It is raining. I like rain. Not because of the cheesy saying that you can’t see the tears when it’s raining, but it’s true. You really can’t see the tears when it’s raining. But I have an umbrella, so if I cried, you would see my tears. Sometimes I feel so empty, I can’t cry, sometimes it just bursts out of me like a waterfall. Am I crazy? No, I think I am not. I don’t halucinate and I don’t hear voices. I am just tired, I have just given up. Given up on myself, on dreams, good things. Every day I put on my […]
Do you ever wonder what it feels like to have the cold end of a pistol pushed against the side of your head? Do you ever wonder what it feels like to suffocate inside of a car? Do you ever wonder about the endless feeling one feels while falling toward the end? Do you ever wonder how bright headlights are as they come barreling toward you in the dark? Do you wonder how a rope feels squeezing your neck? Do you ever wonder how horrible it feels to be poisoned beyond intoxication?
Do you ever wonder how that last breath feels? Do you wonder how stiff […]
Suicide runs in the family. Dad killed himself almost 8 years ago, then my cousin who most identified with did the same a year later.
I know have had some form of bi-polar with major depressive episodes throughout life, and for sure major anxiety, but somehow have always been able to pull through when times got bad.
I have faced the darkness and abyss of just wanting to die and slowly pulled myself out of it, maybe it was easier back then, being younger, in college, more involved in people’s lives, my mother still cognizant and father still alive.
Mom has alzheimers now, I uprooted […]
Really just feel stuck against a wall. I’m joined to someone who wants to fix me. Sure my emotions can be intense. Ups and downs, but I’m OK with that. I have my vices and quirks. I’m OK with those too. They continually force me into shoes that don’t fit, then go off when I express discomfort. They bleed all the joy from the little things in life, they work diligently to prevent the bigger ones. Then mock my misery.
They sit me down for “serious time” to get to a deeper level of understanding. History has proven that just refills their arsenal to use against […]
I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]
Trying to fight depression and fatigue. I’ve been taking ephedrine and caffeine to lose weight. It is helping but a side effect is fucked up sleep. I work in a few hours at a job i can’t do and will be fired from soon. I haven’t put in other applications or done anything with my business (web design I’ve only got 2 clients in the past year) or potential businesses i want to start (game/app design, and t-shirt company). Im just moping on my […]
trying to make it through, my friends try to help but there’s nothing they can do.
hurting so much I can barely move.
time goes by so slow. I look at myself in the mirror screaming no. the blade on my skin feels cold, but seeing the drip makes me feel bold.
my mom is too drunk to care
my dad isn’t anywhere near
my sister is already gone
and everyone wishes it was me.
all these doors are locked and she had the key
so I cut for her and I cut for me.
I can hear her calling. It’s time for me to leave..
Looking back on my posts from six months ago to recent, I can’t fathom how I was able to make it through my life. I am extremely glad I did though, because now I am less fearful than before. I went out into the world and face a bunch of my fears, did a bunch of things that made me uncomfortable, and now I feel like there isn’t much I can’t handle. I didn’t understand that before: that all you have to do is handle life. Take a deep breath, do your best and know that even if we don’t get that job, there’s always […]
So I’m planning to quit my crappy retail job in the next couple of months. I’ve been thinking about it most of the 3+ years I’ve been there. I live with my folks, and they’re hoping to move within 6 months. I’m thinking I’ll go with them.
I figure I’ll have to quit then anyway, and if I do it before the move, I’ll have some time to sort my shit out a bit. If I wanted to carry on there, then I’d either have to travel 4 times as far from the new place (which would be ridiculous for the length of my shifts), or start renting my […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m tired of this cold world. For you to reject my offered hand with a slap, you’ve made your point clear.
I’ll be leaving later but know this… I would’ve tried my best to keep you afloat. I wouldn’t give up until I got you ashore. I would’ve gave you CPR for as long as you needed. If none of that was possible, I would’ve drowned with you in the icy, cold water, instead of drowning alone like I currently am.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m going to trade this cold for something warmer soon… Even if it is burning.
You can try watchcartoononline.com. look in the movie section.
Finally found reasons to die…but not even one to keep staying alive.
This is such a f-cked up world.
In this page, I feel real freedom swirling around me. I can express whatever I want to say, and I know that I just often post or log in, like to be honest this is my second post since I joined last month. (It’s not as if I’m the only one). But oh well, doesn’t matter. Just found a reason to be online everyday. I’d probably be too noisy here than in the outside world, but who cares…nobody, of course.
I’ve had enough of everything. Literally, everything.
When I go […]
A good life – or – a peaceful death
A million dollars – or – for your life to end
The greatest love – or – an end to your life
Happiness – or – eternal peace in heaven
Just curious how badly does everyone wanna die?
If a genie came to you with one wish what would you choose?
To live life in the best possible way or to die in the best possible way
What would it take for you all to live more than you want to die?
I ask this question because honestly I cannot answer it myself
I made a friend in the last few weeks here on SP. A friendship forged out of mutual understanding of emotional turmoil.
The last time I talked to him, he was going through a very rough patch. He couldn’t deal with his pain and was on the verge of ending it. In fact, he had tried to make an attempt, but somehow couldn’t go through with it. I tried to talk him out of it. I doubt it worked.
I haven’t heard from him in over a week, and I’m really worried. I think I failed him.
King, if you are still out there, roaming the streets of […]
At this new job at my brother’s company, anxiety is always flaring up and up. Meeting clients is so much of a struggle because I try to leave my social anxiety and depression at home. My brother keeps on telling about the Lord and how he’ll save me et cetera
I just feel like I don’t belong and wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I can’t function like a normal human being. The boredom and repetitive mundanities of everyday life just render me powerless. Lack of confidence in self, in the world. I am generally fucked to the 100th degree.
I may be suicidal, but most importantly, it was this year when I got full on serious about it.
In other news I think I’m getting a fever.
Look, of course in the past I was suicidal and got a fever too, but this is different.
This year I am serious. And being sick right now is not what I am needing.
Urgh I just can’t take this. Why today? What the hell? I got a whole lotta stress too in school, right AFTER finishing the exams.Its just the most difficult to be seriously suicidal and get a cold because what the hell I want to die now more […]
Alright guys and gals, here’s my two cents. I’ve been thinking about offing myself for, say, two years give or take. I wasn’t really sure how I’d do it or anything, but it seemed the most logical outcome of my life and here’s why:
I’m one of those people who, for some reason or another, have been blessed (or cursed) with a high degree of sensitivity. Now, I’m not saying that I get upset over little things. Far from that, I let most shit slide. When I say sensitive I mean there’s always this intense emotion and love towards other people -that’s why I find […]
I am currently sitting around, midnight close, waiting for…
Well what?
I have nothing more to do but lie here reading other people’s life stories.
But lying down next to loneliness makes me write this message.
I don’t know what will come out of the following post, but I’m merely letting my fingers wander on the keyboard, awaiting whatever question is suddenly formed.
Perhaps this is a start:
How many of you felt depressed as a teenager (as I am one myself), and the situation never has changed, up to this date?
That you’re still constantly burdened with the same unending sadness from years ago, that still haunts you?
That you have yet […]
Here you go, Hazy.
The one that stalks around in the upstairs hallway doesn’t really look like this, but I think it bears a close enough resemblance.