I can’t do anything at this point. I get drunk all the time, as often as I can. I take advantage of other people. People I’m supposed to care about. I owe people a bunch of money. I’m living off my family. I can’t hold a job, I don’t have any friends, and I don’t care about people who care about me. I want it to stop. I want to stop being me, I want to stop thinking about all of my problems, I want to stop contemplating suicide and just do it. I thought about it all the time when I was 14, I […]
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Money
Call me stupid. Yeah, I was. Desperate and so fucking stupid!
I was looking at a gun sale website, emailed the owner, offered a lot of money and some bogus story as to why I didn’t have  a licence to own one or a permit. Said It was for my bf birthday. Shit. I’m in Aus btw.
I set up a fake email that day. Fake name, birthday, birth date. That’s not enough to stop IP tracking though.
So I got an email back. I just knew it was a mistake.
It was a paragraph, I read the first line and it said “Your email address and email has […]
Hey Everybody!
So…here I am again. Don’t really have anyone to talk to. Usually I don’t want anyone to talk to, but that makes it hard for those times when I need to talk to someone. I stopped seeing my therapist about six months ago; I lost my job and I just couldn’t afford it anymore. I see my psychiatrist about every month-and-a-half. He doesn’t say much. I take whatever he prescribes, and I think it helps a little. I don’t like him. I’m going to have to borrow money to pay for my next refill. I’ve got insurance but there’s a copay.
I need to make […]
Escaping from this hell hole was the first good thing I’ve done on my own. Going off to college and not having to deal with all this family drama and emotional drain was so good for me. I was finally happy. I was finally care free. I didn’t have to fake being happy anymore. I was happy with who I was, where I came from, and how I was living. I finally got to be free from her stupid rules and her stupid views on life. I was finally free. And I thought that I could go live the rest of my life with barely […]
Today was even worse I have this overwhelming desire not to live anymore. I passed a wreck I even stopped to see if everything was okay.. I got back in my car and cried because I wasnt the one who died in the wreck! I would gladly take the place of the other person.. I cry everyday more today then usual.. No one would care if I died my family would only be worried about their perfert image and what people would say about there daughter killin herself. My funeral would be filled with not close friends and a happy family but with people who […]
no matter where i go, i cant seem to make friends that are real, i always run into minipulaters,people that use me for money or something, wen you get to know me, im not as weird as if you were a complete stranger tryin to talk to me,its so hard to make friends,is there anyone that has the same problem?i just want someone i can relate to, and talk to, and not only about life, mabey jokeing around or laughing and being happy, or trying to,if there is,i was wondering if you would want to get to know me, and be my friend,its easyier to […]
I’ve been having numerous problems over the past several years (living in fear, confinement, fatigue, weakness, headaches and other physical problems) and I can’t help but pity myself over it, but I honestly don’t feel that bad about it because my life would’ve been boring without having to deal with the hardships I endured. Life is pointless, especially in this society where all it seems to be about is work and money. It’s a shame, I don’t think I could find a purpose to living even if I had the opportunity no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried. It pisses me […]
Today i realized just how fast my emotions have been changing lately, one moment i feel hopeless, the other angry, sad and the other I’m just emotionally numb. it’s like my emotions decided to take some roller coster, what so now I don’t just have depression but I’m bipolar too? I definately want to get myself help though. Of course that’s not as easy as it may seem, i don’t have any money and I’m 14 so there’s no way i can get a therapist who could talk to my parents for me without them finding out about it first, talking to anybody in my […]
25 years ago I committed a federal felony. I stole money from the bank I worked at. The details don’t really matter-I confessed to it because my conscience got to me & returned the money. Even though I did my time & paid my fines, I ruined my life. It in reality is a life sentence. Not even the POTUS has the authority to expunge the record after all these years. I managed to survive through the years but this economy has been impossible. I had been doing well: had my own home, a rental property & a […]
I have never been rich. There was never a time where my mom had money to throw away. We always have had just enough. But it has never been this bad. My mom has never really bothered me with financial problems. Usually if we are late on a bill or something she just finds a way to pay it. But its gotten to the point where there is no way. My step dad doesn’t work enough to pay for everything and my moms disability check barley pays 1 bill. Everyday something new is getting cut off. Now my mom is selling pot to pay the […]
greed and materialism will never be constructive values:
(a) never heard of any item that can fulfill that feeling of emptiness and (b) the things you own end up owning you (fight club quote)
on the other hand, to enjoy sharing and being good-intentioned seems to mainly attract opportunists
it’s like you have to spend your whole life defining boundaries, keeping your guard up, waiting for your next desillusion
you’ll be identified as the weird, paranoid one because you refuse to give people the opportunity to take advantage of you
(…..)
