i know i said im not ever going to post here again… but too much has happened since i decided not to post here anymore and im just absolutely terrified of every option i have as of this point… i’ve been so stressed out over the past two/three weeks and i’ve come to having panic attacks more than two times a day, almost every single day. first thing, Sunday night two/three weeks ago i was really struggling and i talked to one of my friends and she came to the conclusion that i was contemplating suicide, even though i didn’t say that exactly. so Monday […]
Tag:
Medications
I am a 40 year old married father of 2 piece of shit. I have been trying to kill myself since the age of 8 and never finished the job because I am afraid. I am diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder/PTSD/ADHD. I am unemployed and draining the life out of my family. I have no purpose on this earth, no talent and no drive. I am on 6 medications and my wife has been stealing my anti-anxiety, ADHD and sleeping meds. When I confront her she just denies everything and says I’m crazy. I may be emotionally disabled, but I am not retarded, so […]
I did have a different title – which was funny – but I forgot. Oh well.
My name is “kthx” (for privacy reasons). I am a 26 year old Male, plagued with three conditions (that we know of so far) which are Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and A.D.D. (ADHD minus the hyper component). I was diagnosed with the ADD and depression as a child. I have lived ever since then in a depressed state. I always have a low mood (dysthymia), and things never seem to work out for me.
I have been through so many psychiatrists and psychologists offices throughout my life and not one of […]
I’ve been on different medications for about a year now, and I don’t see a difference. I’m stopping it all tomorrow. I’ll probably become worse, but I don’t care. I want to die anyway.
i don’t know why i decided that writing everything down was a good idea. let along on the internet. i guess on here nobody knows who i am and its not somewhere where somebody from my end can find it.
i am a selfharmer/suicidal. have been since i was about 16. i am now nearly 20. it started when my bestfriend died in a car accident. i started self distructing a couple months later. i could not get over her death. then somebudy noticed, a teacher, he threatened to go to the school welfare co-ordinator unless i talked to him. so i chose to talk to […]
~as always no grammar. deal with it.~
Yesterday
i told the two people who i still consider my friends that we were not going to school that afternoon, we were skipping. as usual. we left at lunch and went to the supermarket near our highschool and i bought them some lunch.
i dont eat anymore- i am more skinny than the supermodels our society for some reason looks up to. i dont grow anymore either. i am fifteen but i am about as tall as an eleven or twelve year old. yesterday i ate no breakfast or lunch, and a few mouth-fulls of pasta. this wouldn’t hurt me […]
My life is so miserable because my parents are separated and my mom and dad doesn’t care about me anymore…. and I am so ugly that my classmates always laugh at my face and nobody wants to befriend with me because im ugly.I dont have friends and i am very poor and everybody hates me because im too shy to befriend with them and they always tease me and embarass me infront of my classmates.When i look at the mirror i always cry because im so ugly that nobody wants to be with me even my parents laugh at may face, im an outcast.I always […]
No need for a name, therefore, my name will me Anonymous. I’m a 17 year old female who tries to hide away most of her emotion. I was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, mild OCD, insomnia, and possible BPD. My life is a nightmare most days. After my initial hospitalization, i started treatment, and for the most part it helped a lot. But lately, I’ve loss interest in school, isolated myself a lot, and am becoming increasingly more impulsive (I went out one day and just got a tattoo, on my wrist. So much for ever being a professional.) I have attempted suicide 5 times […]
This POST is intended to shed some light on the feeling of not belonging to this world/being part of it. If you have a mental illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia please take your medication(s).
When I was 16 I tried to commit suicide if I would have succeeded I would not have known the beauty of seeing each one of my girls birth or watching them grow; Not known what it would have felt like to fall in-love nor see how great of a career I would have. I tried to get rid of myself simply because I did not belong.
After the incident I visited […]
People tell me it’s al my fault.
Everything.
That depression can easily be controlled and easily healed.
They don’t know the half of it.
