I feel kind of embarrassed for coming back here. It’s been at least two or three months since I wrote anything or even read other’s thoughts. I thought I was feeling better and didn’t need to come back here and I was going to delete this account and act as if I never belonged here. I’m glad I didn’t delete it. For the past few months things have been going fine. I finished a few online classes and been more social. Thing is, I still feel lonely. In the beginning of March my grade went on a trip and I bunked with three other friends. […]
so fucking tired having to wake up at 6 am and basically run up and down stairs all day I’m mentally and physically drained plus i don’t really want to be alive but I ain’t really got a choice right now and now il feel guilty if I try again but it’s only a matter of time I guess I just hope I get it right next time unless things magically get better which I don’t think is going to happen so I’m kind of I’m limbo again
how’s everyone in suicide club today ?
As I sit in lonely silence
I realize my violence
I look to see my scars
And I wish upon the stars
For something simply brighter
Than trying to be a fighter
I’ve never felt so tired
It was you that I admired
You left me in the dust
When I thought that I could trust
All you said were lies
So I gave them a disguise
My immature mind
Made me think that you were kind
I would make this the end
But I feel I should defend
All the things you said
Didn’t want me to be dead
I know I love you […]
There are basically 2 kinds of people: Those who are satisfied, fulfilled, at peace with life and eventual death. They cruise through whatever bumps, minor or large, that life throws at them. Through it all they have strength and resolve to go on with life, good or bad. They find or are handed success and somehow they get to live full lives with intimate relationships and lots of good times.
Then there are the others. The ones like me. We never fit in.
We seem to carry pain around with us. Life never really feels “right”. We have more questions and anxiety than our counter parts. Finances, […]
I’m scared of myself so I feel like I wouldn’t actually end it for myself, but if I was in the situation where a car was coming towards me at a fast pace I wouldn’t move, or any kind of situation like that. I don’t know really but that’s how I’ve felt for quite a while.
she’s all wrapped up tight
unwrapped she shines in the light
i hesitate at first for moment everything goes quiet
Iv found a new friend she’s so shiny and light
she knows my pain without me saying a word
she knows how to change mental pain into physical
without any words
she knows how to release tension all built up inside
She makes me bleed but she makes me feel alive at the same time
i don’t feel so numb this is kind of fun watching the blood run
but she dose leave scars that much is true
but in dark nights she really dose looks like the moon
– Ray
I succumbed to texting my ex. It’s a been almost 2 weeks since we vaguely texted each other. I told him that I need to be his friend and I asked him if he still even cared. He said “Yes, of course”. But he doesn’t act like it. He never asks me how I am or how my life is. It feels as if he is not my friend, not even a stranger on the street. Why am I hanging on to him like this? I’m actually starting to be completely turned off by him, sexually and in a friendly kind of way. Maybe this […]
Had another one of those bizarre dreams; that kind where you imagine someone is laying down right next to you. It was my ex lover, that person I had so much to say to before our relationship crumbled but never did and will never get the chance to do so. Maybe that’s why I dream about her so much, I think we both felt there was something left we could’ve held onto. So now here I am dreaming about the good times we had.. holding her, kissing he passionately, so many memories of our souls connecting as one.. also it’s funny, how much I hate […]
So I made someone a gift. And also thinking of you SPers. Hope you all enjoy it. 😉
It’s not finished yet but it’s kind of understandable now
I am okay. I mean, I may want to die, but I am okay with that. I don’t care about much anymore. It’s hard because everyone wants to help, kind of. They don’t want you to kill yourself. So they tell you how you have so much to live for, how they would feel if you left, how nothing lasts forever. I know nothing lasts forever. I just don’t see a reason to keep going, but I do keep going because I don’t really have a choice. What I wish they would see is that there is pain even when I do keep going.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It really is kind of hard to look at everyone around you and wonder what your purpose in life is. It’s difficult when the people around you think that they are so flawed, but in reality, they are the very idea of literal perfection.
My friends think that they are ugly and unattractive, but they don’t even know how it feels like to be me. My friends think that they are dumb or stupid, but they haven’t even begun to see my half-dead brain cells. My friends think that they have no special qualities, the only thing my brain can even think about is freaking self-pity.
Anyone wanna describe how they felt when taking opiates (or synthetic opiates) for the first time? Just ordered some Tramadol and I’ve never taken any kind of drugs before, so I was just curious. Also heard that drinking after taking them increases the feeling of intoxication. Is that true?
I was having doubts about this, but now I’m ready. Do you know what finally set me off? My mom. It was a good day, my brother started teaching me how to drive, my dad was just in his room, and my mom was watching tv. And my dad came out to ask about what we should do about our insurance. I don’t know why, but my mom started yelling saying that that should be his responsibility and that other families have everything sorted out. My family isn’t the richest, and whenever my dad does something without my mom’s knowledge she rages and when my […]
“The problem lying behind the lack of human fulfilment was a shortage not just of time but of imagination. They found a day that worked for them and then stuck to it, and repeated it, at least between Monday and Friday. Even if it didn’t work for them – as was usually the case – they’d stuck to it anyway. Then they’d alter things a bit and do something a little bit more fun on Saturday and Sunday.
One initial proposal I wanted to put to them was to swap things over. For instance, have five fun days and two not fun days. That way […]
Honestly don’t know what to say… other than I’m new here and this is my first time opening up to people about my problems… If I ever get comfortable enough to talk about my problems. I guess this post is more kind of like an introduction?
Or just me trying to get comfortable here and meet people because I’m honestly really uncomfortable even just typing this.
Anyway, hi. I’m Ira. I’m 20 years old. I love to draw and I’m really shy so I’m sorry about this awkward intro… On another note… my avatar looks like a scary duck… Need to change it.
Pardon me, but I’m kind of curious. Where are some of you from? I’m from California (:
“You’ll promise me you wont kill yourself, right? You promise me? Not anytime soon, right?”
*Laughter*
It was the awkward kind of laughter; the funny one for the wrong reasons. The laughter of embarrassment, but all you can manage to muster out is a laugh. And smile. Not the cruel kind of laughter; where you’re teasing the person- getting them concerned.
That’s what I said to the psychologist today.
Or, whatever she was. Of course I promised her.
I have to give her credit, she figured out the date all by herself. She’s pretty smart.
Here’s my advice to you: If the psychologist’s trynna get some answers out of you that […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/B00ZBBHI1M_disc_1_12_-_Song_For_Josh.mp3
My favourite musician is a chap called Frank Turner. He wrote this – ‘A Song for Josh’ – after finding out that a good friend of his had committed suicide. Josh was a member of the security team at a venue in New York which Frank has played numerous times. It’s all the more poignant because this live recording was made at the same venue on the anniversary of his death and adds an additional layer of emotion which you’ll hear in his voice as he sings.
It’s not anti-suicide rant or anything like that, but more of an ‘I wish he’d just talked to […]
WARNING: THIS IS A VENT / RANT. NOT TRYING TO OFFEND ANYONE, JUST AIRING OUT.
Why are people so fucking pushy? Like their ideals are the only fucking way. Here’s my list of shit…
Homosexual. Hybridsexual, Antisexual, overly-sexual… I do not give 1 single iota of a fuck how, who, or where you bump uglies. Here’s an idea, keep it to yourself. Why does everyone make an issue about how it’s not an issue?
Religion. Anti-religion. Quasi-religion. Again, I don’t fucking care what you do or don’t believe in. Jesus gives your life meaning? Awesome. On a mission for Cthulhu, more power to you. If, I find it […]