I feel like I should go live in nature: no more forced interactions, no more hierarchy to submit to, no […]
Yea newyork is nice but the ghetto isnt brooklyn,bronx,queens we all face it we are exspected to reach that manhatten fame of lights and money when its hard to find a job. Nice clothes aint everything if you dont like the way you are in the outside. Point is no matter where you come from we all struggle but do we have the strength to live a better life ?
Im crying out to my familly to listen.
No one understands i cant take it. Ive been through so much in my life and no one is here to help me breack free from it.My mum is a foster carer and treats the foster kids better then her own, she spends more time with them, listens and talks but whenever i need help and support she dosnt have time or she acts like she understands so i dont keep talking and gets offensive. My mum helps everyone but forgets about her own. I lend everyone money and im sick of it my brother lost his job […]
I can’t take it anymore. I feel like dying. School is just so much pressure, and I’m so clumsy, that I lose things. My parents yell at me for losing things that cost money. I feel like they care about money more than me. I’ve been suicidal since I was eight. Eight! I felt too much pressure and stess too often. None of my friends and family know about this at all. The only reason I don’t suicide is because it hurts. I don’t want to feel the pain. I’m thinking, “If I have lots of pain, why add more?”
I know I’m young, and I […]
turning 27 next month and what do i have to show for it? nothing. that’s pretty much it. yes, i seem to have a lot to be thankful for. pretty regular childhood, supportive family, awesome guy. what’s missing? well, me. a stupid job. no money. more than that, now i think no skills. looks like i’ve wastd 3 yrs working at something i havent understood at all. coz even tho the current employer seems pretty happy with my performance, i’ve failed three job tests for what i hav been doing for so long. i have ultra nice friends too. all of whom get at least […]
This is for a friend of mine, who had longed to leave this life behind.Â
Her name was Amber and she was a ray of brilliance. Her life seemed like any other. (not to say it was perfect. Her mum never had never any time for her so, she was at my house often. Once, we even threw her a birthday party because her mum had either forgotten or didn’t have the money) Amber was beautiful and smart, too. She was accepted into one of those magnet schools and was successful in her early years of school. She quit the magnet school, however. I recall her grades […]
I never actually thought i would end up like this, i was always so happy. No that is a lie. Now when i think back i notice i ACTED like i was happy but on the inside i had already died a long time ago. I’m not even 16 and i allready want to end my life so badly! And i can’t tell anyone about these feelings these suicidal thoughs because no one kann really understand me. I used to get bullied alot because of my nationality, of how i spoke, how i looked and how i acted. Four years long not a day went […]
Tonight I die. This is my 3rd attempt, and I think I finally got my suicide figured out. I am not mentally ill or depressed, right now I am actually quite calm. My story is simple, I had a good life but threw it away because I am a compulsive gambler. My friends and family bailed me out countless times and yet I don’t learn from my mistakes and dig myself back into the same hole again and again. I am a sinner and don’t deserve better. I just wish that before I go… I can give back all the money that I owe to […]
I was abused pretty early on by my father. Mentally and physically. He tried to kill me with a gun. It misfired twice. I used to think I was fortunate that happened, now I wish when he shot, he killed me. I would have saved me a lot of suffering.
Went to school teased there as well. Stood up to them didn’t matter. Beat them up. Didn’t matter. Told school officials didn’t matter.
Then my mother abused me mentally. She checked out on life for a number of years by taking percocet and valium. Which left me at 8 to pay the bills. The money was there […]
Probably getting our hours cut at work down to part time in the next few months. And my other job is laying me off.
Which means even less money on top of the salary cut last year.
And they are adding considerably more work and duties.
Not complaining but this place is just jacking us left and right.
Even though we exceeded paramaters for a year without a manager and six months without a direct supervisor.
Was trying to hang on until January of next year for my birthday but seems like it will be sometime this summer.
Guess I can take someone’s advice on here and get a credit card […]