Tonight I am 12 years old and 5 months and some days old
Tonight I might end it
Tonight I may take some pills
Tonight I will probably get chronic organ disorders
Tonight I cut Myself
Tonight I dream about Happiness
Tomarrow I will wake up fine or with regret
In a week I will be in school, Sad with mixed emotions
In a mouth my good friends will be my worst enimes
In a year I will be closer to death
In a life time I will be dead, Happy
But
Tonight I will be dreaming about Ethan, oh how I love him,he is […]
My parents are fighting about money again. Â Bitching about how much money mom doesn’t make. Â It’s really really hard for this to not affect me. Â And it seems like all he ever does is belittle my mom. Â He’s trying to force her to get a different job, one that she doesn’t enjoy.
I’ve landed back at my mom’s after yet another bipolar misfortune and It’s just torture to see how happy they are here. I am the weird vampire with  permanently shut curtains in an enclosed chamber that forcibly goes out only when strictly necessary. Still the door is not thick enough to prevent my family’s loud and constant laugher from reaching my ears. I get to hear their phone conversations and how they constantly make plans to meet others, go out to restaurants, country houses, trips and even to have sex. I want to strangle them. They once asked me, would you rather all of us […]
Not feeling overly great today 🙁
Last night i broke down crying in front of my mum. A pile of crap just kept spilling out of my mouth about how i was afraid to leave the house and how afraid i was that she’d die (completely unfounded, it’s not like she’s terminally ill there’s no reason for that fear) and i just couldn’t stop crying. We were discussing the possibility of me moving in with a friend. Whilst i’d love to be out and be independent with a friend so i can actually have something resembling a normal life, i’m terrified to leave her. Almost like […]
I’ve been a cutter since I was 11 or 12.. since before I knew why I liked it, or that other people in the world did it.
It may be a dangerous addiction, but I argue that it isn’t worse than drugs or alcohol or smoking.
I basically live in long sleeves and pants, but in ten years, I’ve slipped up and had some scars spotted by friends, family, co-workers.
I find some morbid fascination in people’s reactions and wondered what kind of reactions other people on here have received.
These days, I only keep close friends who understand my issues, but when I was a kid, […]
I went through a lot since I last posted here. My parents found out I skipped a lot of school and when they asked me why I tried to tell them that I’m depressed, I even showed my mom this site. But she said that I’m making this up because I don’t want to tell her the real reason, which is not true. She even asked me if I even know what depression is. It’s been a while since then now and I actually felt better. I changed my school this year and I made a lot of friends in my new class. I actually […]
i dont know why im so useless. Im 14 years old and i get akward around people, can barely hold a conversation and cant seen to get along with my family very much at all. Im frustrated in everything! I dont know if theres a god or not, i want a future, but i cant deal with life anymore. Please i cant live with myself. Me and my mom just got into a huge fight, and i feel like a complete waste. I cursed her out and everything. I want to end my worthless life but im scared. What if there is a hell? I […]
wake up
get beat physically by sister verbal abuse by dad and watch mom say nothing all for being alive
wonder around (not like i have anyone to hang with?)
sister has chores: this means “ok whatver” then “hannah if u dont do my chores i will beat u so hard” not llike i can just walk away cuz she chokes me and pusheds me to the ground then says “wow this is why your fat all u do is sit on your ass”
then i do her chores an my chores and when i do something of hers wrong guess what? im slapped and […]
I can’t be what you want me to be.
Im sorry.
I can’t be smart.
I can’t be pretty.
I can’t be open-minded.
I can’t be strong.
I can’t be fierce.
I can’t be what you want me to be.
Im sorry.
I cant be the honor roll student, Mom.
I can’t be the perfect girl, Jeremy.
I can’t be the ‘fun child’, Chris.
I can’t be open-minded, Morgan.
I can’t be your hero, Shanelle.
I can’t be what you want me to be.
I’m sorry.
I’m […]
yes i lived in a poor home , yes i was raped as a child, and yes i was all so abused and beatten ,yes my father was never in my life ,and yah my mom had too many responsiblities to care for all five of us so i was raised by T.V,despite all, my brothers and sisters are all doing fine but me i am crazy to them, i am constantly depressed and i cut my self a lot and in the end of a normal day i would find my self on the edge of our roof top or holding a knife and […]
Have you ever had a moment where you’re just thinking, not about anything in particular.. and those innocent thoughts take a nasty turn? Next thing you know you’re talking yourself out of hurting yourself. Moments of insanity I like to call them. When something in your head shifts ever so slightly and everything you’ve stuffed and hidden inside for twenty years tries to get out? It over loads the brain and you just want to make it stop. You’d do anything for the memories and the pain to leave.
