I heard this song on the radio again this morning. Last night, I was contemplating whether I’d do “it” now, I just fell asleep crying. Now I’m on my way to school with this song stuck in my head, it kinda makes me feel better. So yeah, Have a good day! 🙂
(i don’t know if the video would embed, i’m on mobile :P)
Today’s OCD thoughts are brought to you today by cheaters.
I have have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in and today o keep going over how it must feel. To be the person who has 2 ppl to choose from, a lot of times (in my cases) 2 people that love them.
I wonder what it’s like to have multiple people to love you?? I have never even had 1 person love me so it actually really is perplexing to me having 2 people love you or hell even WANT you. 9 hours this morning circling this idea in my head over […]
Its not suicide I’m scared of, its what might happen if I don’t succeed.
What would my mother do? Would she pretend that it didn’t happen just like when she found out I had hurt myself a few years back? Would she disown me? Or would she be there for me and get me professional help?
What would my friends do? Would they call me an attention whore? Would they completely bail on me? Or would they stay with me and help me?
And school. What would happen with school? Would I get looked down upon my all of my teachers? Would they not take any notice at the fact that […]
Sitting alone
In this empty room
Crying tears from the pit of,my doom
I promised before that I would stop
But the pain of my heart just ignores that stop.
Holding that razor in my hand,
Is the only way I can feel safe
In this land.
Heartless
Worthless
Mantra I say in my head,
no one will love you,
She says.
Blood streams down
down my leg
weight is lifted.from.my head
Just cut,
Deeper and deeper until
Yes I can feel no more pain.
My eyes close and
there is no more room for me to stay
My husband of four year hates me..
He has lost all of his patient.. He’s very short and snappy with his words..
Little things about me that used to not bother him make him go off
We can never have non-casual conversations anymore..
He raises his voice more often than ever..
His kiss on a cheek or him saying love you is just a daily routine but not out of his heart..
Now he only cuddles, hugs, puts his arm around me, kisses, or is sweet when he wants sex…
I feel like being stuck at a bottom of a pool but don’t know how to swim…
I know our marriage is ending, […]
I have absolutely no creativity anymore. I used to.
I find it difficult to express myself. When I try to focus on finding a good way, everything leaves me. Anything I have to say is just a basic, simple rambling of words.
I know you can’t force creativity, but I have no muse or motivation. It’s just me wanting to express myself effectively and I’m so terrible at doing things for myself, as I find myself unimportant.
It’s like there’s two sides in my head constantly fighting. One side is begging to speak and to be heard and the other side is saying whatever it has to say […]
These past few days I’ve been trying to stay as positive as I can. Thinking positive thoughts, trying to smile more (even if I don’t feel like smiling)But, it’s getting harder and harder to keep smiling, when all I want to do is the exact opposite. I try to say positive quotes in my head but it’s like my negative thoughts over power my positive ones, and I end up listening to them. How do I stay positive, when my mind is trying so hard to fight me? How do you guys stay positive? What makes you smile, when you’re depressed, and have no hope? […]
The time I started writing this. You’re supposed to make a wish at 11:11. In some ways, I’m selfish. I wish for a lot of things when this time comes round. And so far, I don’t think any of them have come true.
I still don’t feel comfortable in this fucking body. My gender makes no fucking sense. Dysphoria is a *****, and with fluid gender it fucking suck, because my body and gender never quite match.
It’s stuck in my head that everyone hates me. No-one bothers with me anymore, I’m just that fucked up kid that people put up with because I’m friends […]
I just feel so empty..I’m so tired of the same bullshit lines.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s a phase, it’ll pass.”
“It get’s better.”
It doesn’t fucking feel like it. Nothing will ever be okay. I’m just a waste of space and I have no purpose on this planet. I wish I could just disappear. I wish death was an easy process because this life doesn’t seem worth living. No one honestly gives a shit. I tried to reach out for help but I’m just laughed at. Ignored even.
“You don’t even have anything to be depressed about.”
“Just get over it.”
