I’m 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and I have been depressed since I was 12. I grew up with my Mum and Dad but my Dad passed away in September 2010 when I was 13. I actually saw him disintegrate in the hospital and it’s literally the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever had to see and that image will stay with me for the rest of my life. He had Huntington’s disease and was unable to look after himself as it affects his speech, movement and eating, he also used to jitter constantly. In 2013 I got tested for the disease and […]
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Every week my world gets smaller.
I feel isolated, and am drowning in hopelessness.
A few months ago I reached out for help at school. They sent police to my classroom that forcibly arrested me and dragged me out of the building. From there I was sent to a hospital in the middle of no where, where they never spoke to me but diagnosed me with a mulitide of conditions I dont think I have.
My whole life, being open and vulnerable were big parts of who I am. But since the arrest, I cant talk. I cant reach out to even my friends. All I […]
Been lurking on this site for a while. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was about 12. I really struggle to make it through the day because the thoughts are so bad . Probably sounds pathetic but my appearance is the main reason I want to die it’s become really hard for me not to check myself in the mirror frequently am especially self conscious about my hair which to me always looks crap no matter how hard I try , even when I get it done by a professional it still doesn’t look good enough to me. I have been to […]
I’m killing myself before I go back to school. How? I don’t know. I just know I am. Everything is just adding up to being a crappy year. I’ve had so little to hold onto. Depression has hit me like a semi truck, anxiety the wheels that ran me over. School is terrible, I pushed my friends away, my ex gf got cancer, and to top it off, we were supposed to go on a skype date but she fell in love with someone else. So yeah. I have nothing. No will to live.
To my friends: no. This was not your fault. Many of you […]
I’m a 22 and a senior in college. I have nothing to look forward to in the future. All of my friends have their planes ahead of them, me not so much. I have aspergers. (form of autism) and I don’t think my friends realize that. For example I literally feel like I’m a failure and I will be for the rest of my life. These past two months have been hard. Just recently my friend actually best friend had a confrontation. I hate confrontations because its just usually bashing me and everything I have done. Like they are graduating and I’m not and from […]
It’s literally 5am and here I lie in bed… Just overthinking. Not even music is helping clear it all away. Maybe if I write it down it’ll go away.
What am I even doing anymore? Seriously, what am I doing? I’m seventeen, I start college in the spring, I have to do the dishes before everyone wakes up… Sure that’s some things, but what do I need to do to make my life fulfilling? Is it just an endless cycle or is it really going to change some?
Why do people fall in love? I think I’ve ranted about this before on here, but seriously, why do […]
This time of the year is literally so hard. It is hard for me to concentrate. I hate making excuses for myself but I just try to close up this time of year. Daddy has been gone for three years now and it doesn’t get any easier. I miss him so much. There are so many anniversaries this time of year. Nov. 29th, 2012, the day I had to call the cops on my own mother because she tried to fight me in the street. Nov. 30th, 2012, the day my daddy died in my arms. Dec. 8th, 2012, the day I planned, all by […]
Have you ever heard of feral children???
Feral children are those who have been adopted and raised by animals, which means even if they are brought back to societythey will always been impaired people why?
“Feral children lack the basic social skills that are normally learned in the process of enculturation. For example, they may be unable to learn to use a toilet, have trouble learning to walk upright after walking on fours all their life, and display a complete lack of interest in the human activity around them. They often seem mentally impaired and have almost insurmountable trouble learning a human language. The impaired ability to […]
It hurts. It really does.
It’s becoming harder and harder to stick to the plan. But I know I have to. I also know that I need help. I need some attention. I need them to realise that I’m suffering.
I can’t fake it anymore. I can’t hide what I’m feeling anymore. I need someone to notice.
I’m not good at talking and letting out what I feel. I just freeze whenever I have to divulge my feelings.
It fucking hurts. They just will never understand.
