Psychiatrists and physicians always have tons of money invested into malpractice insurance because they know that their toxic treatments can sometimes in fact deform or harm people into permanent disability. If I really wanted to. I could always go back to school to learn a marketable job skill. However, I cannot do that if I should somehow become permanently & painfully disabled by risking my health to toxic psychiatric drugs. I don’t trust psychiatrists or even most physicians anymore because they don’t care if they should harm their own patients, because they can easily get away with spreading misinformation and are not always held accountable for […]
I hate this unborn thing. I wish I could get rid of it but the father wants it. Im too far along to get a pill abortion. Most people I know are excited about the thing. I dont feel any connection to it. I HATE it. Im not ready for a leech Im never going to love. I wish it would hurry up and die so I can get back to my life or death or whatever Im looking for. I hate you leech. I will never learn to love you. I HATE YOU!
I just want to dance with you
Feel the ground disappear from beneath my feet
Look into your eyes and learn to see
A different side of who I am and who I want to be
I just want to sing with you
Feel the words pour out of my soul
Hold your hand and learn to breathe and let it keep me from drowning
I just want to say to you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I’m just so ashamed of who I am and showing you and losing you
I just want to be near you
I cling to every word you speak
I just […]
Once upon a time, two emotionally dysfunctional people brought an Imp into this world. Kids weren’t really dad’s thing, and mom wasn’t at all certain about the care and feeding of an impossible girl. Maybe Imp was destined to crash from the start. She learned how to talk, and then she stopped. Just stopped. Wouldn’t even talk to her mother, and she was a total mama’s girl. When she got to preschool, she was behind other kids because of the whole not speaking thing. But she also just didn’t really fit in. Playing house seemed pointless. […]
I don’t know if anybody is going to read this, I don’t know how this works, but I hope it helps me…
I’ve been having a lot of problems at home, with my dad being mad at my mom and I, barely acknowledging that we live there too. There is just too much tension and I just can not take it anymore. So I decided to give my father a reality check, something that will show him the consequences of his actions. He either changes for good (I hope), or I’ll learn he never loved me.
I decided to sacrifice my life.
I hope my decision doesn’t sound selfish, […]
I am in the process of planning a way out of my miserable existence. I am not some teenager suffering angst or going to kill myself over a boyfriend or failed relationship.
Life continues to shit on me and recent events have just proven it yet again. It does not matter what I do or learn, how I try to improve myself, who I know or meet, I am just fated to lose in every way imaginable. I’m almost 50 and have finally accepted it’s never going to be any different. There is no hope.
I’m giving myself a certain number of months to get everything […]
Well, the title says it all. When am I gonna learn to NOT try and pursue anything with anyone?
Its this self hatred and not being able to move on that is killing me. I seriously need to learn how to forget about things and just move on.
I am a person with social anxiety disorder, and i easily fall into depression, its already confirmed that depression is an illness
and it should be threated and thankfully some people get that treatment they require, but for me, i don’t have friends and people that would help me with that, because i am plain unlucky
i preferred being alone, i barely knew what to say when people talk to me, since my childhood i spend most of my time alone. my parents were always arguing, they
didn’t get along with each other, my father was abusing my mother, and i had to see that, […]
good god, what a depressing reality it must be to never grow out of the mindset that keeps you stuck like you are. I am a survivor, I am hopeful, I am powerful. I am strong enough to know, the world isn’t so bad, you need to change cities, change jobs, do something drastic, besides hurting yourself or others. You haven’t even experienced the world yet, trust me things change all the time, in 5 years things won’t be so shitty, and if they still are change something! Do something, I’ve found what helped me, was helping others, giving my love out for free knowing […]
When you look at me like that, I don’t get it, I just can’t breathe at all. When you look at me like that, You make alive what I thought it was dead inside me. And all I want is learn a way of how to let you know…
What is the point of living anymore?
I will never reach any of my goals. I will forever be stupid, fat, and unwanted. No one I like will ever return the feelings. I will never have friends who truly care, not even enough to learn trivial things like my birthday.
What is the point of living, if my father will still deny that he abuses me, and that I have depression that has been diagnosed by my many therapists. What is the point of living if my mother will blame the disasters in her life on me, and threaten to walk out on me.
What is the point […]
My desire and motivation have been very low for the past couple of years that I have been called “depressed.” I couldn’t go to college for more than a couple of weeks before I started skipping and realising that it was just like high school, where it seemed that the aspirations of everyone were to get drunk and make stupid decisions, which I had a difficult time understanding. (If they hated consciousness so much, why didn’t they commit suicide?) What is the point of living past high school anyways? I always liked learning, but that’s proving to be more trouble than it’s worth. With the […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
Somewhere in Norway, or Sweden or Canada. It’s clear water, maybe in the mountains and it snows during winter. And you can go fishing there, I’ve never been fishing but I would learn how to. A cat and a dog, we would do long walks along the lake in summer, and when it’s cold outside we’d cuddle by the fire with lots of blankets and hot chocolate. I’d even grow my own food if I had to, just a small garden with vegetables. I would have […]
I took this photo this morning of my dog Finnegan slurping my cat, Charlie Chow Mein. Maybe I should say his cat. Finnegan is laid back. You can take food out of his mouth and he won’t bite you. If he feels his cat is being threatened though he will become fiercely protective. He will place himself between the perceived threat and the cat, be the threat human or another animal, and he will growl menacingly, his back hairs standing up a bit. And if the threat […]
Anybody here believe in reincarnation or past lives or the zodiac? I know its more common these days to find others who believe in the same, but of course everyone has their own opinion on it.
Anyway, I believe I have had past lives & many times I have been told I am an old soul. One old friend once told me that the zodiac sign that you are born under, says how old your soul is & how many life lessons are still to be learned. Each life you live there is a lesson for your spirit to learn & once you learn that, […]
I’m failing college, and therefore wasting both time and money. I’m eighteen and existentially distressed, so how my parents think I know what I want to do in life and how they think that I can put on a happy face and go to college is beyond me. I have no one to consider what I should do with my life with. My parents say “college.” There’s simply no other option.
I don’t know what I want to do in life, to be honest. I’ve had ideas, but they all never worked out. I thought I might want to learn programming, but it’s boring, and boredom […]
I’ve been thinking about suicide for the last 15 years and at times, the only thing stopping me from doing it was fear of pain and surviving with brain damage (I could only kill myself with a gun or possibly hanging if I could figure out how to get partial suspension hanging right). But I realize that there are things that could make my life better and stop me from considering the suicide route, if only temporarily.
For me, it would have to be forging a deep important commitment to someone or something. I would have to learn to forget or not think about all the […]
The feeling of being hurt can not fully be described unless you feel it.. you feel it in your soul, in everything you do.. its around you and eventually becomes you and defines you.
Being hurt cuts like a knife.
Once you feel it so many times, you begin to convince yourself that this is how it’s meant to be for you. That feeling of constant rejection, confession, DISAPPOINTMENT.
Hurt can not be covered up with words. Words fade. But hurt doesn’t. You only learn to live with it but once you learn, your hurt all over again, only this time it’s greater than before… […]