There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words […]
she knew
maybe not
where she
was going
her bottomless pit
where all the guilt comes
faster
harder
faster
hard for her
does she like it
she doesnt know
nod your head if its a yes
shake it if its a no
a hug
a cuddle
they are affection of showing how couples love
she ain’t related to them
she was high for a while
then she got down
I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words […]
Soo… hey everyone!
Been down these past days, but at least I didn’t take any pills today so I’m not falling asleep everywhere.
I want to share some stuff with you guys, if you’d let me.
First, tomorrow would be my dad birthday, hadn’t he died from cancer two years ago (a quickly abstract for those who didn’t read my previous post: I feel responsible for that).
Even though out of my four sisters I only speak to one (and a half. Does text count as talk?), my mother want ALL of her daughters to spend the day together and try and be nice with […]
I’ve just started using this site so I’m not sure if anyone would know my story, but if you don’t here is the detailed you might need to understand the rest of my rant.
A year and three months ago, my lifelong best friend committed suicide. Since then, I have fallen into a multitude of bad habits, bad treatments, bad situations, bad moments, and really, just an overall bad life. All the friends I had left when she died. The only person I have right now is my boyfriend. Also, you might need to know I’m a cashier. Like I said, please excuse my rant and […]
I’m so tired of fighting this war
My body aches, and my soul is its whore
My pain has grown full in size
Was fed religiously by my own mind
It now controls my every step
Making sure I won’t get slammed
Rejecting life by any means
And killing everything within.
My pain has been with me since ever
By now I really should know better
It won’t be cast away by light,
It will end with me, god willing, maybe tonight.
My mind is eating me. Sadness, anger, envy, loneliness, hate, self-loath, jealousy, shyness, sense of failure and other shitty feelings packed in one mind. I fcking hate times like this when I get depressed for no particular reason. I can’t seem to know the reason why but fck this. I try to do things to keep myself from being like this but even playing video games-the one thing that never fails to keep my mind straight- is failing. Had been feeling like this for I dunno maybe a month or two but back then it was just mild. Right now, I really think my mind […]
I’m an atheist. I think I believe that death is the end of consciousness. But the idea of hell still has this grip on my mind. Maybe because it’s what I feel I deserve. The thought of being trapped in a never-ending state of misery and despair – that somehow seems like what I have coming. That there’s nothing I can do about it.
Which is crazy. As far as I know, all religious concepts of hell have some kind of ‘escape clause’, at least while you’re still alive. If I really believe that’s my future, shouldn’t I be confessing my sins, or living a life […]
Is it better that we have the choice to say goodbye, very possibly for the last time?, Or is it better not to have a goodbye?
Really I’m sure it’s the first one. At least than you can accept when someone goes that it’s true, …maybe
I guess it’s hard either way most of the time,
“No sir, I don’t like it”
Thoughts?
Edit: I’m back in moderation hell yay!
Sorry for spamming this song its (almost in)arguably the best part of the movie now on to the post. In exactly 18 months one of 2 things will be true (well both if you subscribe to the scientifically plausible many worlds theory). My life will be significantly improved or i will be completing/completed my suicide. In 18 months I hit a milestone bday. Ive set dates before but this is final. This is less an ultimatum and more of a mad dash to get myself right. Despite my posts there is a fair amount of optimism that ill […]
… and I felt elated. I felt like maybe we had a chance, maybe I had a chance to get out of this hell that is bipolar and somehow make it work. I felt like my old self. I actually laughed. A two week anger/mania streak just lifted. But I have to remember all that I went through, and put him through for weeks. Funny how bipolar makes you focus on the current thing and feel like it was forever. but I know that time-wise, I have been miserable or way more than I have been happy. It does not add up. I know the […]
Dearest, dearest MC,
April 1, a year ago, it all changed.
One year ago you felt the fresh air again after 3 agonizing months. And I was there for you in spirit, as I had been all along. But I soon, sadly, discovered “we” were gone.
But on this anniversary I still send you all my love my friend; I send you best wishes. I wish things were different, but I try to trust this is where we should be right now.
Maybe someday… Maybe someday you’ll remember that feeling we shared and have the courage to want to try again.
I hold onto hope; I hold you in love; […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Maybe there is somebody who has the same problem or knows, what to do in a situation like this.
I think you don’t know me and my last posts. So I don’t want to talkt too much, I was abused by my dad. It’s for 5 years now, maybe 4 oder 6 I’m not sure. I was too young, to understand, what and why he does something like that. I thought […]
My parents don’t know that I’ve become suicidal, no body does. Everybody sings out loud, I know I do, and my family knows that I’m always singing and listening to music. I’m always singing out loud or humming. So maybe they just stopped listening to me because for a while I haven’t been singing songs, I’ve been singing what I want to tell them, but don’t have the guts to actually telling them. I’ve been singing, “late at night your asleep and I’m awake, with a blade digging in my skin.” I sang that loud enough for all of them to hear, but they block […]
I have decided I’m going make an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible, and I’m going to get the criteria list for both Bipolar (because of my aunt’s concerns) and this other disorder (which I’ve been questioning after doing research and heavily relating to). I’m going to tick off the symptoms I have and give them to him (this is after he helps me with the Angels).
Since no one is doing anything to help me, I’m going to get the ball rolling. Even if I’m not diagnosed with neither of these, it’ll give them some insight as to the symptoms I’m showing and […]
So I have been temporarily let out of the hospital… On condition that a nurse is always has to come over and check on me I wanted to surprise you guy’s I was let out maybe 6 hours ago I just didn’t feel like talking… The hospital made me worse currently right now is a box of painkillers with over 750 pills in it and I don’t know what’s stopping me from taking the whole lot…. I’m honestly done with life but if I fuck up now and don’t succeed I won’t be let out of the hospital for a year or 2….
My “Mom” is […]
I’ve concluded that it will be my fav knife that I will use to end it. With a quick, maybe angry, jab in the neck I’ll get to watch all my red flow out like a river and feel the pleasant sting as that freeing embrace of death comes ever closer. I will enjoy thoses last moments more so than any in the past.
Continue Reading
I’m actually happy and in a good mood from listening to a long bunch of good music and talking to good peeps and yet I cant stop thinking about death hmm maybe im just obsessed now…