I’ve never been to any forums like this, so forgive me if I make a mistake. Here’s the problem. I don’t want to exist anymore. There’s so many things that are wrong in my life. First of all, I hate myself for this, I am bisexual. Now this may seem fine, but in the place I was raised up in. Gays and bisexual people were hated. I haven’t told my family because I’m too scared but a few of my friends know and they took it in really well. I have one really good friend that knows about my problems, he’s been supporting me a […]
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my life
My name is Kaitlyn and I am currently 17 years old.
I’ve never written about my suicide story before so bear with me.
The cutting and suicidal thoughts all started in 8th grade when I found out that my mom was an alcoholic. I blamed myself and thought that everything was my fault. Since she was going through pain, I deserved it too. I would cut myself just deep enough to leave a mark. (Those cuts later got to the point where I was scared that I would need stitches.) I went through all of 8th and 9th grade, keeping everything inside and not talking to anyone. […]
My name is Ariel
never really done this, talk about how I feel out in the open with people. I’m 24 been thinking about suicide since I was 16. I haven’t hust thought about it I’ve actually tried a few times. Could never really go thru with it completely. But I’ve tried. The worst part is that I know who I would be hurting, what I would be losing, I see the beauty of life, I see how beautiful the sky is when the sun is slightly shining upon my face, even tho it’s 100 degrees outside. I see the meaning of life In my little […]
I am almost to the point of throwing my sister through a window. As I mentioned in my last post her seizure medicine gives her mood swings. Even worse, she watches children’s shows on Nick Jr. and YouTube all the time. Whenever she watches them on TV, she always has a reason to yell and scream. If a commercial comes on that she doesn’t like, she tells everyone she will not scream. She does it anyway. I’ve always thought my sister is autistic and I don’t know for sure, but my mom keeps denying that. If she is not autistic, then what is she? Seriously, […]
Well, life’s a struggle for some isn’t it? As long as I can remember I’ve disliked myself, always feeling less than others, not good enough, but needing to be perfect. I’m one of those people who tried about everything to find the happiness, the peace and the love within. I’ve done Vipassana meditation retreats (15 times 10 days), years of self-inquiry, many times Ayahuasca and Iboga (powerful shamanic practices), listened to hundreds of hours to Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, Abraham Hicks and other teachers, Sedona Method, EFT, NLP, you name it.
It all helped, certainly to ease the greatest distress of the moment. Each time crawling out […]
When I think, I think way to hard, I think so much that, thinking is all i think about. I think about how everything is just, just a veil to the real world. I see the world in all that it is. People think that when you die you go to an eternal paradise if you follow a few rules and accept Jesus Christ. But in reality. (that’s the world i live in) When you’re brain stops working. You stop being you. You have no soul. Its just you’re brain and how you think. You just sit in the ground and rot. But if you […]
I’ve left my fears behind. Now I’m purely fuelled my anger and sadness. I was never good enough for anyone, and that was okay with me because I didn’t need to be.No, correction. I was never good enough for YOU. You stupid, terrible parents that pushed me to my breaking point and every time I built something for myself, you would knock it down and then ask me why I couldn’t build anything. I didn’t want this life. Everything I did I did for you. Straight As. 4.5 GPA. Getting into one of the top schools in the world. Student council president. Swim team. Band. […]
Today is my 21st birthday … For some this day is a celebration , a time to enjoy with friends and cherrish it ppl that you consider precious and they consider you in the same magnitude…… But for me this day is one were i reflect on the things i am not doing in my life and i should been doing. I reflect on the causes of my loneliness, the will to go forward that seems to be slipping away and unhappiness/depression that i keep in secret , mostly because i have no one to talk to … I see no […]
I getting closer to 30 years old.
I am currently unemployed.
And apart from a few casual jobs which I could never last in,
I have never worked a day in my life.
I don’t have any friends.
In fact I don’t have any good rapport with anyone.
Which means I have absolutely no references.
I am still on my learners license after 9 years and 3 expiries.
I do nothing all day.
I am lazy and have no motivation.
Is there any hope for me at all?
