I’m slowly eating my self fat again fuck my life I just come to terms with that I got a eating disorder now I’m binge eating and I can’t stop it’s just one thing after the other please kill me now I can’t take this shit no more
its that fucking void inside that fucking void always needs to be filled with something anything to fill it what a that fucking void it’s a empty space deep inside me but I don’t no what it is but I do no it dose what ever it takes to be filled u really do hate myself
I feel such a burden for the things going on in the world, in the US, in my community, in my family, in my church, in my own mind. I no longer feel capable of carrying it. It’s ripping me inside out. I can’t take the pressure or the pain. It’s all around me and inside of me. I can’t ignore it, but I can’t bear it either. This dread is eroding my spirit.
I haven’t been doing OK,
but I have been feeling, “OK”.
And I wonder why. Yes, I am still suicidal, crying all night and day, cutting everyday.
But, during the days and nights, I haven’t been feeling, “numb.”
I have been “OK”. I haven’t felt a deep dark pit swelling inside of me. I think I realized how fine I was recently after reading posts here about how some people are very sad at the moment.
So whats the change? Why am I OK?
I’m not sure. However, I do notice my happiness comes from wondering about suicide.
As some may know, in a month I plan to end it all. And […]
So, last few days been extremely hard. Like almost enough to end it all hard.
I stop at McDonald’s near work for a drink. She has it ready before I get inside. Seen me coming.
So for dinner, I stop at a McDonald’s out of state but a semi regular stopping point. They have my drink ready before I even order… and it’s free.
Point #1 I go to McDonald’s way too much
Point #3 I really feel like I’m “somebody” today. Now.
The first time I was like huh, that’s nice. The 2nd time I’m feeling all stupid and giddy.
So, to the girl at McDonald’s in Indiana […]
i talked to my parents about me, about how i feel, and that i want to see a psychologist because i feel like i am dying inside but i wasnt strong enough to tell them that they were the reason, i feel this way because of them, i’ve figured it out. They are the ones fucking up my life and i hate it. i have figured that im completely happy when they are not around. But after i talked to them, it became worse, now they are all the time around, they dont even let me go to the freaking bathroom more than 3 m, […]
This song reaches out to those of us who have been told that they can’t do something, or to those of us who have had their hopes, dreams, and hearts ripped out. You can keep going. Inside all of us, there’s a warrior <3. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
As some of you may know, I recently had a miscarriage. I feel terrible and can’t seem to get over it and my family is not helping at all. My dad and my brother call me fat literally everyday and my father is forcing me to go to the gym so I “get fit” or whatever. That breaks my heart. They don’t understand that the extra pounds I have and my tiny belly reminds me of my baby, and I’m not ready to let that go. I don’t care about looking hot or being fit right now. Plus, my mom basically keeps me under house […]
Some days your fine and the next your so broken… I seriously don’t know what to do I have a lot of anger inside me I hold everything in cause I really don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve been looking at the site for about a year now and I finally joined yesterday and to be honest im so glad I joined. I would talk to my best friend but I feel like she’s tired of hearing me or sometimes I just like to be alone I just shut people off idk why… Today I wokr up thinking positive but now that the day is passing […]
I sit here with thoughts of suicide swirling around in my head.
I don’t know if there’s a purpose to my life; why was I born.
All my life I’ve wanted to be loved; no one has ever wanted me.
I feel such loneliness, so empty inside.
I wish I could cease to exist, I don’t want to live anymore.
I hate myself and wish I was dead.
🙁
I really hate myself I hate my self image in 2012 I was 14 stone for my high I was fat I’m 5 ft 5 so I lost all when down to 10 stone from being depressed and not eating now I can’t stop eating again and im puting it back on slowly I’m depressed already and that’s depressing me more see I keep trying to fill that fucking void inside now I’m filling it with food for fuck sake why what is that void it’s always been there I don’t no what it is but I no I need to make sure it’s filled […]
its weird how a few cuts to the wrist can take away so much pain from inside can distract my mind from eating me alive for them few moments everything is ok I’m in control I feel alive its proberly the only time I actually feel comfortable with myself until I stop all my problems seem to go away but the demons will be back soon And il get lost in my thoughts once again
Today has gone kinda of smooth felt shit waking up and most of the morning then afternoon seemed to level out now at home and can’t stop fucking eating maybe it’s the anti depressants ? Or am I comfort eating ? Or trying to fill that void inside there is always that void inside I don’t no what it is but I no I always need it filled with food drink sex etc why is that void there what is that void I really don’t know but I really hate my weight I’m not over weight I just think I’m fat but I’m […]
How do you survive when the enemy lives within. When your brain and emotions are the are the very things that are eating away at your essence. When you silently screaming yet no one can hear you or even begin to comprehend the dark thoughts roaming around inside you….
I don’t want to build a spaceship that travels at the speed of light or create replacement organs. I don’t want to figure out a clean abundant power source or a better way to grow produce either. I don’t want to do any of that nor do I want to participate in this stupid Capitalist system. I really don’t want to explain how socialism is not the same thing as communism and why a socialist president would benefit a semi-Capitalist America.
I don’t even care about the fact I was a guinea pig for now-commonly-used prenatal devices in Cali or the fact I helped preserve my […]
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]
– “I’ll kill myself. I’ll kill myself i’ll kill myself i’ll kill mmyself and soon.”
-“I’ll call the police on you
Dont even think about trying.”
———-
Last night I had written to a friend (a used-to-be-friend.), saying I’d kill myself and soon.
Today, I had received the response above:“I’ll call the police on you.”
…Thanks, I appreciate the scare I received that rose up as I had read it.
—
Why did I admit it? It was because of a spark; an anxiety attack that led me fearful and alone to the point of solely being capable of admitting it. It was because I needed someone then. It was at the […]
I know a girl
She draws on
her skin
with blades instead
of pens
It all began when
she was eight.
She wondered why?
Why would he look at her like that?
Why would she let him?
She often thought:
“She loves me”
But deep down
She knew
It was
A lie
She’s never loved her
And never will
The only one that
Truly loves her
Is Mr. Sharp.
He makes her happy.
He helps her forget about THEM.
When her skin
Rips open
And her demons
Come out…
Oh there’s no better
Feeling than that.
But the feeling goes away!
“NO! come back!” she yells.
But not even
Pain wants her.
And that hurts like hell.
People always believe
The “I’ll kill you” stare
And the “go away “routine.
Because nobody
really cares to
see what’s
left inside
To look into her eyes
And see her […]
I keep trying to fill that void inside
it feel like life is just passing by
looking in the mirror iv totally lost who I am the cuts relieve the pressure
can you save me from my self
I’m scared. Everything is getting worse, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Everything is getting too much.
I’m ill again. The Angels have said I’ve been poisoned with something which also works to lower my immune system as well. The Others are going to make me suffer for as long as they can.
Speaking of the Others, they’re everywhere. In every street, every shop. I haven’t gone out in days. I’m not safe anywhere. They watch me during the night. I close all the blinds, all the curtains. I lock every window and door. I suppose I […]
Faced some harsh truths this weekend. I’m probably just as, if not more heartless than I perceive those around me. The deep angry hatred for everything is growing. I’m conflicted. How can I be so full of hate and be so empty?
I’ve committed some unspeakable atrocity. In the name of self righteous vengeance. The sad reality, I’m not capable of hating anyone more than I hate myself.
My, wife, surely abuses me. But I guess I deserve it. I’m a terrible person. I’ve done and do despicable things. I have nothing good to give anyone.
I tried to kill myself long before her. I will again whether […]
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