Its like 2:30, i’m still awake for no real reason other than debating whether I should go to work in the morning or just not go and die at a relatively soon timing. I’ve had serious thoughts about not existing since late elementary to early middle school and its just developed into a sad hobby of sorts. I’ve spent at least half an hour to an hour daily recently looking up different ways to kill myself and I think the only reason I haven’t done it yet is that my biggest fear is failing and being unable to make another attempt for whatever reason. My […]
This song, explains my life exactly.
RIP David Gold (vocalist) died in 2011 of a car crash in Ontario, Cananda.
Eurgh im struggling again, I’m sick of my life being robbed due to bipolar and anxeity. I try to be a good Mummy to my four children but with two babies aged 17 months and 4 months I just can’t cope. I’m feeling under pressure to be a good mum and wife, no one appreciates me, I hate what I see in the mirror now I miss my barbie doll looks and perfect figure im just a fat depressed mum 🙁
Why does no one want me? Why do my friends always leave me? Why does no females like me? Am I doomed to live my life completely alone? What am I doing wrong? Is it me? Or are people ignorant assholes? I’m not perfect, no one is. I have flaws such as every other human does, but not so much that no one should like me…what is so wrong with me? It’s been like this my whole twenty years of existence and it just keeps getting worse every day. I don’t want to live a lonely loveless life, I want joy. I want to experience […]
I don’t know if is worth being alive because of two things:
1) Mi career has pushed me away from what I wish the most… Someone to love, take care of and make a family with. Grow together, look up for our kids and love them forever.
2) The only person that saw the good in me is no longer here. She left me for someone else. She stopped believing in me. In 24 years no one dared to see in the deepest part of me and love me unconditionally. She wasn’t able to understand the illness that haunted me before she came in. With her I […]
Everything just feels awful, nothing has a point, nothing feels real, I have not seen the point in 99.99% of the things in my life.
I’ve just realised how vague my previous post was, which may delay the process in receiving some form of helpful reply.
Ill try to put into words this feeling.
I can’t do anything right. No matter what I say or do or how I look. The phrase “no-once cares unless you’re pretty or dying” comes to mind. Of which only one applies to me, and I can certainly say that my appearance has had no positive impact on my life. I feel empty but at the same time I feel nothing, so really the question is – do I really feel anything at all? Am I forcing […]
I recently received my PhD in chemical engineering, I have a job in a good company and earn a decent salary. I’ve also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve never had a girlfriend although everybody says I’m a catch. Anyways I fell in love last week with a girl who’s way above me. She told me she loved me too. A week later she wants nothing to do with me. Now a normal dude would move on but every woman I have liked/loved had deserted me. Cold shoulder style. Is it okay if I just end it? I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of my […]
I don’t know, what has happened to me. I was brilliant in every field, art, sports, studies, acting, leading, my passion” photography but I think life had some other plans for me. My life is completely soiled because of a serious addiction, pornography. I am honestly writing that i don’t see women as sex objects but somehow I find momentary escape in pornography, escape from my past. But because of that addiction, life seems to be ruined and there only seems one way out….suicide. I have had the best life one can imagine. Perfect girlfriend, perfect parents, best of friends but not the best of […]
6-6-15 12:21 am I changed! I changed everything. I walked out on 20 years. I walked away from what wasn’t healthy for me. I started over. It’s not easy. I have $7 fucking dollars in my account until payday. This is HARD. I am working it out. I am learning who I am. I am trying to be myself for the first time in 20 years. I want to grow. I am open to new things. New flavors. New cities. I will not close off any experience for fear or sameness any more. I will try.
