I have matured in many ways and lived a good life but it seems im back in that useless hole again… no one can get me out only myself and i need to start searching for my motivation its a jourmey that will be painful but it has to be done or else i will keep feeling like this; this sorrow this uselessness and without hope. I starting a journey again and i want to be able to break out of this again.
Tag:
learn
If all goes well this may be my last post here. I think I finally found someone, we’re talking about a plan of action.
I’m writing this to thank everyone here and give some constructive criticism. You are all good people from what I can tell, helping random anonymous strangers through there roughest times while going through rough times yourselves in some cases. I see this as a place that welcomes the strange, and the lonely, and the scared, with open arms. My only criticism for this community would be the people who only offer support that encourages survival. I will admit that in most cases […]
Somewhere, in some other time, i am living my nightmare;
Here and now, i am living my perfect life;
Here and in some other time, i am living my nightmare;
Somewhere and now, i am living my perfect life;
I am living my other self’s perfect life, while my other self is living a nightmare.
My other self is living my perfect life, while i am living my nightmare.
Connected only through dreams…
Through dreams….
I can taste what a perfect life would taste like
Through dreams……
I come to know of sorrows and losses which can make my life hell
Connected only by dreams…..
Its hard.
Really hard.
Ever since I started to fuck up the only light that lead me out of that dark place.
Now that light is closer to me, though it feels a lot dimmer.
I fucked up. I fucked it up.
I killed it. I destroyed its own self and now im messing around with things i think I know to try and fix it.
I make the light dimmer.
I know i need to learn to be able to stand alone.
I can. Can I?
Is it really me all the time?
It is.. is it? I think it is..
Times have changed and the light […]
Ok, so suicidal thoughts linger. Will they ever totally dissipate? Perhaps or perhaps not. I don’t really know. If I had to say, I would lean towards they will lighten but never just go away. Once you learn know or relaize something, it’s not like you can just purposely unknow or unrealize it. The partial truth behind ingnore is bliss. So with acceptance of the fact I may never be able to fully revert from suicidal thoughts and desires leads me to the question of what can I do to cope with them? My mind running on the topic of ways to kill myself and […]
I gradually begin to understand that love is beyond time and age. No matter how old the person we love becomes, we still fight for their happiness and see everyday with them as a gift to cherish. And there is happiness that comes along with every single day that passes.
There is a lot more to love I am yet to learn. And with you, I am learning, step by step, every single day.
School is managed to turn me from someone willing to learn and grow into a person with bleak eyes who memorises facts only to be tested on them. It has managed to turn me into a person who perceives death and expulsion as the same thing.
What does being happy mean to you guys? I want to learn how to be happy so I can make someone else happy. My depression always gets in the way. I just want to be happy. I want to know what happiness feels like. Can you fall in love when you don’t love yourself?
I’m sure many of you heard the breaking news today of 2 news reporters being shot to death by a disgruntled former employee while the victims where filming live.
I saw the video and its deplorable and unforgivable. These innocent people where happy, loved life, and didn’t want nor diserve to die. This monster than turned the gun on himself. I never understood why people like this just don’t shoot themselves instead of trying to take others with him.
Thing is – the man is still alive and in critical condition. He shot himself in the head with a handgun. A lot of people have the misconception that […]
Is anyone else on here fascinated with the faces & stories of those who have committed suicide?
I spend hours watching YouTube “people who have committed suicide” then researching everyone of those faces to learn their story & look at their facebook pages.
They all look like such beautiful, everyday normal people
I hope to have their bravery someday soon!
How does one *fix* the affects of abuse? You can’t fix that what is. You just learn to cope. No matter how hard one tries, the memories are still remain; forever haunting, forever there.
I have been told to dwell not on that what was but rather focus on what can be. I have always maintained that focusing (and influencing) one’s future is largely based on one’s past, as it is one’s past that makes up one’s present. It is one’s present that gives one strength and abilities to influence one’s future. We are after all the sum of all of our experiences.
