I just have to tell someone this to get it out of my system. Lately I’ve been trying to work on myself. My life has been chaotic recently and lately I’ve been trying to take care of the chaos and I’m finally feeling a little bit better. When I used to have stress in my life I would turn to my ex to just distract myself from my life. Without him as a crutch I was feeling like I was going to lose my dam mind and like I couldn’t get a handle on anything. Me not being able to deal with stress without him […]
I’ve suffer from anxiety and depression for months after my relative just keep telling me “not to worry and let karma do the rest” about my neighbour from hell next door. Things didn’t get better but escalate for the worst. He never listened to me to be about being careful about those people trying to harm us/seek revenge and it is always better to stay safe than to be sorry. I tried very hard to stay positive and always strive to protect my home from these sort of jerks that try to provoke us with their words, kids playing on our driveway, and petty revenge […]
Honestly, I’m just a stupid teenage girl who still has highschool to get through. I need to put on my big girl pants and just get through it. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be happy.
Suicide. I’ve thought about it, but I’ve always been too much a wimp to really try and end my life. In my opinion, the only scary part of trying to attempt suicide, is if you survive. But then again, that means you are alive for a reason. Maybe I’m scared because I have this hope that everything will be okay.
People say that […]
I’m a long time reader but I’ve never actually posted anything exept for like a comment somewhere. But now I’ve seen some great people here like Cordless and Drowning (seen more but I can’t remeber names) so for some reason I decided to post my story for anyone that’s interested
I think the worst part of my life is school. My horrible social life isn’t that great either but my situation at school is pretty fucking horrible. And no I’m not gonna sit here and complain about homework or some shit like that but I’m gonna be whining about the people at my school. I feel so […]
Hey.
Been a long time again. In 25 days I will be in London looking for a job and stuff. Up till then I have nothing to do. Nothing. I have no job. I just workout. My days are so boring. Sometimes I walk my dog, I love him, he is so playful, he makes me happy and laugh.
On the suicide front I think I have made a progress. I think less, way less then before, but I still have thoughts. I have […]
No one can adequatly explain what i’ve been through, not even I. The stress, trauma, isolation… the daily thoughts that run through my head. I already know that I simply won’t make it for much longer let alone old age. I’m tired of life and want to sleep.
I met with my 3rd therapist who confirmed, yet again, that my life’s experiences fall outside of the normal paradigm. It isnt so much that these things occured but rather the psychological impact of such. I’m tired of trying. So very very tired.
It’s hard when the only thing that you truly long for is to disappear, to just not be. This option is not open to me, although it’s a sweet dream I know I won’t take that road. I can’t. I wish I could. I’m not scared, not afraid I’d fail or afraid of what comes after or anything. I’m not free to do it. I can’t get myself to ignore what it would do to those who know me, to my family. No one is close but the distance only brings more pain and questions when someone disappears. It would crush my dad. Those who […]
I live in a south-american country with lots of social problems. One of those, connected in a way to all, is poverty. I was born in a fairly wealthy family, not rich, but in a country were some some didn’t make enough to eat, certainly more than enough. My family didn’t live always as well as they did by the time I was born, and still lived in the same “low-class” neighborhood. In this neighborhood, lived a much poorer family, and my grandmother were friends with them. I was about 7 when I was introduced to the other old lady’s grandson, a kid older than […]
The title says it… we’ve only been together for 9 months, but everyday was a blessing.
Yesterday, first thing in the morning (right after I text her good morning), i wake up and see a text from my best friend sent at 3 in the morning. It was a suicide note… as depressing as thinking your best friend killed herself (i found out later that day she failed), i tried really hard to stay somewhat in an okay mood. So needless to say, it was already a terrible day, but i didn’t even know how terrible it would soon get…
At about noon, i get […]
When I was younger, I was also a lot happier, because I had no worries about what could happen next, I never thought that not paying attention in class leads me to being really dumb and unable to graduate and therefore find a job. Even if I do, for what? So I can just keep paying stupid bills and doing the absolute same thing every day just so I can live?