But I want us. It’s really all I’ve ever […]
3Hey I just have to get some things off of my chest… sometimes I just can’t go to sleep not telling anybody how I feel… I know it sounds pathetic but I love my mother altough I stopped calling her that. She is the person who hates me as much as I hate myself. Sometimes I think she is the reason why I feel so bad all the time. When I was younger she was quiet abusive. She also took drugs like I do but she was able to quit or she just doesn’t want to tell me anymore. I hate her but at the […]
ive thought about killing myself for longer than i can remember. the past few years all seem to be terrible and everything goes wrong. im a failure of a person, i have no job, i graduated and haven’t done anything since. i dont have any inspiration to do anything anymore. i’ve been cutting again the past couple of years, and it only escalates, it’s gotten worse instead of getting better.
i found the one person in my life that made me want to live. id spent so long thinking i didnt have a place in the world, that i was meant to die a long time […]
This will be my last note to everyone. I lay awake waiting for something to happen, waiting for someone to text me, waiting for forgiveness, waiting…. That’s all I’ve done with my life. I’ve been waiting to end all of this. Everyday I wake up, I go to school because it’s easier not to think there. I’m sitting at a table where no one wants me there. I’ve gave up with wanting to fit into a group. When I’m not there no one thinks about me. No one loves me enough to call them theirs. Theirs no place for me here. I started thinking about […]
From how my friends and family treat my sisters is a lot different from how I’m treated. I alway tell my parents I see how excited and more outgoing my friends are around them, and when they approach me they seem bored and more reluctant to talk to someone else.
My parents seem to think I’m just imagining things. They tell me I’m just taking their actions differently, and that they still love me. But I can’t see it. Every time I invite a friend over they smile and greet me, and before long they ditch me for them.
I’m not angry, nor do I blame my […]
Hi, I’m a filthy, retarded, creepy, transgender (male-to-female) emo noob and I deserve your contempt, whether I feel I deserve it or not is completely irrelevant -_-
I’m not the only one that wakes up every morning and is quickly, and brutally, hit with the feeling that their life is not, and never will be, something they can be proud of.
It gets better, everyone around me seems to genuinely believe that living a life I can be proud of is an abomination, an affront to their ‘decency’ and ‘taste’, no one has faith in me, because no one wants me to BE me, no one needs […]
I don’t really have problems. My life is pretty awesome. I am surrounded by people who love me, I am likable, I am cute, and I make other people happy. I can’t really ask for more.
But there is a hollowness to all of it. An emptiness that I have felt for many years. And under that, a pain that I have been pushing down and burying deep, deep inside.
I don’t know why it hurts, just that it always has. When I think about it, I can feel it. I’m always aware of it. This terrible sucking, aching, vacuous throbbing that beats inside my chest and […]
I CANT STOP HITTING MYSELF PULLING MY HAIR OUT HITTING MY HEAD HARD I cant stop I hate myself please just let it end please….
I hate my self I hate what ive become god forgive me please just let it end…held a knife to my skin made a mark please no more please help I hate this I cant go on please god please im terrified this is what my life will be now .. please I need help. I hit myself when no one is around im terrified disgusted guilt of failing I want this […]
I wake up lonely and go to bed terrified. Complex ptsd is something nobody understands nor wants to. I hate taking meds and wondering what it will do to me. I am isolated living here yet triggered by the people around me. Lately I feel like I’m going insane. Too much rage and torment, self-blame, for years. Too much. Nobody is here. My therapist hasn’t called back, the clinic hasn’t called back, I feel like a discarded person. I left the church since nobody there cared either. The neighbors help superficially but not for friendship. I made a new friend but an old one I […]
I just had a massive fight with my family. Its my finals week and last terms finals week my dad asked me if I could stay at someone else’s house. This time I asked my dad “is your offer still valid” and he said yes. I was packing and my mother came and started screaming. She said i humiliated her in every term of my life and told me to fuck off. We are always fighting and they are always saying bad words. Okay I accept that I am a pain in the ass when it comes to school but thats too much for me. […]
So guys, I am moving on with my life and putting all of my depressed shit behind me and that includes this site. i need to delete my whole account but i cant figure out how. any help?