I have my plan in place, I’ve always tried by pills with no success.  Wed I plan to go in front of a train. I have a meeting and after the meeting it should be dark enough I can do so without being seen until it’s too late.  Right now there is no fear but I am sure when it comes I will feel scared. At least I will feal something. At least I can put all these suicidal thoughts to rest.  I plan on burning all my print journals and closing all my social accounts wed morning. I don’t know if I want to […]
I am healing. Bit by bit and slowly. I am regaining the smile I’fe been hiding and ignoring for years.
But I am scared. Still scared.
I am hated and loved, used and cared by people all around. I thought families, blood, adopted, and steps were suppose to care, help, love. I never got that.
From my mother or my step-father. My brother and my birth father were the only ones who cared.
My brother was my protector and my real father was my savior when he took full custody of me. But though healing. I am still scared.
I lost the one man who […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and it’s such a long story I don’t know where to begin. There’s this boy and I’ve known him for a little over a year now. We became very fast friends and I told him everything. The first day we ever really talked I told him everything. I was sexually abused as a child, I was raped multiple times by a man I called my grandfather. He told me his life story, his troubled past with his parents, his horrible past relationship. We talked every day, all day. I moved to his city and got […]
i feel so lonely right now. im 18, and my mom kicked me out in august. i now live with my stepgrander that actually took care of me most of my young life. i didnt even really live with my mom until i was 7. my mom was an alocolic. i was told i didnt even want to go see her. my mom,i cant get ahold of her for last few days because i want to see my sister. it hurts, she turned 7 the 8th i didnt see or hear from her. i feel that my mom is doing it on purpose so i […]
Well I don’tknow what to say or where to start, but I guess just letting it all out is a start, so here it goes. I’m a 22 year old female and at the age of 22 I never knew I would of felt the amount of pain as I have this past few years. Past few weeks all I been thinking about is sucide, why should I go on? I can barley handle the pain because of this depression its like a disease that will never go away from the feel of it. I been thinking of different ways to do it overdosing, jumping […]
I just can’t do anything right. My life is just one big downward spiral right now.
I made myself sick today just because I didn’t want to go to school and face my debate squad because I don’t have the work I’m supposed to have done done. Debate has just added a level of stress in my life I don’t need and I can’t quit because I made a commitment to it. It’s ruining me though.
It doesn’t help that I can’t talk to my girlfriend about this. She lives in a different state so I can’t ask her to come over and talk, and […]
So I was thinking a lot about my life…and how it turned out so far. Everyone that I know thinks I live such a good life, or atleast should. I have such a nice house, live in literally the nicest neighboorhood, have two parents, perfect grades, colleges asking ME to apply to THEM, own my own car, work at an IT job that pays a lot, have perfect skin….
And yet that brings me no joy, I’m missing the happiness from it all. I don’t want that. What am I leaving out from what I already said? Oh yeah…how I was raised in the hood, or […]
so today is the big day, my 16th birthday. it was great at school. i heard happy birthday from all of my friends, got all of the attention blah blah blah. that’s nice and all but what i would die for right now would be for my mom to tell me. it’s almost 4 oclock and i have yet to hear those 2 words come out of her mouth. this may sound selfish of me to some people. but i am just someone who lives and breathes for my mom to accept me, and to be interested in me. but oh well. i’m looking into […]
so the manager acts all nice on the phone to my mom saying how she really likes me. lies! if u really liked me you would treat me with respect and i probably wouldnt hate you. Really wanting to quit still. i have these irrational thoughts thati cant drop. how everyone knows im awkward and stuff well now it sounds stupid but i cant change how i feel it just wont go away!  infact these feeling arent entirely irrational  because my stupid manager  called me shy and nervous a couple of times and infront of my coworkers. little does she know jow sensitive i am […]
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
I’ve been silently suffering for a while now. I have had thoughts about killing myself several times, but they mostly hit late at night, which is when i feel most alone. I’ve pushed everyone in my life out and i’ve secluded myself from a lot, but not on purpose, it just kind of happened. I’ve lost a lot of people, and i feel like if i just did it and wasn’t such a coward i’d be in a much better place. I’m afraid of doing it because i don’t know what happens next, but i’m sure whatever happens next after that, is a lot better […]
