Damn, I have gotten fired up these past few weeks. A strange zest for life cloaks me. I’ve been feeling so empowered to turn my life around. However, in the back of my mind I am always calculating my next existential crisis. I feel like my depression and anxiety might be hiding around the corner waiting to beat me down to a vegetative state. I don’t want that shit to happen man. I hate crying myself to sleep. And occasionaly I picture myself in a funeral suit, it makes me cringe. I hate these thoughts because they push me to the edge of insanity.
Tag:
my life
I call this day one because this is the first day I haven’t cried in a really long time. I’ve come to believe the fact that Jordan will not come back to me. That who ever wrote the quote, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was always yours. And if it doesn’t, it never was; never dated a stubborn, prideful, Army Ranger.
I can admit I fucked up. I completely screwed up our dreams of marriage, happiness and children. I can say, I never cheated, never thought about it and never wanted anything more in my life than […]
what a horrible year it’s been – the worst year of my life. Just like last year, the leaves will soon turn, than fall off there trees. The snow will come and then the first flowers will rebloom next spring just before the scorching heat of summer….than September 2016 will arrive.
I wonder how 2016 will be for me. Seems like ever year is a cycle that keeps repeating itself as I sit and watch the world go by.
A guy from my school recently killed himself and it brought back my suicidal thoughts. It made me remember everything and now I just can’t get it out of my head. I want to just finally end it all. It seems so much better. I mean I just hate my life, I literally hate it. I can’t live this life anymore and I can’t sit here waiting for somebody to realize it and suddenly care
I’ve always been an indecisive person: even down to the most simplest of things. School is one of those things. Although I hate it, no doubt, education is very important. I just recently turned 17 and I took two separate years off of school (due to various different factors) and should technically be a senior in high school yet I’m a sophomore…oh and I haven’t even gone back to school yet this year because I’m not sure if I should go through with “letting go” or if I should go back to school. Yep, I’m a straight up loser. I probably would choose to go […]
where to begin?? well it started 7 years ago when I just left foster care. my life was great I was in high school at the time and I was looking at a bright future. but it went down hill because my feeling of loneliness was getting to me . I felt like I had nobody. my best friend at the time was gone from my life and everyone I thought were friends just shitted on me. I felt ignored. as a teenager dealing with depression and having to develop psychotic depression really really can screw with your mind. my first thought of suicide was […]
I left high school because I was having social issues then I decided to go to Lincoln tech so I could get a good job and not be a looser and I end up getting a 3.0 at the cost of having two guys try to fight me and another pouring a soda over my head I start a job… Hate it conditions are terrible switch fields get lied to on a daily basis about advancement opportunities that don’t exist I meet a beautiful stripper by the name of Mandy real name Tiffany we texted a lot and I felt she may have been playing […]
Being so socially inept, isolated, and awkward, I completely damaged any social skills I had left. My own family doesn’t feel uncomfortable around me and I’ve just shut them out for months now. I can’t make friends even though I try so hard to be funny and nice, but my personality is so unattractive and annoying. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety too. I’ve even stopped feeling attachment to people, like I can’t feel their emotions and care; it’s all dismissed as either “I don’t care” or they’re just manipulating me. Now I don’t even care about making friends, it’s such a bother; […]
I already know how it’s going to end for me. My life has been a never ending nightmare and it’s getting worse not better. I grew up severely neglected in hellish poverty, my first suicide attempt was in high school, I don’t have actual friends just people that know who I am, my biological relatives hate me because I’m gay, I’ve had every horrible job a person can have even though I went to college, I have a mountain of debt from college, the only man I love won’t have anything to do with me, and in 2010 I snapped and drank a glass of […]
I’m so done with life honestly. Literally no one likes me anymore. Everyone hates me or uses me. I feel like I’m at rock bottom right now. I just got a job, but that’s only because my mom pushed me. I literally rely on getting drugs or getting intoxicated somehow at least everyday. And I go crazy when I don’t. I’ve now slept with 10 people within a year and my friends are all telling me once I hit 11 I’m a slut and I really feel like it’s true. I’m literally a fuck up. My family doesn’t even like me anymore or give a […]
I’m sorry for who I am. I’m sorry that I can’t let anyone close without pushing them away and hurting them, I’m sorry that I can’t make new friends or act like a normal human being for once. I am sorry that this sadness keeps coming back around and hitting me in the face with a baseball bat. I’m sorry that nobody understands or cares too. I’m sorry I’m manipulative.
and finally, I’m sorry that I found this site, for my constant neurosis and self loathing coupled with sadistic, sociopathic-type behavior. What am I supposed to do? You don’t care to understand, […]
I’m tired of anxiety constantly running my life. Bought concert tickets for tonight but am having a nervous break down and don’t beleive I’ll be going anymore. I’m to scared. I hate this I just wish I could enjoy myself for once.
Why was I made to be the ugliest person on earth and to be tortured with knowing the love of my life who I can never be close to because I’m too ugly???
Hello, whoever uses this site.
A few years ago, I used to post here. Sometimes quite regularly. I’m sat by myself in an empty room, and something possessed me to re-read all my old posts and I thought, why not update my life a little. I’m sure all the people who used this site when I did are gone, maybe even dead. But I do hope that there are still people here.
It’s been almost 2 years and one of the main changes in myself, is that I am appalling at explaining my feelings and emotions now. I am slightly jealous of my old selfs […]
Three months ago I sold my house. It was a perfect house and I was able to make the payments. I struggled for 7 years since my divorce to stay in the house. I filed bankruptcy. Finally last August I came out of that bankruptcy and started living life. My girlfriend urged me to sell my house. Telling me I would be better off with out it. Lower my expenses and finally be able to move in with her. I wanted to have financial security in my life and finally with two good incomes I could have that. The catch was that I could not […]
My heart is completely broken. Reality is setting in that I am now single and alone. My heart is pounding but my body feels numb. I can’t even eat, it just makes me feel sick. I’m at work right now wondering why the hell I didn’t just kill myself last night. I can’t handle all of these emotions running through my head. I can’t think straight about what I’m going to do with my life. Leaving is a way out of this all and it seems to be the perfect answer. I just want to be held. I want someone to smooth my hair over […]
About 8 or 9 months ago i knew someone and i really started to like her (She is from another country very far from mine), that really changed me to a better person, but more depressive either, i’m a 18 years guy, ugly, boring and depressive, never had any girlfriend in my life, no one loves me, and i’m not being exaggerated, my mom don’t give shit about me and my father is a drug addicted since he had 13 years old, i grew up alone, without friends and without importance to nobody, so for a long time i dedicated my life to studies, i […]
I had an affair while I was married, we were married for 16 years and have a daughter together. I was unhappy, lonely and tried to reach out to my husband to get counseling together. He thought it was a waste of money and told me I was a bitchy wife. I met someone while we were married and he made me feel beautiful, loved, important and actually enjoyed having a conversation with me. We started meeting after I would drop my daughter off at school and while my husband was at work. It went on for months and then I started to realize what […]
I’ve been going on and off this site for the past few days wanting to say something, but I just can’t find the way to do it. I’ve been having a lot of problems lately, and it seems I’m falling into depression once again, like if happiness was nothing but a dream, and when you think you’re grasping it, it just gets away from you. The only thing that I’m certain of is that I’m alone yet again, or I’m about to be. Alcohol wasn’t the solution to my problems, and I found out that the harsh way. Apparently I’m replaceable too; I’m noticing I […]
I hate it so bad. Somebody kill me. I don’t think I can love. I’m such a horrible person. I feel like crying every minute of my life, but I don’t want to.