People leave the mentally sick and tell us to become independent, but the physically sick get a hug and they’re told that everything will be all right.
Why isn’t someone on my side?
I go to doctors appointment, talk to therapists, meet with advisors, get my medications and pay for it all. All by myself.
And I’m not even 19 years old yet.
Why isn’t there someone telling me that I’m doing something right?
I don’t do everything wrong, do I?
I’m still human.
Just like them. I’m not any different. Just […]
the days seem to go on, and i feel like im auto pilot.
i dont even think, i just do.
like im barely alive.
kind of a numbing feeling, and id ont even take any medications.
i feel like im floating through life not doing anything or have any meaning what so ever. perhaps that im not even real….
does anyone else have this feeling?
Even as a child I knew how my life would end, I used to think it would be before my 21st birthday. My 23rd birthday is next month, I cant count how many failed attempts I have had. I do know that I am better educated now, I know what will and wont work, how much I should take and when to take it. I have a generalized date set, it wont be until after my birthday, it would be selfish to do it sooner. I have chosen to overdose, I have the medications I need. The money for a hotel room. I am calm […]
Let’s say you’re feeling like life is completely hopeless, and you just want to end it all. Some well-meaning person drops you off at the psych ward where you’re greeted with more pills, more doctors, and depressingly weak coffee (I’ve been there). There’s nothing terribly interesting to do, so you get bored. Maybe your new medications have terrible side effects. Maybe you get frustrated about being treated like a crazy person and you tell yourself, ‘I have sunk to a new low; I’m screwed’. You notice how odd it is that a facility designed to treat severely depressed people is so depressing.
Occasionally the doctors ask […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself at various times throughout the past 5 years. Â About two months ago I started to become serious about it and began to plan my death. Â This was after I had gotten out of the psychiatric hospital (my 7th hospitalization since 17 years old). Â I was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks and received 6 electro-convulsive therapy treatments. Â I also got put on some new medications which didn’t do anything to no surprise. Â I was however started on adderall which was the only thing that got me out of bed and able two at least go through the motions of […]
I’ve been “struggling” with depression since I was nine; I’m thirty-three now. I have been on hundreds of medications and finished sixteen rounds of ECT (8 unilateral, 8 bilateral) in May. Long story short, things are not better.
I feel a huge amount of guilt and fear about leaving my husband behind, but I can no longer distract myself from the fact that I want it to end and it doesn’t seem that is going to happen. I have been severely depressed, unable to go to school, unable to even bathe, for three and a half years now. I love my husband more than I knew […]
I’ve had anxiety and depression most of my life, on and off since I was around 10; and more and more frequently since my twenties (I’m almost 40 now). Right now it’s not the worst. But I would like to be dead.
Like I said, I’m not in the depths right now – but it’s been four years since I’ve really had much pleasure in my life. Â I can keep going – I’m productive, I’m pursuing things I used to love, and new things I might love now. I have a home, I have friends, I’m doing okay financially. But I am not even close to […]
I realized I could kill myself at a young age. When I grew older, I realized that being suicidal brought attention. Even more older, I realized being suicidal would eventually alienate people. Eventually I realized, My feelings of suicide, were real, and instead of providing help, people would rather compare and challenge my problems with theirs, just to justify they were a bit more troubled than I was. I suppose that’s how my friends justified ignoring me.
I found that when my “symptoms” didn’t fit textbook examples of typical suicidal people, that psychiatrists started shortening my visits, yet still wrote out prescriptions. I found that only […]
Im not depressed. I have the medications to thank for that, however what theyve done to me by no means deserves thanks. Oh sure, the severe BPDs gone but i didnt know i was trading it for absolutely nothing. They killed any small part of me that mightve passed as human; they hollowed me out. How am i supposed to live a life like this, a medically-made sociopath, where feeling is impossible and nothing will ever matter to me. I just dont care anymore, i cant. Everyday just seems more pointless then the last. The world around me is fading.
If i dont manage to kill myself, the […]
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