I grew up in the church. Hell, I should say I was the church. At many of the churches I attended, my five older siblings, my parents, the pastor, and I made up the whole congregation. But that didn’t matter. Because the God I knew and loved was there. He was in my church, he was in my thoughts, he was in my life… but somewhere along the lines, one of us left. Now, it’d be easy to point fingers and say that I left. After all, I’m the human being shaped in iniquity, and He’s the all-knowing God. But me? Why would I leave? […]
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I’m a 20 year old girl, i have a job i don’t miss a day, i have no real friends i spend all my time playing computer games and thinking bout what i am gonna do to change my life so ill be happier but then i remember who i am and how its worthless trying to fix myself when i cant be fixed i was teased through high school we were kinda poor so i couldn’t afford any nice clothes i wore so many handy downs u could tell i was poor i was a loser i still am i dropped outta high school […]
I really don’t know where to start with this,I often go online an look at other people’s s thoughts about suicidal thoughts as I like too help with advise. Never thinking it would happen too myself recently I have had more an more thought about it as my life seems too be going down a downward spiral. I am male 20 years old list my childhood friend last year he hung himself over difficulties of life and losing him has been torture. I recently lost my job(unjustified)sacking yet no one will listen too me! Was a great job and has broken me too pining of […]
I have to ask… am I an ideal suicide candidate? My family life has all but gone to shit (and trust me, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING to change that around); I have a job that makes me miserable and I’ve had enough jobs to know it’s not getting any better out there. I can’t afford school ( I’m 22) and I don’t know where I want to see myself career-wise. I hate the way I look, despite compliments, which seem more like desperate attempts from friends to raise my self-esteem or from guys to get in my pants. I could go on… I’m serious about […]
well a lively chat today. i was surprised that you had already read last nights post. and surprised that you would be offended by that surprise. seriously my cynicism has everything to do with my self loathing and not your personal or professional capabilities. my previous therapist never called me at the hut . and i know that i am just one of many that you see. i did notice by the way that you zinged me pretty good. yes i know that killing myself would leave a mess for others to clean up. both literally and figuratively. i also know that my family and […]
Everyday is getting tougher. I’ve not only lost the family I created with my wife but I can’t seem to find anyone who cares for me. I’m a fat ugly slob who sleeps with prostitutes so he can feel the tiniest shred if intamacy. I am trying to belong to a world that I don’t fit into. Not that I am trying to fit into any particular category that people try to identify themself with. I just don’t fit in anywhere. I am truly a misfit.I can make friends , laugh and pretend to have fun but its ultimately lacking truth and substance. I feel […]
False praise kills. Â I am told often that I am talented blah, blah blah. Â I can’t believe this. Â To do so would be arrogant. Â My inner circle does tell the truth. Â Significant other does not touch me because I am too fat for his liking. Â I was a size 00 when we met. Â I now wear a 2. Â He says he can only love me if I am thin and blonde. Â He says I am stupid. Â I’m in a doctoral program because at one time I wanted to prove to him that I was not as stupid as he says I am. Â Â There are […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has to this point. In high school I never had a problem with friends or anything else. I was pretty popular and good at sports. It has done nothing but go down hill since then. I got arrested for a DUI last fall. That was extremely embarrassing and living in a town with 300 people in it only made it worse. I feel like I brought shame to my family. After that I dropped out of school because I kept failing classes. Now I have no money and no […]
Almost 19 female. No job. No school. No friends (okay one friend) no goals. no joy no life.
I look at kids younger than me who have everything going for them i cant help but feel inadequatr pathetic and jealous. I am so disconnected to this world i spend most of it in my house alone watching tv drivig myself crazy with my thoughts. Iwonder what other girls my age are doing. Im sick of being so unadjusted. I know dwelling on it doesnt help but it is good to ley out my feelings. How do i l stop judging myself and comparing to other […]
I know its there, ive felt it before. I must find it. I didnt know i could feel so good and alive. It comes so naturally to most other people. But for me o have tp get it from alcohol or abuse of my perscription drugs. The feeling of clearance, contentment, knowing what i want. Actually joy, insane cobfidence in myself. I know what ive been missing all my life. Its so frusterating to thonk that ove been deprived of it all my life while others ignorantly take it for granted.