One’s past = […]
1. Im ugly
2. I’m addicted to porn
3. Never had a girlfriend who truly loved me
4. I was raped by my best friend.
5.My family thinks im a dumb ass
6. I have a dream to sing, but lets face it isn’t happening.
7. Even my mom tried to kill me
8. I’ve learn in this world there is no love, but simply someone u dislike the least.
9.US politics
10.i feel unloved
11. No one will read this.
The world seems to hate me nowadays. My mom andd dad were divorced when I was five and and then my world turned upside down when my lazy ass stepmom moved in. I had to learn how to take care of myself and my brother with no help, and now I’m 15 and have had to be in the hospital three times already. It’s not like I want to cut, but no matter how hard I try, I alway end up hidden behind long sleeves as bandages on my wrists. I cut myself a few minutes ago, and I’m really thinking about ending it. It all […]
I guess I’m back for now. I don’t think there’s anyone left here that remembers me but I need somewhere I can talk or vent and not have it ruin my life because that’s all talking seems to do lately. I hope I can be the way I used to, I hope I can learn how to listen again… I was so much better at it when I was really depressed but before I watched my friends disappear one by one knowing they weren’t just hiding… It’s been a while and I hope I can be the person I was, and honestly I would rather […]
I don’t know whether or not I feel like things are worth it. Maybe some things and people are worth living for but what about the rest, what about the things you never asked for. I get that life throws you obstacles to get passed and learn a lesson from but I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to live with myself, my thoughts, my actions or things I don’t do for myself. I can’t live with my appearance, or who I am. I’m tired of losing people, tired of opening up to people that don’t care, and I’m so damn tired of letting […]
My posting on here has grown more frequent. So I apologize about that.
This post is pointless, I’m alone, lost and scarred. (Not afraid, scarred as in scar, for any grammar nazis out there, and I know your here haha).
So I’m going to sit back here, and sip on some wine and play the piano to the tune of my misery. Moonlight sonata, the only song I can play start to finish, I really should find the time and learn some more songs, hmm I might do that actually. Let me get a buzz first.
Nothing like Chopin to play my sorrows out to my hearts content. […]
I am the girl waiting patiently for her turn at the throne. I’m the girl that’s tired of feeling alone. I’m the girl who sits on the corner at parties, watching everyone as they go by. I feel like I’m already gone. Helping others as they go along. But then there’s another part of me. This girl is caged, waiting to be set free. She is tormented and controlled. Her body is shaky and cold. She screams but no one can hear. She is left in a room of despair. She takes to the needle like a baby with a bottle, the past ten years […]
So anyway, the last year or so has really sucked. My wife made up lies to the police to get me arrested and got a protection order against me to get me removed from my house. Never spoke with her for the next year, except through our lawyers since she served me with divorce papers. Now that the protection order is expired she has been talking to me sweet as can be when I go over there to pick up our son. Of course the divorce is still going forward, it should be final any day now. She’s supposedly a Christian now and she says […]
Mastery is the term they use for acquired skills that are rewarding in my group therapy. I am 26 years old and have literally acquired zero skills. Getting into something and really learning it requires a inspired or motivated person. The thing is, no goals really motivate me, and I am unable to find the inspiration within myself to accomplish anything.
I explore things I might like to learn, and then I attempt to immurse myself in the content of the subject, and I quickly find myself overwhelmed. The overwhelming nature of the entire situation just discourages me. Maybe I don’t have the confidence in myself […]
Does anyone feel like that people who say that “talent has nothing to do with success if you keep practicing” or “don’t give up your dream! :3” or something to that effect are only people who have been so far successful therefore wouldn’t know what the fuck they are talking about? The notion that everything can be that easy if you have the passion for it or the drive and you work diligently? ANYONE can have those things! but is what gives other people the edge is something genetic? sure someone can study techniques and maybe learn to use a new tool. but guess what?! someone […]