I’ve never been able to fully tell anyone the whole story. Why not a bunch of random […]
Her story
Why wont he just come over. I thought in my head. WHY! WHY! WHY! The blood that keep dripping from my arm wouldn’t stop. In the back ground the song Easy by Rascal Flatts was on. I looked at the clock and seen it was 10 o’clock. I dropped to the groundn and started pulling on my hair, screaming and balling my eyes out. I am curled up into a ball not being able to move..
“I hate you!â€
“ I know I’m sorry.â€
“You don’t know mom! You are putting me in her just like a animal!â€
“I’m trying to help you!â€
Then the door slammed open. […]
I am suffering through this because my niece… she used to bring some light into my world but because i cant feel anything but saddness and fear anymore, im not sure if i love her…shes only one year old right now and i cant leave her be because she needs me, she has actually called me mommy and i cant stand […]
For some strange reason, all ive thought about today is my mom. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 6 years ago, and since then, she hasnt been the same. She functions fairly normally, but she seems sad a lot. She gets happy, but it dissapears really fast. I worry about her a lot because she doesnt eat a lot and shes extremely OCD about her food. We cant go near her while shes eating or she wont eat her food. She rarely eats everything she makes and always gives the remainder of her food away. Shes always extremely stressed. When shes mad or upset she […]
Everyone has troubles. It’s life. Everyone endures bullshit from time to time. Though some, in fact, are worse than others. I’ve never told anyone any of this before. And to be honest, I’m scared. I’m afraid of being judged. Of being misunderstood in my story. But I’ll tell you.
Here goes nothing.
I’m seventeen years old, and a senior in high school. I’ve always made decent grades, and am well liked by most people. I’m the funny chunky girl. Here’s the catch. I’m dying on the inside. I feel so.. broken. So lost. And to be honest, I’ve felt this way for years. I put a smile […]
I want to die, but of course I can’t. First I’m scared of dying but I’m sick and tired of trying to live happy. My parents stalk the hell out of me whenever I try to talk to a boy and my dad and mom beat me. What am I supposed to do? My friends tell me I look weird when I don’t smile because I smile all the time. Why do I smile? Why am I completely at peace when I’m at school, but at home I dread it and want to die
I’m tired of living. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of doing […]
tommorows the big day!!!I got ahold of my moms box cutter the other night.Earlier that day i found some numbing stuff.its for teeth but i think if i put it on the blade itll numb the area for awhile.I probably should pay atenttion to my rule of not drawing atenttion to myself.But im not going to kill myself at home.I scared the fuck out of everybody with sleeping pills.If im around strangers and i dont know if thats good or bad thing.But then itll be easier.Im falling apart. Just yesterday i couldve been killed walking off at home att night.There was a guy in the […]
Yesterday I got into a very suicidal mood which is totally isn’t me, or so I thought. I laid in bed all day and would have rather been dead than have done anything else. I’ve been depressed for the past few months after my mom cheated on my dad and they’re now going through a nasty divorce. I don’t talk to my mom anymore even though we still live in the same house. I feel really alone and like no one understands. I’m 14, I have a whole life ahead of me and I already want to die? It just doesn’t seem right. I want […]
I’m a fifteen year old girl in the 10th grade and I have never felt so miserable in my entire life. I’m tired of being that optimistic girl that fakes a smile for the sake of everyone else. Most of my friends know about my depression but they think I’m okay at the moment. Last night I was almost positive I wanted to die, but instead of acting on the instinct to kill myself, I just lied in bed shaking and crying. I could never tell my mom that I feel like I want to die sometimes because it would either break her heart or […]
my mom and her boyfriend are arguing on the phone with each other in the other room. my mom is screaming and crying i am stuck in my room blocking it out like i always do… i had the worst day at school today there are rumors about me and my ex boyfriend is being a pain… i am trying too move on but it is a little hard when you see him every were at school and today he asks you if you and him can talk but you can’t because you are busy dealing with your Borderline Personality Disorder mom all the time…. […]