I didn’t sleep last night. It turns out, I spent the night writing. I don’t remember doing it. But I wrote a lot, and what I wrote somewhat makes sense, but I’m not so sure if it would to others. No one else seems to have my thinking pattern. At least, I think it’s mine. I’m not so sure. Basically, I’m confused as hell this morning. I’m shaking and ill, everything is blurring and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I overdosed. I found chunks of hair in my bed. I remember ‘waking up’ (except i wasn’t. Sort of like waking up from a day […]
I am now in college. It has been 3 years since I’ve lost my dad. Its been a hard three years. I am trying so hard to make it in this adult world. I never knew I would be this stressed out. I have been finding so many grey hairs. I am only eighteen. This is crazy. Sometimes I want to give up. There are so many days when I can’t find a way out of my bed to get to class. Last semester I did horrible. I lost my $9,000.00 scholarship. It broke my heart. I don’t know where I’m going to school next […]
So yesterday was the most stress full day ever wondering or not is going to drag me out of my husband grandparents house so go news he didn’t.so that leaves me with scary unsurance what is going to happen and I don’t know.
so what kind end of happenig was my husband and I I end up watching a documentary about 11 which means anxious depressedso when the movie ended.he took of the computer awayw and he kept on asking me what was wrong physically wouldn’t answer like a really with all my strength not. Able open my mouth and tell […]
My net is on the fritz….nothing new. I hope this one makes it through been trying for the last hour.
For you…you know what I am thinking…
what would you have as your last meal?
Hey there. I was just wondering how things went for you last week, with your appointments, getting off meds, and everything else. Sorry if you already shared this and I missed it. How’d it go with the new shrink?
I’m pretty sure it was a month or 2 ago that I made a post saying that I was hopefully leaving this world and that it could very possibly be my last post. Nope. It didn’t pan out the way I would’ve wanted it to so I’m still here. Around the time I found out it wasn’t going to happen my mother took notice for once of my depression. So it was about 4 years ago that my mother moved me away from my friends and I haven’t made any since, partially due to my social anxiety but also a lack of opportunity. Anyway my […]
After four days of being sick and near-bedridden because of the usual health issues, I was FINALLY able to get out today.
I was able to get up, shower, get dressed, and go out to one of my favorite WiFi spots.
I realize I should be used to it by now, but it’s just such an awful feeling to be trapped indoors like I am sometimes. It’s like being an animal caught in a trap. Stuck in bed, with bones hurting anytime I try to move. Rolling over in bed was something so difficult that it occasionally […]
I made this thread so it would be easier to follow.
To one up you from last night:
Oh, well, hello fairy Miranda. She is a bit flirty and sexy, isn’t she? Oh, I’ve got wings. Not in the feminine hygiene way, sort of slutty moth, you know.
I’ve been sleeping through the past few weeks since the new semester began. Last semester i slept through the last 2 months of term and i scraped through my exams, but since then i just dont have the energy or the discipline to work. And it’s kind of funny because what happens to those of us who don’t want to work? Do we just go homeless and starve on the streets? If it comes to that, i’ll make a point of dying on my own, out of the way, in the wilderness somewhere.
Every time i feel this complete and utter lack of hope, a level […]
I barely have any energy to type this right now. Im totally dejected. I turned 26 last week, and think Im ready to go buy a gun. I dont even know where to begin. My acne scars have totally destroyed my cheeks, my relationships, my family, my job, my entire life. Ive always held hope that things like lasers, and peels would make a difference. But after working my ass off, showing the world my deep scars to save thousands for these treatments, a year later the improvement is minor. Im right back where I started and theres no hope of it getting any better. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I just don’t know anymore everyday seems to be more of a struggle how do people live years with suicidal thoughts ? I started having them like 4 years ago and last year I started to act on them in not afraid of dying no more I’m more afraid of living right now it’s kind of sad well I guess this is how my story meant to go and I’m ok with that I think in my life iv had more down days then up days and last year was the loneliest year of all and to be honest the loneliness is killing me more […]
The other day I went for a haircut. I asked for a pixie. I told the stylist I wanted it longer in the back, with lots of layers. She gave me what looks like a boy’s haircut. It’s not feminine at all. I’m so dadgummed miserable with it! I hate it! This is to be my last haircut, as I will soon be making my exit. I had wanted my hair to look nice for that, as weird as it sounds. I was going to color it as well. (It’s mostly grey.) I’ve had many haircuts in my life where the stylist ignored my wishes. […]
I’ve been trying to act somewhat ‘normal’, and not like everyone is trying to murder me. It’s difficult, to say the least. I can’t keep up with emotions anymore. I’m not reacting to things I’m supposed to, and I’m reacting differently than I should in other situations. I’m getting yelled at for being ’emotionless’, and I’m getting yelled at for ‘behaving inappropriately’.
The voices are constant now, specifically the running commentary and the laughing. The demons missed last night again, but I’ve saw the shadow people throughout the day instead.
My mood has been ridiculously low all day, anger being the most prominent one. It’s not even […]
Hello again,
This post is different from what I usually see on here but I am hoping that it can help me to share it with you guys. I’m baring my soul here: This is a diary entry from a few weeks ago, I am quoting straight from my diary because after hearing opposing opinions on the story, I do not know what to believe anymore and I wrote this right after it happened so this is exactly how I remember it.
“Friday I drank way too much. Puked 3 times? I wanted to go somewhere to chill, last year I always went to the guys’ dorm to hang, […]
This group seems to be having two distinctly different roles for me. First and foremost, I feel I’m gaining depth and understanding of my issues. Far better than any other form of help I’ve sought.
Countering that, I’m gaining insight into the reality of suicide. For the first time I can say I’m sure I’ll be successful next time. Sorry for the false alarm last night. Too confident too quickly.
The cats out of the bag. The handful of people around me are aware I’m considering. Though I’m not revealing a plan. I’m giving it time though so don’t fret.
The hardest part for me is letting go […]
I just realized that the title of my last post looks like it couldn’t been a play on “twix this rainbow.” Well, it ISN’T, and I’m sorry if anyone might’ve thought that at all. I’d never mock someone like that, sorry if it looked like I had.