I consider my depression a terminal illness. Some of us battling this illness, we know we will terminate our lives one day. We are basically just waiting to die, because we can’t be saved. The darkness inside will always be there, waiting to resurface . It won’t let us be normal. It won’t let us be happy. It’s like we are slaves to this darkness. We basically sign our lives away by taking all the medication, because once you’re on antidepressants, you can’t stop taking them or else you’ll really be fucked in the […]
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illness
Hello. I was born in a male body and given the name Michael.
I don’t identify as a male. Since puberty, my body has felt as if I had breasts and they were cut off. My penis and testicles feel as if they were stitched on. They’re always in the way.
I would really like to transition. I’d like for people to be able to see me as I see myself, and not the physical husk that I look at in the mirror every morning and every night. I would love to, but I need money, and time, and I need everyone to accept that I’m a […]
For English we had to write an essay making something personal into a public service announcement. Naturally, I chose mental illness. This is my personal aspect:
Self preservation is the body’s natural instinct to protect itself from harm or death. In times of starvation, a human will resort to cannibalism, or in times of extreme stress, our sympathetic nervous system will release adrenaline in a “fight or flight” response. So what happens with our brains fight with our bodies on whether or not to live? When the brain wants nothing more to kill itself off than the body naturally tries to keep going? Mental illness […]
It is always the same thing. Funnily, I should say, it is always the same thing. They pretend to care. They pretend to share my sorrow. They pretend to wish me the best.
But they just don’t care. They have their little own things to worry about and I’m not a part of these little things. I’m just contingent. And why (WHY?) would they care for someone who isn’t necessary? I’ve heard it a couple of times. I’m just the depressed and anxious girl they know and I need to stop worrying and to have bright ideas. Yeah please do tell a diabetic person to stop […]
10 years of gradual more mental ilness the more time has passed with an infinite maximum mental illness from a hernia losing sexual pleasure+lost childhood from anti depressant pills+alot of mental traumatization per mental illness+people being mean to me made me lose all my control of suicide homicide
basically,every suicide forum i went to made me want to kill myself more because they banned me for getting help to not kill myself
at this rate,theres a 2/3 chance that this very forum im posting this exact thing here onto will ban me and increase the likelyhoodedness of making me kill myself (due to me getting banned from […]
I’ve vaguely researched the effects of depression on the body. Most of it is things I know just from being depressed for so long. Like when you’re depressed, you have body aches, fatigue and so forth. I’m wondering if that could be the cause of my migraines. It’s more than that though. I feel like my body is shutting down. I wonder just how much the mind communicates with the body. Obviously there’s a link, but I think it’s a lot more than what I’ve read or learned over the years. I don’t think they understand the full impact depression and anxiety have on the […]
You stood there, stood there and start to slowly back away,
You said that those close to you didn’t think that speaking to me was healthy, that it had thrown your thoughts into disarray.
It’s not worth the trouble or the heartache they told you,
And somehow you decided that it was true.
“There is no reason to stay as she’ll never see things clearly.”
With this you pacified yourself, never seeing that it might cost you dearly.
I stood there, stood there forgotten and alone.
You had said that my stubbornness was something that you could no longer condone,
But stubbornness had never been the problem.
In order to reach you, I had […]
My mood took a turn for the worse this morning. Maybe the reality that I can’t figure out how to end my pain without dying. I don’t know. But then I read posts from people who think they have all the answers to depression and mental illness… Well, it is a beautiful day here in San Francisco. My cats are adorable. I will try to smile and forget my pain for as long as I can.
So we suffer, some of us not so silently.
We self-medicate, I need a couple cocktails in the evening. I have a friend who likes “reefer” (it does nothing for me.)
We (you all out there) also use sex as a drug (some of you anyway) to lose yourself in for awhile. Sometimes 10 or 15 minutes, in my case an hour and a half… 🙂 but it helps for awhile anyway. And the planning, arranging when to meet, where, etc. takes some time away from our collective misery.