I wish it was that easy. I hate feeling this way. I […]
So I’ll give you a brief overview of my life.
I’m 14 nearly 15, I know I’m young and I haven’t experienced life properly.
When I was little I was so happy.. I hope so atleast. My life should be so happy ive got great friends and my family. Well atleast my mum my dad still cares but sometimes he gets angry. I know this girl who likes me and well she’s willing to end her life if I end mine, girls huh lol.
Anyways my depression started around 9-10 years old and no one ive talked to has felt the same way of depression. I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Goodnight sweetie.
Are there any monsters?
Nope.
In the closet?
All clear.
Under my bed?
Empty.
In my head?
Of course.
They want me dead.
I know.
Am I bad?
Of course not.
Then why am I sad?
Because.
Because what?
I don’t have an answer hon.
Well I’m all done.
Done with what?
The battle is over, the monsters won.
What do you mean?
They’ve already killed who I was.
Im quite , i hear them talking & laughing wishing i was able to do the same , but i cant im afraid . They talk louder i try to quite down the voices in my head so i can listen i hear them talking about a video they watched of this girl that attempted suicide & they were dying in laughter saying shes stupid and why would she do that its all for attention but honestly its not . Thats been said to me & all i could do is stay quite because noone listens to me anyway , if it was for attention […]
My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
Excuse the Selfie. I’ll explain why that’s here momentarily. Just bare with me.
How do you know if you’re falling?
Is it the wind rushing
Or your bones crushing
As you stop so abruptly
Is it the pain in your ribs
The numbness in your fingertips
Or the light fading slowly
How do you know if you’re falling?
Is it silent whisper
Or gentle kisses
Under the cover of the night
Is it soft touches
And sweet nothings
Almost inaudible sometimes
Which way am I falling
Am […]
It was my birthday, and I didn’t want to live anymore.
I had just been dropped off by two friends from a night of excessive drinking and supposed celebration the night before. Everyone was excited for my birthday. I didn’t know why I wasn’t.
I hadn’t slept. I had lost count of the number of white lines that hit my brain through the vacuum of my nostrils. The alcohol slumped through my veins and with the cocaine now wearing off, I felt heavy. I had been thinking the whole evening, during fits of laughter, drunken miscommunication, and naked strippers, about my no longer wishing to […]
I don’t know how long it’s been since I posted something here, but it’s been some time…
I should probably start with ‘hi’. I felt the need to write something today. Not for any particular reason, I just want to write something.
Things are… Let’s go with okay. It’s been a lot of ups and downs recently. Let’s start with the ups:
I’ve moved on to a new area of education, left some friends behind, and made a few new ones. It’s all for the better, these new friends seem to be better people.
I ahould be starting counselling soon, which is good, because […]
I had a great heart to heart talk again with the guy I love last night. It’s never totally serious which is nice. There’s jokes here and there and he does try to be as kind as possible. He says it’s a big cosmic joke, the universe is just fucking with us and saying fuck you both because he just can never feel that way for me or be attracted to me no matter what but I’m the closest person he’s ever had, that we get along the best, and he trusts me more than he’s ever trusted anyone. He started it, I forget what […]
I’m flirting with death since a long time now, but I really can’t find the courage to do it. I have made an attempt a few years ago. It made me lay three months in the hospital with major injuries. At least when I was at the hospital I had the feeling that my family cared about me. Now I’m spending every day on my own and I can’t stand it anymore. I lost my left eye when I was a baby and it keeps haunting me. I’m 21 now and the thought that people get like 80-100 years old really creeps me […]
Okay so here’s the thing, those of you who have read my posts before know that I’m against what mankind is making out of our earth and all the new machinery/technology that is being created. I’m a tree huggin-ground loving hippie, if you will. But, the more I’m in the city the more my hatred grows. The more I wish for some miracle to happen where it breaks down and destroys every bridge, building, house, tower anything. I don’t even want to walk outside my door anymore. Fuck I miss the country so bad you have no idea. (Random thing kinda) As I was laying […]
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