In your arms I became mercurial writhed like a diamond back in the bleakness of eyes that seemed sulphuric, traveling through me, in me we bathed in incense and the colour of each other danced as though invented for the moment with dark longing breathing eachother in quiet desperation and you were beautiful in your honesty and I multitudes stinging in each movement that we echoed somewhere between lives and I wish I could’ve stayed to burn alive.
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Hate is what we possess there is no other way scapegoats got us no where captured as the lies within us we’re trapped nothing in between us go on, come closer follow my soft spoken voice, I dare you I can almost hear you breathing in silence your heart beats touched by the cruel chill of your presence I’m burning, fading into dust of ashes blowing in the wind you’ve ripped me apart covered with pale white shrouds being deprived of your absence has ordered my withdraw I am no longer searching left alone lifeless goodbye my love, I hate you.
Travelling on a train I wonder how many of my fellow passengers suffer from suicidal thoughts; who, like me, had considered jumping under the train instead of getting on it.
In the supermarket I wonder how many of the other customers suffer from depression; who, like me, had difficulty getting out of bed and motivated.
Walking down the road I wonder how many of whose walking past suffer from social anxiety; who, like me, just want to be hidden away indoors instead.
How many others are there who suffer in quiet; ripped apart on the inside, but silent stoicism on the outer; I wonder.
If you’re still out there, check your post from 12-12-14 for a comment from wth_ami that he added on 12-31-14. You and I seem to be “in the same place” and his comment applies to us both. I hope you are still with us, and just haven’t been posting. Its strange that I don’t care what happens to me, but after all you have apparently done for your family and country, I think your death would be a tragic waste. If anyone else has had contact with rea3366 can you post some info?
Slowly the hunger sets in burning and eating away at my sorry empty selfish soul… How did I get here… The cold is taking over and yet somehow it’s so comforting… So I’ll lay here in the dark my mind spinning itself into 10,000 tiny knots I can’t unscramble… Fucking get me out of this hell!!! Please I pray he will get so angry that he’ll just decide one day to finish me off with his bare hands… Kill my body like he’s killed my soul.. Please fucking kill me! Kill me now! My burdens will no longer be yours when I’m finally resting in […]
It’s not only a reminder of how fucked up my life is, it’s also a blow in the face having to talk to those family members who will call me asking me how I’ll celebrate and how many friends I’ve invited and how much fun I’m going to have. They know nothing. And the fact that that hasn’t changed in the last years only shows how much I mean to them. Exactly, pretty much close to not a tiny bit. The only thing I wish for my birthday is that I don’t have one. Just leave me fucking alone and stop pretending you care.
Hey, sorry its been a while since I last posted on here It’s been busy over on my end with the holidays, work, and finishing the college transfer process….
I start at my new college on Monday I’m double majoring in Broadcasting and Art Therapy. I loved my old college but with what happened my freshman year even if I remained there I would never move up and be happy in what I want to do. I truly hope the friends I made there will understand why.
So pretty much I am starting off with a clean slate and a new chapter. Its kind of funny cause […]
Maybe this is my suicide note, maybe it’s not. I don’t know yet. I’m tired of feeling like there isn’t enough for me. I feel like I’m an accidental extra. I’m somebody’s mistake that they didn’t feel like taking care of. Almost 19 years ago two stupid idiot drug addicted teens decided they wanted a baby. 19 years later here I am wishing they hadn’t.
I will admit that right now there are a lot of things for me to be happy about.. but I think I’m too far gone. Too apathetic to them. It’s not enough. I try so hard to hold on to them. […]
I just found this website while I was quite depressed and just thought i would give it a try sharing my story here because I really don’t know who I should trust for now…
To start with, I’m a guy in mid 20’s. My childhood wasn’t that great coz my dad used to beat the crap out of me almost everyday for all his pressure he faces in the outside world. My mom is timid and has to support my dad always even if it has to be over me.
I just wanted to leave them away so I went to pursue my graduation in a foreign […]
I know it’s not entirely natural but is suicide somewhere near natural selection? It’s all about weeding out the weak and those that either have no more use to the environment or aren’t able to survive anyway. Not all people committing suicide fit this category but I do.
