if I could Live for a million days
I’d count up all the ways I could have loved a girl
who’d passed away at day twenty-eight thousand and ten.
with ninety-one generations of grandchildren
I’d remember ninety-one times
of simpler times when
fifteen minutes would pass with the eternity of an hour
when memories were new
and I had nothing
to reflect about.
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind,
I pray for ignorance and bliss,
Where no thought can smudge my sight,
And memories can’t make you cry,
If only forgetfulness turned to pleasure,
And remeberance my only blunder,
The world might seem a brighter place,
So be kind and let me live my,
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
there is one person, who i always consider my brother. sometimes more then my brother. today i went to meet him.
he said that on tuesday he will go and meet my ex girlfriend and try to get back us together.
now guys, i dont know whether i should listen to him or not. coz he is been telling me the same thing for last 4 months. and every passing day is making my life more and more worse.
and plus its valentine on tuesday, which will bring back many many painfull memories.
guys, please tell me what to do? should i listen to him?
I often see it. They say it’s supposed to be magical, make a wish. I keep wishing, yet nothing changes. I gave up hope long ago, not to mention I despise that word. A word tossed around by fools to reassure themselves everything will be okay. Nothing ever changes. I’m not too fond of people, I actually hate people really. It’s a cruel world with cruel intentions. There is more bad than good, but, then again, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Society is the biggest pile of shit to ever exist. I don’t know what’s worse, the government or society itself. You […]
I don’t really know what to name this post. By the time I finish posting it’ll be past midnight. At night is when my mind is most active. I think about the same shit over and over and it continually replays in my head. I hate having memories. I have an excel one and I feel cursed by it. I just want to go back in time or start my life completely over. I’ve always felt this way. I can’t envision my future at all. It’s like it isn’t even there. I just wish I could get a break through. Just once i wish something […]
Verse 1:
Surrounded by all these people
Not one of them I call by name
The occasional friend that’s never there
Yeah it’s close but not the same
Not the same as you
Not the same as us
But I guess there wasn’t anything there
I guess there never was
Never any love
Just the pain that you left behind
I guess I knew you didn’t love me
It was only a matter of time
And
Pre-Chorus:
Now I have
Something to say
Words of advice
To live by everyday
And there’s no holding back now
It’s time that you should know
Exactly what I have […]
Truth, I’m here for a school project of my choice. Truth, I may have caused an attempted suicide and I fell for the friend who’s father shot himself on christmas…his life’s fucked up. Truth, I have nothing to complain about, I don’t get raped, I have two parents(stepdad but whatever) that love me and feed me and give me a roof over my head, I don’t live in a thrid world country, I’m going to get a higher education, and yet scary thoughts or thinking of lame relationships get me down…some memories or places trigger depression yet i havent been diagnosed…i guess i don’t need […]
All the people that know me think that I have a “good life” . Yes, I do have the “good life” yet I feel so unhappy and guilty living it. The parents who love me and who provide everything as much as they can and little brother I adore the most, even with them I feel somehow hopeless. I pity them. I pity myself even more. Theres nothing to badmouth about my life, I`m considered to be the luckiest kid because my parents dont do drugs, there is  roof over my head and food in my plate, good school, good clothes etc.
