It’s really hard to explain this to your parents, but imagine what would they feel about growing old when I leave them at the most challenging part of their lives. Perhaps they knew this when I was born (?). Seems like everything is obvious, yet not much that can be done. Things are so bad. What a life, I’m amazed I got dealt these cards.
He was beginning to realise that things were out of his control, always had been and always will be. He had made so many plans for the future, seemingly carved in stone. But really he was a child drawing in the sand with a stick, his ideas, his hopes and his dreams were always going to be washed away by the tide.
His body was a road map of scars, but he had no idea where they’d lead him. Each one told a different story, some told multiple versions of the same story and some refused to utter their secrets. His arms were so heavily slashed […]
It been a long time since I been to this site and posted anything. I feel a lot better now that i left home and have an amazing long distance boy friend . However like the rest of life i still find the problems to keep me up at night.Like the feeling of still being unable to help any one, as i leave home and travel 4 hours up north with no way to get back till the summer i find my brother falling deeper into the darkness, he never had any friends nor a stable life , however he never been a street rat […]
Why is it that you ruined my life every chance it goes good, why do you feel the need, you may have rasied me but that wasnt your job to do your job was to be a sister yet you never was you made my life hell. I was the one cleaning your puke up i was the one doing food shopping you thought i would never cope in this life but ive done well im managing my life right now arent i. Just do me a favour and leave my life to me you caused chaos when we was younger we never would of […]
Nothing’s fine. Never. But the worse thing is not seeing people. I don’t see people at work, and there’s only my mother at home.
Being all day alone is killing me. I try to call someone, just that I forget that other people actually have a life and won’t be available just because the world suddenly seems so hard to me.
I want a life too. I don’t want to spend the day with this sad me, thinking about how nothing is fine, stopping myself to call again, just swallowing the anxiety.
Uhm. Luckily I’ve got Fridays, when I’m with people for two hours, so I can […]
Mom had decided to divorce dad right after my sister was born. Didn’t do it, went back and had me, that’s when the fights began. Okay, decided to enter schizophrenia and Dad was too desperate to see the future believing life was so much fun. At 27, with a painless method at hand, I realise they are both being held by their children from dying. So we never had parents. I feel like I’m holding them alive at gunpoint, not fair, since they’re vehemently against it, they don’t even want me to earn, although my not having a job adds to it. So since my […]
These pictures are from today….I am the person who never did this… but the combination of not being able to trust new contacts, thus making it impossible to life a normal life and the fact that my ex girlfriend might have given me soa’s;there have been 10+ guys so the chances are rather high…. has removed all boundaries which i did have before.
This […]
I hope you read this and know you’re not alone
That the pain in these words you realize as your own
when you look at your scars bleeding red
know that I have them too
That I just wanted to feel something other than alone
I thought I deserved it
I truly did
As I shaped jagged lines I would scold myself for not being better
for being such a waste of life
but the pain always came back
No amounts of cuts changed that
So stop
now
I’ve been on that ledge
I know how much it hurts right now
I can’t promise you […]
it seems everything i do now is just for attention, however i can’t tell. Am i just lying to myself and others? Am i making things up and actually fooling myself? am i really doing everything i have done for her? do i really love her? could i ask the same about my past relationships? was it my fault they ended? did i do something wrong? am i the reason my best friend is so suicidal and depressed, who is now losing her life slowly because she overdosed? is it me? or others? why does life and nature have such a cruel yet realistic cycle […]
1
2
3
This is a series of photos that I took recently in some off the wall attempt at expressing exactly what goes on in my mind. I feel so blinded, but the moment the blindfold is removed, I rgret […]
i realized i am not alone with my slightly suicidal feelings, loneliness, and sadness. If worst comes to worst and there is no afterlife, at least there is peace at the end right? And if there is a heaven, I think God would open his arms after us suffering so greatly. its rough, but hey, thats the truth. last year i dealt with some pretty rough stuff, and i hope it may get better. I learned alot about my illness, and realize there are many others out there with things, and are too poor to have them fixed. i feel better than i did last […]
i’m working at my dream job. it is stressful but meaningful that i have some “uh-huh life is good” moments from time to time.
but every time when i sit down quietly, i can feel the pain. i feel the emptiness in my chest. i still wish i were dead.
seems like i see the good things as separate incidents while blaming all the bad things on life as a whole.
Why has life got to be so painful..?
i’m laying in bed watching Grey’s Anatomy because I can’t with life. I can’t deal with it, i don’t want to talk to anyone. i don’t want to be anywhere.
I can’t function in this life…I don’t belong here…too fucked up somehow…I want out, I want out…wish I could remove myself from existence and memory…I hate this feeling of bringing grief to my family and others…I don’t see myself ever overcoming whatever my malfunction is…it has been two decades now…why did I ever end up here in this life…I want out, I want out…
I think I’m going to kill myself tonight… I don’t have anything I feel happy for. I feel miserable. I don’t have anything to live for. I’ve tried meds, therapy, hotlines, doctors, but here I am…
I just don’t wanna live anymore. Yes I regret so may things and I want to do a lot of things in the future but not at the cost of what I have to go through everyday, depression and suicidal tendencies. I regret not showing my parents the lovely daughter I could be. I regret not being able to see my siblings’ future success in their career. I regret […]
I was raised to think that depression and suicide were selfish acts committed in the despair and hollowness of one’s own soul based on their selfish desires. My mom gave me this idea. Strange, seeing how she used to be suicidal.
I have seen the families of suicide victims first hand. They rot away until they are dead themselves. Mere skins of the people they once were. And I feel selfish.
Why do I want to put my family through that? Why do I want to take my own life just because it would benefit me? Went to church today and the preacher was talking about […]
i used to be a very happy child. i’m still always smiling almost all the time but it’s a fake smile covering my true feelings. this life means nothing to me. and one of the reasons that i hate myself is that my feelings are easily changed so i cannot be sure about what i really feel.
why are we here? isn’t this a bit strange for you? what does life mean? what if i wasn’t born at all? there MUST be some reasons for being here!
i feel i’m in prison. i don’t like to be here. and sometimes i suspect that other people are not real […]
I give up ! There’s no hope anymore, everything I do is futile and I’m too lonely. Life keeps playing tricks on me; I would be fine one morning, then, almost out of nowhere, I wake-up to something terrible, and I’ll be sitting there wondering why it happened.
I’ve had enough. I don’t know what the end will be; I think it may be suicide; cutting myself looks so good right now, I had resisted doing it for a long-time.
I’m so sick of people, I’m sick of my self, I’m bored of life.
If you’re out there, God, just kill me already you fucking prick…At least make […]
If you were supposedly being fooled by everyone around you and only you were the one that was gawked at? What would you do if you felt as though your every thought, feeling, written or spoken statement, action, and the like were all being not just recorded by thouse trying to hurt you but judged as well? How is it that you would deal with the fact that at not quite 40 years old, you feel worn down, exhausted, used up, and spent? If you felt like your entire exsistance was spent on a completely uphill journey at full steam ahead and you were just […]