Every single stupid decision I ever made my life harder every passing day. Every single fucking one of them, I regret them and there’s no way I can go back and change them, it’s just […]
So I’ve been crying for the last hour overdon’t the shit my brother threw at me all his words nasty bitter angry words… Saying I can’t do this can’t do that I’m not doing anything. Everything I do is wrong I’m never right I’m stupid never gonna get a job. Useless, worthless leach. I fucking stood up to him to some degree before the tears came rolling in I feel like clawing skin till it burns and bleeds I need to feel pain I want to feel pain. But I feel nothing I feel empty cold and bitter I’m numb from his words. I’m so […]
All of my life I had been abused by my parents and my parents were abusive to each other until my mom walked out on us for a year and then our parents just ignored us. In elementary school I had a lot of problems in class and I would sometime sit there and cry all day and have to kept in the office. Sometimes I would talk to the school counselor. One day in the 4th grade the counselor called me in and told me she would have me take an anonymous survey that a bunch of other kids were taking and told me not […]
I feel like shit. I went out on a date with a man 13 years older than me and all he wanted to do was touch me and kiss me. I didnt let him, as a matter of fact I walked away from him and went home. He treated me like an object. Anyway, I come home and my sister tells me “please dont get upset but our sister in law was flirting with your ex fiance”. I didnt say much i just brushed it off. but my ex fiance was my first love, and i have always loved him till this day and its […]
List of things im bad at
Talking about my problems
Eating
Being a good daughter
Being a good sister
Being a good girlfriend
Being social
Living
Standing up for myself
Its not just me who thinks these things. Who knows for a fact that I was just a fuck up from the day I was born. My parents, my dear good at heart parents pawned me off on someone else. My siblings who I know loves me, I hurt. I affect them with my depression that seems to be the vain of my existence. I really suck at being a good girlfriend. I mean Im to insecure and fucked up to be a good […]
Why are you’s trying to hurt me ?
Make me bleed , make me crazy.
Why make me feel useless ,worthless make me grovel?
Why hold me down and destroy me take my life away , break me ?
Just let me go stop hurting me please I can’t take it anymore .
Anything I had ,you belittled made it crap, shitty, garbage.
I trusted you all stop hurting me.
Why make feel so wothless?
Why do you’s want me this way?
What do you get a crushed hopeless girl?
I was chiped […]
These are all the (non-medication) “treatments” I’ve been told will help me feel less depressed in the last decade:
Exercise. Okay, yes, exercise is good for everyone. But I became depressed when I was running 15 miles a week and I’ve never seen any difference in my depression from periods of time where I was exercising regularly or wasn’t. I believe it can help with anxiety, at least to an extent, but I personally haven’t felt any effect yet. This is something I’ll continue to do regardless (I would like to run a 5k again), and maybe over a longer period of time I’ll notice a […]
So I havent really been around here as much as perhaps I should be. For those who dont know me im an old timer upon this sight, put im my time at the bottom of every bottle and put my time in at the worst spirals of depression. but through the help i got here I got out of the worst of it and now im here to help out. unfortunately right now stuff in my life limit the time i can spend here and alot of people needing help may go unanswered, as ive seen by a recent post. while i cant be an […]
It’s been a while. Things were going alright. Had a lot saved up. Then everything went to shit all at once. So as people who have read my posts in the past know, my life was almost… good. After years and years of torment, struggling and finding inner strength I didn’t know I had.
Story time. My ex (not my ex fiance), who will remain unnamed, ran into me at college along with her husband and her kid. They were excited to see me as we had remained good friends, and hadn’t seen each other in quite a few years. I was invited to their apartment […]
Being with your soul mate by no means fixes everything but it sure as fuck help. Thank you E for making my life worth it again I’d walk to hell and back for you by now I think I’ve proven it. By the end of this I hope I’ll show you even more sacrifice .
I think I’m just going to go to sleep. I mean, why stay up and just torture myself with my thoughts? I hate myself. My life. Everything.