I know what I’ve been thinking is wrong. I’m contemplating an attempt in the next few days, or tonight […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kItuXocJUwk
Whispers in the wind do I only hear when you’re not here
I bought you flowers so a petal falls every time my pedal hits metal
For every risky move I breathe in a soft wish for death
But you already know that…
I ask for nothing but peace for you as your memory lays 6 millimeters under
May the wounds of your fathers stop in the afterlife where answers come
I wasn’t the best grandson but may my intentions and good heart be plain as day
But you already see that…
There weren’t always obvious roads to take in the clouds of confusion
Paths I rejected accepted me wholeheartedly until I was too […]
I wake up in the morning feeling anxious. It gets so bad I feel physically ill. This causes me to miss a lot of work because I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything, and I’m not feeling well. I miss work from this, plus the days I’m sick from other reasons. So it adds up. T and Z believe I’m faking because I can appear fine today and be out tomorrow and come back the next day. They don’t know it’s from anxiety though. I just tell them I’m sick. They wouldn’t understand if I told them the truth. You could tell me to […]
My friend came to visit; I invited him because I was so depressed and lonely. But now I don’t know if I can handle it. He tells me that “there’s so much more in life that’s beautiful” or other bullshit that I really am tired of hearing.
It’s not that I can’t get over my ex, at least enough to function- I’ve had about a decade of practice of being functional (at least the minimum) while being incredibly depressed. I think that’s one of the reasons my ex said that I was strong. Recently, she said she was the weak one in the relationship when I […]
Your life fucking sucks. You don’t really mean anything because compared to how many other people there are in the world you’re nothing, and compared to how much time there has been and there will be you’re nothing. And yet you go through so much stress and pain and crying. So your life pretty much sucks ass. And you’re a fucking jerk because other people have it way worse than you. Some people don’t have parents. Some people don’t have a home. Some people don’t have anything to fucking eat. And you’re always whining “I’m depressed, I’m not loved enough.” You are pathetic. You deserve […]
It’s a beautiful December day, nearly two and a half years since you left me. And here I am, missing you again. I wonder what we might be doing this day, if you were still here. Maybe we would be in the driveway, or at the shop doing a charity job. Or maybe we would be inside, tangled up on the couch watching an old western. Or maybe we would be sitting at the kitchen table having a beer while you picked your guitar. I miss your music so much! I still think of you all the time […]
Guys i need to share this with someone. On the 4th december around 10 pm I took 160 pills of paracetamol with half botle of vodka. It was 72g of paracetamol. I read that 12g is lethal. Anyway, I passed out and woke up at 5:30 am covered with vomit. There was vomit everywhere, even inside my fridge ( i guess i was trying to drink water). How can be possible someone walk while inconscient. I really think God saved me. At 7:00 a.m. I went to the ER, I was vommiting, sweeting, I had fever and I couldn’t think clear. I stayed 4 days […]
Just came from work, and im wondering how funny things are you know.
How pointless can we get, how hard it gets when one way that you can get conforted to live is that you know that you can die tomorrow somehow, this is sad, and deep, and it hurts.
How hard is to keep going when you got no proof of nothing , when you know that you can be great or nothing, but the only thing that u are sure is: u failed hard and you lost the light, is not only a loss, is even worst, is part of you, the living part?
And to help […]
I know what I’m about to say is nothing new or profound, but the hell with it. We are all made of atoms that have been around for billions of years. Every year over 98 percent of the atoms in our bodies are replaced. Think, all of us have atoms in our body from almost every human being that has ever existed. When we die this enclosed system of exchanged atoms that comprises our perceptions of ourselves ceases to exist, but the atoms themselves will still exist.
It really makes me wonder, does it really matter that I kill myself? I obviously don’t believe in the […]
Life was new
All to see; all to hear
All to feel, all was real
Then there was a bend in the road
The stars come out
With wonders and thrills
Miracles and spectacles
Then another bend in the road
Dreams and love
Hands in hands
An embrace; a kiss
And yet another bend in the road
Time and age
Love is now rage
Peace becomes pain
Then again, a bend in the road
No path remains clear
No wonder just fear
Seeds have been sown
Now, my load is end of the road.
It’s Hard
It’s hard, nearly impossible, to describe the way one feels when they are with her. It cannot be grasped from a single emotion or moment in time, but comes from knowing her. How when you talk to her, you can be honest, but you cannot be ignorant. Or the little jokes and common things that always seem to be there. A humor with the occasional sadistic twist. Difficulty to make her smile, even in the best of times. Her insistence on making everyone wear a seatbelt in her car, no matter what the distance may be. Something that isn’t quite being cold, but isn’t […]