I am so hurt and lost. For the past few months my life has been crashing down around me. My mom is in jail for 5 years. Living with a dad I never met before because my grandparents didn’t want me. In ten days I have to go to a bootcamp for a crime I didn’t commit. After 16 months my girlfriend left my for my cousin. I lost my job. I don’t know what to do. I hate this world. I’m lost and alone in a big city. I need help. I get drunk almost everynight. I’ve been to rehab fir it already. I […]
I know I’m new here. I’ve had these thoughts in my head for years, but no one understands me. My meds are off. I’m trying new ones, but they aren’t working fast enough.  Every med I’ve tried either doesn’t work or has side effects that are worse than the damn depression. Therapists have never worked. I’ve never found one that I liked or trusted. I’m afraid that the first one I talked to honestly would dump me in a looney bin or have me forcibly committed. So I can’t open up to them. Basically, everything in my relationship is my fault. Everything. When I try […]
I need someone to talk to about everything and not be judge but i can’t talk to my mom because she would get so worried about me and my dad isn’t in there. He left with my stepmom to England and only visits on my birthday and sends money every month. So he really doesn’t know me that well 🙁  I can’t take to my siblings because they would tell mom and then again she would get worried. I can’t talk to my friends ‘cus I have no true friends 🙁
So really there is no one for me to talk to and trust them to not make […]
I’m 16 years old. I’ve been suffering from manic depression. I get bullied at school for being quiet. I get called ugly, a *****, whore and so much more. What did I do??? Nothing. I don’t have the guts to talk to someones face about how much I hate myself. Honestly, I’m pretty much that girl that no one knows until she commits suicide. Then, suddenly everyone had a class with me..it sucks. My dad is abusive and my mom and I are scared to death. Never knowing what he will do to us next. He emotionally abuses me and physically. I don’t have many […]
ok so my best friend is 13 and beautiful shes smaler bulit, blonde hair blue eyes and an amazing smile. she was happy most of the time and always was talking about twiight she was all about the cullens and she went to a normal middle school and had friends who cared and loved her, but she didnt see that, she saw her self so much differnt, i know this site is for kids who are thinking wrong and in a bad place, but if u keep that life up you wll be in the same stop that kaitie is in.. gone, dont get me […]
Well, I’m not really sure how to do this.. But, here goes.
October 7th, 2010, exactly a week after my 14th birthday, I attempted to commit suicide. I shot myself in the head with a 22 Rugger handgun. I felt as if nobody cared, like something was wrong with me because I just could’t be happy no matter what I did. I didn’t want to feel this way but, I couldn’t control it. I felt like a burden on my family, I felt as if it’d be easier on them if I just disappeared. That day at school, all I could think about was, “What […]
i dont know what i want. no one cares at all. im not even all that pretty, which proves im not loved just used. how many times am i ganna try suicide til i succeed? probably countless cuz i obviously suck at trying. my family hates me..thats not even a question..they really do. i want someone to listen to me. and when i say im upset to actually listen not ignore me cuz it upsets them. i want someone who will stay by my side no matter what happens. cuz i need them more then they know. my life was getting better now its spiraling […]
How does it feel? Your brother sees the cuts on your wrist. The scars on your thighs. He tells your sisters and parents. Now everyone knows. Months later… Your brother tells you to stop being so mad ” This is getting old. Nobody gives a shit. Deal with it. Emo” Then your sisters… ” Stop being so mean to people. They did nothing to you.” NOTHING? HUH. Thats why i have bruises from Dad. Thats why mom use to yell at me for trying to make new friends. HOW DOES IT FEEL? They are the reason i’m this way… Then there is people at school. […]
Depression…It can come to anyone but that doesn’t mean it comes to everyone. It doesn’t just HAPPEN like that either. If you’re depressed, there’s a reason to it and it’s not something silly or stupid, it’s actually quite serious.
Right?
So that means all the people telling me that I’m looking for attention are wrong, and that something has happened within my lifespan to cause depression in my life. I’m not being an a**hole, attention-seeking or anything. I’m actually depressed.
But then there’s no cure to this. No-one to talk to around me, those whom I CAN talk to are far away, nad many people […]