Now I’m sure many if not most of you out there have heard the usual BS from your mental […]
I looked through some old stuff of mine today. It seems like the past three weeks have been about understanding around when hell began. I found a diary from when I was 13, seven years ago. As I read it I’ve noticed some minor symptoms of depression, so, the illness actually existed a long time before I knew it, but it definitely reached its peak two years ago.
I just joined the army then, and lasted four days. It was the purest hell I couldn’t imagine. Pain, all over. Not that physical, tolerable pain. Emotional pain. Nothing seemed important anymore. Not my family, not my life. Then, on the […]
Im not going, who else are skipping work and college/school because of this tiredness? I dont think I can face people, Im listening to slipknot and wondering about several things, I dont think I can make it, My college doesnt take it seriously everyone skips but they dont have mental illness as the reason, the weather is all suicidal… its dark outside and im in a mood of death
Everyone thinks they know best, exactly what you need and if you disagree it’s your illness. How the fuck do they know? I’ve been “ill” for 10 years and now everyone wants to tell me what I need to do. At the end of the day they can label you anything but you’re the only person who truly knows who you are.
Lost all motivation. Don’t care about my life. Only care about my cats. Battling mental illness for three years. Invested a lot of time and money. Ruined my successful career. Keep deferring start of graduate school at one of the top universities in the world because I can’t find meaning or purpose to it. Totally black-balled in my line of work. For my last job interview, a former colleague was asked to inquire with me as to my “mental state” right now. If one more person tells me that I have so much going for myself, I will just lose it. My entire family (except for […]
Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.
Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out […]
SP caged-clown, of hell. Come see me, my humility. If you shall, come free me.
You don’t have to touch me, you can pull me with these chains tied to my body.
If you may, help me destroy it, so that I may live or die, in peace.
The zero child is piety. Air, turn me into rain. I say please.
Leader of humanity, Mankind. In bow, I plea to thee.
My truth. My cards. Illness and death. Two burning towers.
Indeed, I see and feel the world from upside-down. Indeed, it hurts the most of all.
Warped. The child of piety. The next five […]
Hope you had a nice day. I on the other hand, I’m suffering from what I think is Klonopin withdrawal. While watching the fireworks I almost passed out and now I feel very short of breath and just… out of it. That’s okay, it’s to be expected, I think.
I think we need a day to celebrate freedom from this illness. If we ever become free.
depression is silent, it creeps up to you at first, and then all at once. Sometimes it causes anxiety, a mental disorder. I think it’s funny how most people say I don’t do anything for them, when in reality, I do much more. I fake smiles and wipe my tears to avoid them getting stressed, I don’t talk to them so they don’t have to put up with me, and most importantly I pretend I don’t have a mental illness called depression.
As the lines from one of my favorite songs;
“So what if you can see, the darkest part of me? Nothing can stop […]
yes, I survived, It’s been one year tonight since the paramedics revived me, I was dead for nearly 5 minutes, spent several in a coma – most days I wish they hadn’t revived me, my life has gone into a worse spiral since. I’m more alone now than ever and the process a year ago has left many distant and detached… but I survived, I struggle daily to stay positive, forcing smiles, false hope – but it always seems to be futile. I wonder if it really is all worth it, major depression, a neuro-muscular disorder, and an inoperable brain tumor – got lot’s of […]
I wonder if the structure of “modern” psychiatric institutions differed from actuality would we have so much strife… what is normal what is abnormal
would people be stuck in jobs that they hate, in bodies that they hate… equating body to buildings, buildings to religion… once I was a wanderer, coming off of forcefully ingested psychiatric medication, not wishing to pollute the earth with a vehicle I walked across town in 100 degree weather and needed a drink of water. Pressed a button on a church’s intercom to ask if they had a water fountain. They said no. Which is a lie, but Christians aren’t supposed […]
This is my last post here. I really cannot live with this illness anymore.
God give me strength, I pray. Deliver my soul to Heaven if and when I exit. Amen.