Enrolled into the university. Mother had to leave me alone in the capital, giant and unforgiving, because we are from a little city (6 h from the one I’m currently in). I’ve always felt I don’t belong but now more than ever. Sneaked into a tall building unaware of it’s security. Turned out there were lattices on every window and the exit to the roof was blocked. First suicide fail. Peace is the only thing I’m craving for right now. Might be my last post. I have no knowledge of what’s lying ahead. Love, my gratitude & good luck, Hikari.
Tag:
Love
I miss you but I must let you go. I loved you but i’ve found someone who is fixing my heart. When I see you in the hallways it takes all my strenth to not break down and cry. You seem okay, smiling and laughing. actually, You seem happier now that im gone but thats all I wanted for you. to be happy. I could never give you happiness all i cause is sadness and sorrow. You plead and beg for me not to leave you but I hear none of it as I turn around and walk away. I hear your crys […]
Dedicate this to the cruel game called Love.
Fuck love and all its cuntery.
http://youtu.be/cncoJB_C-m0
Original song by Chris Isaak
I like this guy’s voice better though.
Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
Just a few things on my mind and I may seem harsh but reading some of these comments are making me ill. Your all encouraging each other to take your life’s? Giving each other options for easy ways out? I have been in the exact same situation as many of you&it does get better. We don’t need to encourage each other to take the easy way out. We need to be sharing some fucking hope! So if I come across as harsh, it’s because I generally care.
First of all, I don’t give a shit what anyone says; There is no reason why you should take […]
On to the point … when i was barely 3 years old , my parents went to work abroad since we didn’t have enough money to pay out the credits they had taken to build our new “Home” … the credits were more than 6 digits in € … I was still young and i had become a witness of so many family argues that its not even funny , i have seen my father hit my mother to *BLOOD*, believe me it was quite traumatising for a 3-5 year old kid to witness this … so on , when i was about 7 […]
I’ve been at my real dads since June 24 and I’m leaving August 3.
My mom has been verbally and mentally abusive for all of my life. She threatens to physically abuse me all the time. She led me to believe that my dad never cared about me and that he cheated on her with my stepmom.
That wasn’t the case nor did my dad ever do that. It’s got worse recently which is why I’m up here with my dad. I would call my stepmom everyday crying. My dad found out what she recently has done ( she was making others and friends believe I’m psychotic […]
for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
BEFORE
When i see you, i die it’s like i forget how to breath should i inhale should i exhale i never know what to do.
when you look at me, oh with those eyes, they’re brown just brown not so exiting but to me, those eyes are my little universe.
when you smile at me, i swear i loose it all, it’s like the world stop, everything else fades away and it’s just us against the world.
when you touche me, fire run trough my veins, i’m being electrocuted .
when you hug me, i feel at home, it’s my safe heaven i never want […]
I think today I have decided to just end it. I’m not going through court. I think my baby would be better off without me. I hope and pray that his daddy will take good care of him. I’m so worried about that. He’s not very patient and cares more about himself…but I can’t handle fighting anymore. My baby is my world and I can’t stand sitting back watching this happen. Please god take care of my baby. Please. In less than 2 weeks I’m planning on being out of this world. I have failed. I’m too weak. Mommy loves you so much baby boy.
Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.
What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.
Sometimes […]
It’s been about 5 years since I’ve been on this site. 5 long, long years..
I thought things were good, that everything was going to be okay. That it was okay, I made it through the hard part and I could live a happy life now. . . But I was sadly mistaken. . . The pain from five years ago, was only the beginning. . .
I left New York, shortly after I graduated high school. To be honest I thought it was a miracle I made it out of that hell hole. Senior year was pretty good I must say, made Honor roll and was […]
This is a long story, so please be patient as I try to explain everything.
I was in a long-term, long-distance relationship. Early June made four years, but at the end of June we decided to “take a break.”
He lives in Canada (let’s call him John) and I’m in the United States (I’ll call myself Jeff). About a year ago we had a discussion and decided that he would try to find a job and move to be with me in the U.S. This was at about the three-year mark of the relationship and I remember saying at the time, both to myself and to John, […]
I use to live in San Diego, California when i was growing up. It was amazing and I wasn’t the most popular kid but I did have a small amount of good friends that I was happy with. Then in the middle of 5th grade my family decided to move to Indiana and well that was probably the worst decision of their lives. I made friends in 5th grade when i started, and got a crush on this kid named Justin. Over time all the friends i though i had starting to turn on me, especially in 6th grade. I got bullied so […]
”
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.””
I was born in a undeveloped country in South America called Brasil. When I was a child my family faced lots of difficulties but my mom said that I could win in life if I was a great student. I have studied a lot and I could enter in a prestigious public university in Brasil. In 2013, I earned an exchange course in Australia sponsored by the Brazilian government, and there in Australia I met the love of my life. A wonderful Chinese girl that gave me happiness and we truly love each other until today.
However, my sponsor finished last year and I had to […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
So, I just started a new job… I took it for several reasons:
a) I earn 300 euro more compared to before and could depending on my performance boost this with another 60% of my total salary… But this is just money. I hate it.
b) Maybe it is the same as the above as I am currently in dept more or less… because of the drugs. I actually took the job (partly) so that I could support this lifestyle, while thinking I would be able to make my life more stable with a 9 till 5 job rather then one in which my hours […]
I’m falling in love,
But something feels wrong.
Something about his words,
Feels like lies dressed as love.
I need to find a way to explain
How I really feel about this pain,
I don’t want to get hurt again.
I’m not sure what I want. I not sure weather I want to kill myself or just die. It’s 2015 and I’ve been facing depression for over four straight years now. When I tell my parents I’m depressed they just think it’s a temporary thing. When I tell my “friends” they think I’m a attention seeking whore and don’t believe me cause I’m always “smiling”. I’m only 16 and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I always feel alone. Which causes me to think that no ones cares about me and that’s the reason I’m lonely. I believe that I can be cured by finding […]