I thought about this today – when I get the courage to end myself, I’ll take my genes with me right? So no chance to reproduce (not that I ever would have the chance up any way) but in a way that’s just evolution doing its work. My weak and pathetic physical genes will be lost, my […]
Thet is hard to imagine, in the thick of a depressive moment that emotions can lift and the depression can leave. After years and y,ears dealing with my depression, I find this is all too true! But we must remember, esp in the middle of an episode that it can change and it can lift!
This morning started out rough, last night’s depression continued to linger. I HAD to go to work, I wanted to go to work, but my heart was really back in the muck. So much so that when a lady asked me for a ride, I was mad. Oye. Not like me. […]
I am not normal… well lets face it is anyone truly “normal”? I’ve always had problems as a child with bullying I never really had any friends as well, no one I could really trust anyhow.. I was always to myself very secluded and alone… Then just as I thought things were looking up for me…. everything fell right back down with no ladder to climb out of.
It was my sophomore year of high school and I finally felt for the first time in a long time I belonged somewhere, I fitted in…
I even met these two girls, and at the time I thought they […]
Today is my 19th birthday… life isn’t appealing. I started feeling depressed after I moved when I was 10. Now, almost a decade later it hasn’t vanished. I’ve tried solving my problem but I can’t seem to discover the cure for lack of motivation. Everywhere I search the answer is to apply myself to a goal, pursue my dreams. How can I do that if I have no such things… What is worst is that everyone has the highest expectations for me. I’ve been branded genius by psychologists and could’ve pursued any career I wanted. This year I entered my country’s most prestigious engineering school, […]
My life has truly been a rollercoster these past few months. Ups and downs left and right ….. I wish I could see where my future would take me to see if its even worth all of this constant heartache. Every time i take one step forward I feel like I take 5 steps back…. I had a child with who I thought was the love of my life, he was cheated and lied to the most with in the first 3 months of being pregnant …. I decided to take a chance and leave him to look for a happier life…. That has lead […]
Hey again. So most of you guys said to try to talk to my parents and possibly change schools or go to a counselor. Good advice but what I left out was I would talk to my parents, and they really would try to help me as much as possible, but they are the kind of parents who would be super concerned and constantly on my case. They are like that even when I’m just sick. I know some of you might say they might be calmer or understand, but they just don’t know when to let it go. I feel like telling anyone will make […]
so I told you to look up , look up to the sky but I never said to say goodbye. You got those scares across your arms you know what’s wrong but not what’s right. As you smile in the moonlight I turn around (drip drop ,drip drop) are you okay? I’ll come back another day. Are you OK are OK are you okay ? You tell your mother that you’re fine you tell your friends that you’ll be alright you’ll be alright as you look at me and I look at you I could see the darkness shining right through so I’ll ask one […]
Every day of my life I think about suicide, even just in passing. I hear people talk about it as if the know a damn thing about how it feels to prefer the inky blackness of the nothing that comes after death over life. I have one person in this world that keeps me going and some days she’s what gets me up in the morning. I can’t be certain I deserve this fate or that I don’t deserve it, but I am aware that I have no choice in the matter. I’ll explain why I’m here in the first place though, I am an […]
The nowhere, is a place that does and doesn’t exists. Like most things, it’s in the mind; but it’s lives in every moment of your life. A special kind of void/emptiness exists in the Nowhere. Void is emptiness itself, Nowhere, is full of emptiness. all it’s emptiness stops you in your path, then diverts you into another road that is leads to another “emptiness”. Like the the universe, the emptiness is endless, unlimited, vast and unrestrained. And like the universe, it’s full of chaos, and only chaos. You want it to be more like the universe that has stars, planets and at least one planet […]
Hi there,
I spent the past 3 or 4 months feeling suicidal, I attempted 3 times, the last time being a month ago. I had to have my heart restarted and spent days in the hospital and days after that being seen by specialists. The thing is I was so certain I wanted to die and that if I didn’t succeed somehow I would try it again. I even put in my note that I would try it again and again until I succeeded. But something has changed, I can’t explain it, I don’t have suicidal urges anymore. I don’t even think about suicide… at least […]
Fear is my problem. I’ve always thought that I have the mind to be dominant in any venture I choose, if not for my withdrawn nature. ‘Shy’ has been my label for as long as I can remember, but now it’s apparent to me that fear is what holds me back. I’m completely crippled by fear, unable to make life progress that involves going outside my comfort zone. I should note that the psychological blocks in my mind are really the only thing the matter with me; I live a pretty charmed life. Everything I want is within my grasp, I just need to find […]