Why cant i have these goos feelings of confidence and joy regularly?
I am desperate […]
These days I am increasingly struggling to find a reason to keep going. Everytime I go outside I feel that everyone is looking and judging me, analysing my every awkward move. Walking on the pavement/sidewalk towards oncoming traffic is the worst as It just feels like a barrage of people staring at you, judging you. I hate thinking this way and I know its not rational, but I cant shake it, its like I am defined by my anxiety. Even when I succeed at something, theres always a voice saying I should have done better- endless quest for perfection? then what?  I think what is making […]
I’m a loser,no job,no talent,no friends,no family,never had someone really love me it was all fake. All I am doing is existing I am not living I have felt this way since eight years old when I lost a pet bird and realize how life is so short and things around you die and leave pain behind. I truly want to not exist any longer…. too many things have gone wrong in my life and I cannot erase or ignore this darkness that has taken over me and follows me everywhere. Why does the world look at people like me as insane or crazy or […]
MY most recent attempt to enter into a relationship with someone ended in bitter failure. As have the last 13 attempts I’ve made in the past few years. I’m 19 years old, have only one friend (that I barely talk to), and am still a virgin.
I am going no where in my life. I’ve never had a job, and likely won’t anytime soon. I’m far too lazy and pathetic to actually accomplish anything. What makes it worse is that I had such high hopes for myself when I was in high school. As I look around my university I notice people who are much more […]
Setting it back all up again in tears.i know that my past failures were not absent of my mstakes,so i wont sit here to blame any1 in particular.i may get a job soon,and i just miraculously came by some cash..i do not need to pull down the past structure of my life to build a new 1 because its already on the floor.i prayed for a new begining,so i am now going to work my ass out to get it
I am a teacher and a hopeful person just before what happened 2 days ago. at the age of 26, I can say that I have been a successful person as an employee. however, there were times when I feel that I wanna die. I wanna end all these. now i am currently encountering a serious problem which was not intended but i take the responsibility because I am the teacher. I’ve been thinking about the what if’s of the problem. even if it has no damage yet. i am afraid that something bad might happen. i am afraid that the boss might kick me […]
I’ve started writing more detailed procedures on my job so no one will be inconvienienced when the time comes. No one will miss me for myself. A momentary, that’s too bad and nothing more except “Why didn’t she write more procedures. What a f’up “. I have no family except the half-siblings who cast me off. My animals have a trust. It’s time. Does exhaust in a garage work? Pills are too unreliable, I just end up throwing up.
Trapped in the home of people who refuse to understand, who think my depression is hiding something, who think I’m lazy rather than my depression is debilitating.
I could take every type of med, go to every type of therapy, I could have sunshine coming out every orifice. It would make no difference.
Why? Because my problem isn’t me, its my mother. My mother is a cold, venomous, uncaring nag. She does not believe that depression is a mental illness, but instead views it as a weakness of the mind. She has mild dysthymia at worst and thinks she is the authority on depression. I doubt she has experienced a […]
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I guess because I have nothing else to do. I’m almost 22, graduating from a community college this semester, jobless, and still living with my parents. I just feel fucking pointless though.
I say graduating, but I know that’s only if I can actually make it through these 2 classes I’m taking. I can’t study, I never want to, all I want to do is just waste my life away on video games, so I don’t have to think about my current life. I’m still living at my parents house, and not to brag but they are decently […]
my life is one that i have come to consider utterly pointless. i never finished school (due to vicious bullying) so had no qualifications. my depression stopped me from completing collage courses that i have tried three times to do. i am considered unemployable due to my lack of qualifications and experience, so i’ve never had a job.
i cant even get a job scrubbing shit off toilets
so for the past 4 years i have been confined to a house that i share with my partner. i haven’t a friend in the world. (mostly due to the fact that my partner is a jealous shit who […]
I’m not a bad person but I am a fucking mess.
For years I have lived my life with no goal, no direction. I got through high school, finished college, got a job, an apartment but I never felt like I am doing anything worthwhile with my life. I survive. That’s all there is. All these years i have lived without consequences. I am a lose rocket that’s barely steered yet I still managed to not hit anything. Until recently. In another act of self destruction, I walked into a situation which I knew was gonna be trouble. The results did not surprise me. I ended […]