds of questions, we just try to keep living. I honestly dont want to live anymore (if i cant get my health issues fixed, or find a job), but what is the point of it all? i […]
I just shouted at a homeless who started talking to me.. to stfu and then 10minutes later my ex who is the reason I am this ready… with whom i was supposed to spend the night with… who i was picking up from work and was waiting for infront of her office for 15minutes then walks out and tells me she is sorry but her girlfriend just called her… i walked away not saying anything finding the first wall and started smashing into it… it hurts quite badly… búúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúút i love this feeling… it numbs everything.
May be triggering, but need help
so I am 14 going on 15 and i was adopted when I was 2 from ukraine (I was born premature, and then was dumped on the street by my mom when I was a month old) I was brought to the states and then my mom and dad started to abuse me. Physically at first and then when I was 5 my dad started sexually abusing me and my brother started when I was 8. This is continuing to this day. For about the past 3 years I have been suffering from ptsd and has had multiple suicide […]
I wish being good to him was enough. I wish giving everything I have to give was enough. I wish loving and adoring him were enough. I wish it wasnt all about looks and money. I wish I could be the one to worship him. I wish I counted. I wish he believed my love was real instead of desperation as he thinks it is. I wish he weren’t superficial at all. I wish I didn’t have to be without him. He thinks it’s unhealthy to love just one person… and I don’t think it’s anything close to love to want a dozen or more […]
I am fourteen years old. My father abondoned me as a child. I think of that a lot. why wasnt i enough for him. Why did he have to leave me? Also when i was a child i was raped. My family doesnt know and only one of my friends does. I deal with constant flashbacks. I see and hear things that arent there. i hear voices telling me to do things i dont want to do, to hurt others and myself. i see scary things and stupid things from monsters to birds. I am secretly gay and live in a catholic family in the […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbgdCzGfFt4
today we finished bringing all of my stuff back to my old room where i grew up, in my parents’ house. for two years i tried escaping this place, and six months ago i succeeded. then depression took hold of me once again, and now i’m back here. crushed between these four walls i’m hurt. i can’t handle the bureaucracy ending the contract of my old place. i am tired. i am broken. it feels like the world is slipping through my fingers. i need a quiet place to put my head for a while and forget about everything, and the old house isn’t […]
it has been many months since i last posted on this website and i honestly thought i was getting better. Then, BAM!!! life gets you down once again and you find yourself asking the same meaningless question : ‘why me?’.
first i lost my family and simultaneously i started to fail my modules and have my bursary tugged away. i keep trying. i keep trying to pull myself up again but i dont understand why i need to suffer so much. so far my career is all i have left but now even that is fading from my life. it isnt like im not trying or […]