I want to be shot but I don’t want to die. I don’t want to end up paralyzed either. I am in a financial bind so I don’t have any money to pay you. Here’s my story: I’m utterly depressed. People tell me I’m too beautiful to be so sad. I’m 26 and everyone says I look just like Sarah Hyland. … In fact that’s all they seem to notice. No one knows how intelligent I am because they can’t get past my looks. My face seems to be all anyone cares about… They don’t want to know they real me. And when people finally […]
Recently my girlfriend of around 3 years just broke up with me. You can say our relationship was an odd one being that it was an online relationship. I even went and visited her for the first time recently. Time I spent with her was the greatest moments in my life. I am completely in love with her and she even said she loved me. Entire time I was with her felt like a dream. But she broke up with me after all of that. I feel lost, I simply given up caring about my own life. I have stopped taking my medication, often starving […]
Get over it.
Get over it.
Get over it.
Oh… well then, that changes EVERYTHING -_-
Why does everyone say that?
I’m not pissed because my team lost or some shit, I’m pissed because I want to fucking die, you asshole.
Yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when my employer fires me for no reason and rips me off, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when some immature prick threatens to kill me on the street, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when you insult me and everything about me, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when someone breaks my heart completely and leaves me unable to […]
I don’t know why it’s so hard to survive in this world. It’s not fair. The rich people live easily and they don’t have to worry and I have to struggle every damn day. It’s hard and I’m trying to carve out a path for myself. Sometimes I wish I was never born. I think it might’ve been easier. I don’t have to struggle to find full time work, I don’t have to pay bills, and I don’t have to worry about anyone. When I think about it I think I’ve suffered from depression on and off for a long time. I’ve contemplated suicide on […]
I’m taking a step forward.
The past few years have been rough on me. I’m nineteen, I go to college like any normal student, I have friends, I have a family. Every single person in my life are important to me, and I know they care about me even if they don’t usually show it.
Though I’m so tired of what they’ve been hiding. I’ve been a good friend, I know I have. I don’t talk about anyone behind their backs and people learn to trust me. I joke around, I make my friends laugh, I make them smile, and I’m serious when I need […]
A friend of mine recently said to me ‘ you’re the author of your own life’ and my response was the title of this post. It’s true. It’s similar to the saying ‘men are masters of their own fate’ I suppose.
To make my recent downward spiral more persistent is the recent events involving my boyfriend of almost 1 year cheating on me with someone who used to be a good friend of mine, talk about ironic since she’s supposed to be in a relationship with my boyfriends best friend.. They insisted on lying but the truth always reveals itself eventually. Ha.
Anyways, apart from the usual […]
I contracted an STD from an ex about 8 months ago (always use a condom, even for blowjobs!), it’s chronic pain in my dick among other things. The doctors are no help and I’m having trouble sleeping! I’ve also had severe anxiety and depression most of my life, on the positive side my family is not too bad. Grew up in a nice house, family vacations, blah blah blah, but what I wanted most that I never received was love! I mean I got some love but I feel like they didn’t want to exert the effort, I guess I can blame that on both […]
I don’t honestly do not know why I am even writing this. Big brother can watch me have my nervous breakdown, I guess. It was not at all in my intentions to be one of those people who threaten their selves with their lives when things get hard. That’s weak, right? Although, I’m struggling to understand that, it makes your mentality to have strenuous strength to cope with the inevitability. Here’s the kicker, I am 16. I haven’t even lived to have the urge to end it, right? Ahhhhhhh, or maybe it could be the raging hormones and the typical teenage babble like, he said […]
Hey everyone. It’s good being back here. Possibly the only place (non-physical of course) I can share how I feel from my point of view with complete honesty and no negative repercussions. I know all of the people who read this post don’t give a flying fuck what a kid in Iowa’s going through, and I don’t blame you. Most of the time I just like to ignore it all and forget who I am, how pathetic my life is, and how useless it all is. Death is inevitable, the only thing that is a constantly changing variable between people is when they die, and […]
I am such trash. I just got out of a treatment center for the 7th time for my anorexia and you know what’s changed? Fuck nothing. In fact, I want to end my life now more than I have in then before I went. I am fine during the day because I have things to distract me but once I am alone, the creeping reality sets back in.
I am never going to get better. I took this treatment more seriously then I ever have in the past, was completely open and honest, and tried harder than ever before. But nothing has changed. I STILL want […]