The friends who are not in […]
I have come so far! I started contemplating suicide at the age of 6! probably not an accurate number but i was that young. I am 25 now! I have cried so hard everytime i tried, but now there is a sense of peace that overcomes me when i think of going through with it. The only thing that makes me weep is when i think about the turmoil i will cause my 2 daughters. I am a great father. i wonder if i was a dead beat, would this be easier. Almost everything about my life makes me want to end it all. My […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
There are words, tons of words that don’t make sense
There are voices, notes and music in silence
There are memories, lost and cherished, forgotten and found
There are sounds, so many sounds
There are colors, shades and tones in darkness
There is hunger, biting and knawing, completely obsessed
There are scratches and beautiful art between the lines
There are scars in my mind
There are songs on an ordinary day
There is darkness, bitter jealousy bleeding in gray
There are tangled knots in the blue skies
There are scattered pieces in my mind
In my mind
Flowers bloom and never fade or die
In my mind
It […]
im 14 and i tried slitting my wrists but it didnt work……..i even took a REALLY hot bath before i did and…well……yea didnt work. my moms a ***** she calls me names all the time and hits me, my dad raped me when i was 5 then left i have litterally no friends everyone calls me “sooty suicide” because of my large scars on my wrists, i just wanna die so i dont have to dream of all the horror and shitty-ass memories i had. my boyfriend of 3 months cheated on me, with my best friend…. im uglier than the child of rosie o’donnel […]
Okay so everyone always wants to know what my problem is, why I feel this way or why I seem totally unable to make things better. But for fucks sake they don’t know me, or my history, so they’re in no position to judge! The fact is if they did, they’d probably understand why I want to die as badly as I do. And trust me it’s such a long, sordid and sad story that half the time I wouldn’t even know where to start or how to explain. Sometimes I look at the way my life has turned out and it makes me fume with […]
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Most 13 and 14 year olds would be asleep by now, or at least sneaking around having fun. But not me. I’m awake, and dancing with the devil.
I know staying up all night gain won’t make the bags under my eyes any better than dreaming. Trying is pointless anyway, it will always end the same.
My dreams are never actual dreams, only inescapable nightmares. Just another form of torture God decided that I deserved. The big problem with the dreams, is that they are actually my worst memories made even more gory and traumatizing by my overactive imgination. These dreams are the elite of […]
Well, it’s 2:08 at night and I’m still awake. I’ve been in bed for 3 hours. I hate it when I’m so tired but I cannot sleep. I can never turn my mind off. I’ve never been able too. It drives me nuts. With my mind racing from thought to thought to thought………….it’s frustrating. Although, I’ve always been a “night owl”. But, not so much anymore. It’s really not like it was when I was little. When I was little I could sleep for 6 hours and not be tired at all. And, I was a “night owl” because I never really was tired. But now, […]
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To: Life Â
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i wept gently at the sound of her call
i always favored that wide eyed grin
the time they said is now at hand
time for her rest to finally begin
suffering no more, for her at least
letting go all the pain and heartache
i’ll stay with her til the very last moment
for her heart was the claim i did stake
let go i say…please just let her go
theres nothing i can do to change
over and over til i see every color
the memories drowning the pain
can i go on?…do i even dare try
when half of one is […]
All alone in this place of no hope
All alone in my saddest sorrows
With no where to turn but my self
With all my fear until i fall
Fall ungreatfully into the
melted memories of him
The times he said he loved me
All just a lie, I try not to cry but the tears fall out
Alone until he finally sees me
Alone and waiting ut hes gone and i know it
The worst part is my parents hate me more and more each day.
My own hate toward myself my own regret
My tiny drops of blood
Then i died.
Throughtout my life I have faced many chalenges. A year ago on this Friday, May 1, I was raped by my best friend. I talked to my mom’s ex-boyfriend about it and he seemed very compassionate and willing to help me with my recent misfortune. I trusted him greatly, so I decided to spend 2 weeks at his house, which is in fact 6 hours away from my house. Needless to say, he raped me more than once in my sleep. Both of these terrible experiences have led me to extreme depression and post traumatic stress disorder. I never thought I would ever become suicidal, […]
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have you been taken advantage of by every person youve met
have you been nice followed the rules and yet , still gotten in stupid trouble all of the time
have you been physically abused as a child on a daily basis but lied to afterwards
the police would come too often after you getten chased around your house, yet what a good family life my ass
abused mentally too , every day of your life,
was your father a drug addict, alcoholic and drug dealer?
Did you have no friends , and been alone in your head since you were young enough to crawl
i tried to hang myself when i was like 8 or 9 with a jump rope. i was 13 when i took like 8 different bottles of pills. both attempts didnt work, obviously, but i still have horrible nightmares of past experiences and some weird memories of abuse are coming back to me. i wonder if im going crazy and making stuff up (im 17)… i admit that i’d rather be alright and have had a life where NOTHING bad has happened and everything is perfect but im wondering if im not a psychological hypochondriac..the memories are so vivid though. i can remember feelings, […]